Witty Profiles

menu
sign in or join

Corny Quotes

  1. E* E*
    posted a quote
    March 29, 2017 3:15pm UTC
    How to get ahead in life -For everyone.
    1. Don’t pay too much attention to the way you feel. Feelings change throughout the day and they are unreliable. Don’t let them rule your life, or interfere with your goals.
    2. Decide not to worry as it tends to make things worse. If you focus on your worries it will drain your energy – and often what we’re dreading doesn’t happen anyway.
    3. Cut the internal commentary. Stop telling yourself that things are going to fall apart, or your efforts won’t succeed, or you won’t be popular. Keep trying, moving forwards, and getting on with life.
    4. Stop being self-critical. You need to be your own cheerleader and your biggest fan in life. Note progress, perseverance, attitude and inner strength. Be affirming, kind, believing and coach towards success.
    5. Stop feeling guilty. Feeling guilty changes nothing. You are going to make mistakes. Accept you aren’t perfect - then get up and try again.
    6. Stop worrying about what others think of you. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what they think. Choose your own goals for your life – you’re not accountable to them.
    7. Don’t worry about set backs or changes to your plans. Plans always need adjusting and things always go wrong – but that doesn’t mean “it’s over” or you’ll never reach your goals. Expect to make some changes – just be adaptable.

  2. E* E*
    posted a quote
    March 29, 2017 3:11pm UTC
    Daily Reminders. -For everyone.
    1. My self worth does not depend on what others think and say about me.
    2. My self worth does not depend on how I look or what I weigh.
    3. My self worth does not depend on my marks or performance.
    4. My self worth does not depend on my number of followers.
    5. I am enough just as I am.
    6. I can succeed despite a bad day.
    7. I am beautiful and valuable – and will treat myself with kindness and respect.

  3. LOSTPOETFROMHEAVEN* LOSTPOETFROMHEAVEN*
    posted a quote
    July 29, 2014 12:31am UTC
    - Wanna
    play
    Simon
    Says?
    -Yes.
    - Ok,
    Simon
    Says
    make
    out.
    -Hahaha,
    But
    that
    is not
    the
    way
    it is
    played
    ...
    - Simon
    Says!
    -But
    that...
    - SIMON
    SAYS!!!!!!!ASDFGHJKL

  4. evvvannn evvvannn
    posted a quote
    February 13, 2014 3:14am UTC
    I bet you I could stop gambling.

  5. DunGoofed DunGoofed
    posted a quote
    January 11, 2014 10:01pm UTC
    A lot of times I tell a really corny joke and I think that I'm really funny because everyone is laughing but it turns out that my friends are just laughing out of pity.

  6. flyingbacon7 flyingbacon7
    posted a quote
    January 10, 2014 8:37pm UTC
    Your flaws?
    I think they are beautiful
    I think they are unique
    It's what make you who you are
    And I don't want to be with anyone else

  7. AnaCastro196 AnaCastro196
    posted a quote
    January 7, 2014 10:52pm UTC
    Q: how do you make a tissue dance?
    A: you put a boogie in it

  8. george 23* george 23*
    posted a quote
    December 21, 2013 7:05pm UTC
    And, as long as were on the subject, if Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, wouldnt that make her an Ella Vader(elevator)? groan ouch, the pain from that corny joke,,,WHERES MY MOTRIN?

  9. helloitslexi helloitslexi
    posted a quote
    December 21, 2013 12:46am UTC
    Why did the cucumber blush?
    because he saw the salad dressing

  10. ThatWeirdGirl* ThatWeirdGirl*
    posted a quote
    November 3, 2013 10:42pm UTC
    The thing about him is
    He stayed when everybody else found a reason to leave

