Witty Profiles

menu
sign in or join

Funny Quotes

  1. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    November 27, 2021 3:49pm UTC
    I used to wonder why health stores always looked empty. It turns out there are plenty of customers inside, but you and I can't see them because they've evolved into pure energy.

  2. edragon8 edragon8
    posted a quote
    November 25, 2021 1:34pm UTC
    (From Who Framed Roger Rabbit)
    Eddie: Hey, Judge. Doesn't a dying rabbit deserve a last request?
    Roger: Yeah, nose plugs would be nice.
    Eddie: I think you want a drink. So, how about it, Judge?
    Doom: Well, why not? I don't mind prolonging the execution.
    Eddie: Happy trails.
    Roger: No thanks, Eddie. I'm trying to cut down.
    Eddie: Drink the drink.
    Roger: But I don't want the drink.
    Doom: He doesn't want the drink.
    Eddie: He does.
    Roger: I don't.
    You do.
    I don't.
    You do.
    I don't.
    You do.
    I don't.
    You don't.
    I do.
    You don't.
    I do.
    You don't.
    Roger: Listen, when I say I do, that means I do.

  3. edragon8 edragon8
    posted a quote
    November 22, 2021 12:31am UTC
    (From Haredevil Hare)
    Crumbly Crunchies are the best,
    Look delicious on your vest,
    Serve them to unwanted guests,
    Stuff the mattress with the rest~

  4. edragon8 edragon8
    posted a quote
    November 21, 2021 3:09pm UTC
    Welcome to Witty, doc. *evil laugh*

  5. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    November 13, 2021 3:04pm UTC
    Human remains found? Are any of them mine?

  6. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    November 13, 2021 3:03pm UTC
    Hold the ones you love close. You never know if it's the last time you'll see them (especially after you hold them close).

  7. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    November 6, 2021 3:40am UTC
    You can't control everything that happens to you,
    but you can control whether you write
    a sappy motivational quote about it.

  8. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    November 6, 2021 3:38am UTC
    Some people get a monkey off their back in order to make room for an elephant.

  9. MrMonotone MrMonotone
    posted a quote
    November 2, 2021 4:41pm UTC
    One time my brother said:Why would a girl being named Buddy
    Me as a LISA fan:Excuse me?

  10. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    October 30, 2021 2:23pm UTC
    Don't try this at home. Do this at home or do this at home not, there is no try.

  11. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    October 23, 2021 5:33am UTC
    I rocked her world.
    She papered mine.

  12. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    October 16, 2021 1:56am UTC
    Every robot dances the human being.

  13. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    October 9, 2021 3:06pm UTC
    There's nothing so precious as a mother's love. So even if I did have to pay my mom nearly $35,000 to love me, I think it was a good investment.

  14. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    October 9, 2021 3:05pm UTC
    Forgetorandum of understanding n. An agreement between two or more parties not to remember a party at which they were partying.

  15. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    October 2, 2021 7:08am UTC
    I can do anything I put my mind to.
    ... Now if I could just put my mind to putting my mind to stuff.

  16. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    September 25, 2021 7:29pm UTC
    You can kill the thinker, but you can't kill the thought. We need the thought alive so we can ransom it later.

  17. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 24, 2021 5:34am UTC
    "you can do whatever you want."
    i know it's a simple phrase
    i know you meant nothing of it
    but my heart keeps blushing

  18. SoftballChick23 SoftballChick23
    posted a quote
    September 24, 2021 2:47am UTC
    So i joined this website 10 years ago. It was my diary and a community where I felt so understood. I went here to vent out my middle school and early high school angst. It makes me sad it is no longer popular because I wish some other middle schooler could have the safe haven we all did here. I am laughing and feeling so nostalgic as I read all of my old quotes. I can remember all of those feelings so vividly. And at the time, it felt like life or death.
    But now, I graduated college with a business degree. I have a great job. I am living in a city I never imagined I would be in. I have fantastic friends. I’ve seen the world. And I have a boyfriend…my first boyfriend, who I love. Pretty cool to come on here and see how far I have come and that everything has really come full circle. I hope all of you have made it in your own way too.

  19. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    September 18, 2021 12:02am UTC
    Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.
    ... On the other hand, ain't nothin' but massive solar storms when she's present.

  20. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    September 18, 2021 12:01am UTC
    The benefit of the doubt requires a high minimum deductible.

:)

Join · Top Quotes · New Quotes · Random · Chat · Add Quote · Rules · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Full Site
© 2003-2021 Witty Profiles