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Status: Uni...ew.

Member Since: 1 Jun 2013 04:40pm

Last Seen: 4 Jul 2020 09:33am

Gender: F

user id: 361860

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This turned into my diary somehow.

i have a black dog. 

I'm still learning new things about myself.  I'm sorry for the spam.

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  1. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    July 5, 2020 11:08am UTC
    i don't have someone like that.

  2. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    July 4, 2020 1:10pm UTC
    viewed through sleep stained eyes, in a space between imagination and reality, a message was received: if you're tired or if you're having a difficult time you can come back to me anytime. you should know that.

  3. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    July 3, 2020 9:33am UTC
    let's look before we fall and then fall anyway.

  4. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    July 1, 2020 1:23pm UTC
    saw you again after a while. you were happy to see me but my body language gave me away.
    let's not bump into eachother.

  5. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 28, 2020 2:12am UTC
    to the me who was hopeless, afraid and full of doubts. burdened with worries about my future. family stress and identity crisis. friendships slipping through the cracks and a dropping weight the only source of comfort. to the me who was weak but remained strong; thank you, i love you and i'm sorry.

  6. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 28, 2020 2:06am UTC
    i always have you watching over me. so no, i will not falter.

  7. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 25, 2020 5:02am UTC
    "she calls herself wicked,
    yet she's the type to soak her pillow if she feels selfish."

  8. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 23, 2020 11:33am UTC
    letters to you jh,
    i kept wanting to breakdown today. just little things piling up. on a dreafully cold day like today. when i have to remind myself it's okay. especially then i miss you.

  9. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 22, 2020 4:30am UTC
    the words that hurt and dug deep into my skin. they were so relentless and bold. making a home where they were not welcome. now when i see you those words surface again. as fresh as ever, they circulate in my head. round and round. down this path we've walked. apologies and faked forgiveness. perhaps i am still immature. because i can't move on. cannot accept you've changed because those words linger. you could mean well, but when you smile at me i feel as though you are mocking me. when you greet me i wonder if you enjoy torturing me like this. i always wanted to grow older and move away. this world is so big but not big enough. i wanted to move onto another life at some point. but with my luck i would still see you there. the me who was small and afraid. she hides behind the me who is cold and unapproachable. i'll reciprocate your smile and greeting. the smile won't reach my eyes, the greeting won't ever be genuine. i'm mature, i get it now. i just have to pretend like everyone else.

  10. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 22, 2020 4:22am UTC
    holding onto the hands of time and begging him to stay.
    tears that rarely fell are coursing down his face.
    a memory of a man who smiles with his teeth is fading fast.
    hunched posture, shaking shoulders.
    all it will take is time and he will be whole again.
    warm porridge, a hot bath, fresh pajamas.
    i won't take my eyes off of him. i'll tuck him in.
    wrinkles that were deepset are easing away.
    blanket rises and falls with every breath he takes.
    i hope he's dreaming a beautiful dream.
    with his eyes closed, finally i cave.

  11. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 20, 2020 12:39pm UTC
    quietly, slowly and with purpose.

  12. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2020 11:37am UTC
    when i am smiling naturally like this. laughing so earnestly.
    in photos, the happiness even reaches my eyes.
    realising i am capable of such emotions.
    for a fleeting moment, i think to myself.
    I’m not used to seeing myself like this.

  13. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2020 11:16am UTC
    the trail of your compliments lead to this hide out. each step towards it makes me more nervous. yet still, there's a flutter in my tummy and a smile on my face. the thrill of it all, the secrets we make. words we'll never tell and stories that can remain just ours. i grip your hand tightly as we walk inside. a roof, four walls and the two of us. soon you'll start saying dreamy things. i'll nod along like i always do. the sky is green if you say so. i guess you've got me good.

  14. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2020 11:04am UTC
    when all of you knows all of me
    and when all of you accepts all of me.
    like a hug from a mother who has loved you unconditionally.
    like a comfort meal that spreads warmth from your belly to your extremities.
    exactly how do i stop myself from falling into you?

  15. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 15, 2020 2:45pm UTC
    will it hurt again or will this time be different? i hope there's no awkward moments or time for silence. i hope i can be at peace and truly happy. i hope i can look back on the day and let it become a good memory. i want to be the type of person who enjoys company. i don't want to dread. i don't want to regret. i will make it perfect.

  16. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 15, 2020 2:42pm UTC
    every chance i get, i just want to run to you.

  17. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 8, 2020 12:15pm UTC
    my life seems to be a series of laughter and doing things i don't want to.

  18. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 6, 2020 1:47pm UTC
    in my dreams we're finishing a conversation we haven't started yet.

  19. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 6, 2020 2:28am UTC
    i'm scared of everything i have worked for amounting to nothing. in one cold sweep, a wind could take it all. i keep my head down. gravel beneath my knees keeping my senses on high alert. the fear of it all being for nothing, i bury it for a while. i will meet it at a dead end street. when i turn this back on myself and fall to my knees again. i will face this thought more frequently until it is tame. until the pulse beneath my fingers has settled.

  20. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 5, 2020 11:05am UTC
    Stay still. Let's not make promises, we don't know what will happen tomorrow. Let's not fight either. I think you like how things are now, so I want to protect it. Let's not make promises. Let's not fall deeper. When you share that smile and say those words...I want to believe you. Still, we don't know what will happen tomorrow. In this blissful stage when everything we do can be viewed as endearing. Let's stay here, remain just like this. So that you can accept my clumsy heart. So that you are not disappointed. For my sake, let's just stay like this.


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