  11. BittersweetMemories BittersweetMemories
    posted a quote
    October 20, 2013 5:55pm UTC
    Dear bestfriend,
    Where do I even begin? We've been friends for years now.
    We went from us hating each other to the definition of bestfriends.
    Our families had no choice but to accept one another into the family.
    We're basically complete opposites, how do we even get along?
    Out of all the years we've been friends, this last one has been the
    best. We have grown so close, and there's never a day where we
    stay mad at each other. Everyday is always a blast, even if we don't
    do anything with our lives. & as unusual as our lives get, nothing
    is ever awkward and we don't seriously judge each other..well, let's
    not go there. ahahaha. My point of this corny little letter is that you
    are the defintion of a bestfriend. You're my sister, my other half. And
    I don't know what I'd do without your idiotic self. (Abigial Lynne Hastings)
    Love,
    your bestfriendddd(:

  12. flyingbacon7 flyingbacon7
    posted a quote
    October 13, 2013 11:31pm UTC
    A girl and a guy are together
    Girl: look in the sky
    Boy:Why?
    Girl: Do you see any butterflies?
    Boy: No I do not
    Girl: That is because they are all in my stomach

  13. Gothabalunza Gothabalunza
    posted a quote
    September 24, 2013 6:07pm UTC
    Roses are red,
    But sometimes they're thorny
    When you're not with me, I get sorta...
    ...Corny.

  14. savannah* savannah*
    posted a quote
    August 26, 2013 5:31pm UTC
    even the leaves
    are falling for him.

  15. xxIntroducingMe xxIntroducingMe
    posted a quote
    July 31, 2013 5:03pm UTC
    I've looked all over the hospital and you're nowhere to be found!
    Oh wait, ICU.

  16. hobosammyo hobosammyo
    posted a quote
    June 30, 2013 6:38pm UTC
    What type of gun do bees use?
    a bee bee gun
    (hahaha)

  17. DeathOfASon DeathOfASon
    posted a quote
    June 26, 2013 5:26pm UTC
    Why did the duck get arrested?
    because he was selling quack

  18. WPiC123 WPiC123
    posted a quote
    June 25, 2013 4:10pm UTC
    You'll be Burger King and I'll be McDonalds, I'll have it my way and you'll be loving it!!

  19. finding_nemo finding_nemo
    posted a quote
    June 17, 2013 7:11pm UTC
    Concerts are beautiful
    Everyone's there for the same reason: to enjoy the band/ musician. The roar of the crowd when the performer takes the stage is priceless, the sound of all the fans belting their hearts out along with the singer is wonderous, watching everyone jump or wave their arms at the same time is extraoridinary. Whether it's at a screamo concert where everyone's moshing or a pop concert where everyone's dancing around or a orchestra concert where everyone's sitting and peacefully listening, everyone's there for the same reason: to enjoy the music.
    I don't know man, I just think concerts are beautiful

  20. destinehurricane destinehurricane
    posted a quote
    May 13, 2013 12:32am UTC
    For the Ladies: 19 CLUES FOR CALLING IT A NIGHT
    1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are.
    2. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies room.
    3. You suddenly decide you want to kick someone's asp
    4. In your last trip to "pee" you realize you now look more like Tammy Baker than the goddess you were just four hours ago.
    5. You drop your 3:00AM burrito on the floor, pick it up and carry on eating.
    6. You start crying.
    7. There are less than three hours before you're due to start work.
    8. You've found a deeper side to the office nerd.
    9. The man you're flirting with used to be your 5th grade teacher
    10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming. 11. You've forgotten where you live.
    12. You've started to sound like Jessie Ventura from the cigarettes you've smoked, because (as you've mentioned like 10 times by now) you only smoke when you drink.
    13. You yell at the bartender, who (you think) cheated you by giving you just tonic, but that's just because you can no longer taste the gin or vodka.
    14. You think you're in bed, but your pillow feels strangely like pizza.
    15. You start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way but..."
    16. You fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when you sit on it.
    17. Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
    18. You're tired so you just sit on the floor (and why not!).
    19. You show your friends that girls can pee standing up if they really want to.
    so kids todays lesson dont drink ever you just look stupid!

:)

Join · Top Quotes · New Quotes · Random · Chat · Add Quote · Rules · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Full Site
© 2003-2020 Witty Profiles