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Status: Uni...ew.

Member Since: 1 Jun 2013 04:40pm

Last Seen: 18 Nov 2017 05:39am

Gender: F

user id: 361860

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This turned into my diary somehow.


I'm still learning new things about myself. I write when I can, I'm sorry for the spam, but not really.

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  1. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    November 18, 2017 6:04am EST
    No one's saying anything to me anymore. I know you've heard but you know how I am. You really thought I did this so often, I told you I just felt comfortable so soon with you. I was so open and transparent, I couldn't hide my true intentions, you fell hard but I fell harder. Because no one's saying anything to me anymore. They're just talking amongst themselves. I can hear it all. I wanted to hug you but I felt like I couldn't. Please say something, come back to me. You smiled but you were still unapproachable. So many eyes watching I asked how you were, you stared blankly at me. I'm right here, I'm hurting right here. I really wanted to hug you, hold your hand, anything. No one's the same with me anymore. I hurt more. I look for you, I seek my comfort in you. You opened your arms. Your warm smile was back, I wanted to crash into you with a hug. But everyone's watching, too many eyes watching. You know how I really am. Behind closed doors we can go back to the way we were. But out here, please don't do this to me.

  2. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    November 18, 2017 5:48am EST
    Love me even on the days I hate myself. Love me even when the decisions I make are dumb. Choose to love me when I sabotage myself. Please stay when I tell you to leave. Please don't hate me, when I say I want you to. I say I don't ask for much, but in reality I do. Please stick by me even when I'm being stubborn. I love you and you know that won't change. I hope you'll love me even on those days.

  3. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    November 15, 2017 3:49am EST
    Truthfully I didn't need to go that way. Honestly I, had another motive that day. Truthfully I. Honestly I, just wanted to see you. No other reason, I genuinely just wanted to see you. Truthfully I try my best not to avoid you sometimes, other days I hope I don't run into you. Honestly you don't know the effect you have on me. Truthfully, I'm glad.

  4. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    November 15, 2017 3:43am EST
    The days are long and the night is too short. Working all day then dreaming next to you. Weekends are even shorter than the nights with you. After a long day, you are my hot bath. You are my cosy bed. You are my comfort. After a long day, do you know how nice it is to be with you? I hope it feels like this for you too. The drive home, holding hands, being cringier than cringe, I love moments like that. After a long day. After worrying, working and stressing some more. Waiting in line, sitting behind a desk. Waiting some more, working some more. It all ends with you. Thank you.

  5. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    November 15, 2017 3:34am EST
    I love you, and that's enough.

  6. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    November 2, 2017 4:11am EDT
    And I, I like him.
    We're often hot and cold, but I like him.
    When it matters, he is there. I think I like him.
    He is kind, he has kind eyes. He doesn't smile easily,
    but he still finds me funny. I didn't even have to try, a few words.
    A few words of raw honesty, that's all it took to have him flash his beautiful smile.
    I really like him. I think I'm really smitten. His small smile, his laugh. It's so cringey to admit.

  7. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    October 12, 2017 11:23pm EDT
    Lately I've just lost all my motivation to actively study. I'm only doing the bare minimum which I know is nowhere near enough. I need to get my act together but I'm just so exhausted. I know things will work themselves out and I will eventually get to where I need to be. Just right now I'm sad and stressed. Right now I hate it. I'll be better soon. But the right now. It sucks.

  8. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    October 10, 2017 6:54am EDT
    You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.

  9. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2017 9:14am EDT
    Don't think that it's weird
    (I just want to have you).
    even when I see you, I want to see you.
    You're more tender than Spring sky
    and clouds.
    - Something good, got7

  10. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2017 9:12am EDT
    My dreams and all the things I endlessly wanted are becoming old friends. I can’t believe it at all. I yelled but all that came back was “Just go." That phrase, that one phrase, Made me gather my hands and be still like an idiot. “I’m sorry.” saying it was like a habit. A saying beyond my understanding. Save me, I can’t see in front of me. I won’t let you go, I can’t anymore. I lightly smile but My insides are twisted without anyone knowing about it. “I’m sorry.” saying it was like a habit.
    - Mayday, got7

  11. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2017 8:54am EDT
    Now it’s a path of no return. I keep getting tired, I can’t see the path in front of me. Between calm and passion, which is the answer? Why is my heart ahead of my head? It digs deep inside. Your actions, the way you talk; every little thing becomes crystal clear. My foolish heart, why does it do this? Why am I hurting more? I don’t get it at all. Your callous expression hurts me, I’m in a lot of pain. The days I spend without you, they hurt so much. They hurt so much. How did you and I end up like this? "It hurts so much." This is what I’m telling you.
    I hope that you listen to this song.
    - Sick, GOT7

  12. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 14, 2017 9:16am EDT
    I've decided I don't like you. You were nice enough to keep me interested, but I keep seeing cracks of your personality seep through, bad aspects. No ones perfect but I have to acknowledge the red flags ahead of time. So I've decided I don't like you. It was cute when you held doors open for me, watched over me and lent me a helping hand. I never asked for it and it was kind of you. We shared smiles and we made each other laugh. You're super tall and have super broad shoulders. Your face is a ten too. But I can't overlook some things. You seem to have a short temper. You took it out on your friend. I noticed it and you smiled over, tried to make it seem like nothing was going on. I couldn't reciprocate the smile this time. We all have bad days. But you can't let bad days make you a bad person for that day. You were really cool in my eyes before that.

  13. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 14, 2017 9:03am EDT
    My younger sister is my best friend, but she doesn't know. She knows the most about me, I really like taking with her about whatever comes to mind. I can be myself completely. We fight a lot too about petty stuff, but it's never serious. She is my best friend. I won't tell her, because she would worry about me. "What about [insert friends name here]?" Would be the first thing she says back. And I don't want her to worry. She is a bit younger than me, I feel like I still have this proper image to uphold when I'm with her. It would hurt my pride if she knew how I really felt most of the time. She is my closest friend. Maybe when we're older I can tell her. Maybe when I'm older I will have made new friends. Maybe when my depression goes away. Who knows.

  14. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 11, 2017 9:13am EDT
    You were the best part of my day today. I never pay you much attention. But fate always brings you near. We were paired up, you were so shy. I felt my cheeks get warm, you became more at ease. I had a long day today. I walked back into the room to find you on my seat. You were so flustered I assured you it was okay, we could work on it together. I'm glad you're getting comfortable with me. We're still at the awkward friend stage but still, I'm glad you're getting comfortable with me.

  15. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 10, 2017 8:45am EDT
    It kinda sucks you know. I've known for a while we're not as close as the others, that our friendship was way too superficial. But aren't you being too much? You stay up till it hits exactly midnight to send the others a paragraph of how much they mean to you on their birthday. I wish I could trick myself into thinking that I didn't need one of those texts from you...but when I didn't wake up to anything, it's embarrassing to admit, but I was surprised. Weren't you being too much? You invited me along to lunches as you gifted them presents, I told myself I didn't want anything from you, but when you turned up empty handed, it's pathetic, but I was surprised. Have you given up on me? Finally realised there's better out there? Can you finally let go of me now? I've never liked surprises. I've always wanted to though.

  16. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 7, 2017 10:08am EDT
    I tried so hard but I didn't get the result I wanted. Still, I'll try harder. That's all I can do.

  17. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 4, 2017 7:45am EDT
    What do I have to be stressed about? The easy answer is studies. But those are manageable. Distractions even. What could possibly be bothering me? I get it, I make things look easy. But you have no idea how hard that is. You're being over dramatic, everyone feels down sometimes. Those words have some truth to them. But I don't feel like this sometimes. I'm always down about something. It's always in the back of my mind. I go from one extreme to another because that's how I can deal. I've still worked my words around admitting what my stressor even is. It's fake friends. It always goes back to this. Friendships. Or lack thereof.

  18. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 31, 2017 11:38am EDT
    I have one good friend that I love and care about. When I see her I feel my mood get 100 times better. She smiles at me I smile at her. Our conversations are light hearted in person, we delve a bit deeper in our text messages. I'm glad to have her. I'm glad she could show me what it means to have a true, wholesome friend. I have these other people I hang out with. My mood when I'm with them isn't the best. I can't help but feel like they don't respect me. Like I'm an easy target, or pushover. I know I just need to be firm once and for all, but I don't want to go that far. Because being firm in their books would have to be something as clear as a loud shout. More than just "Stop it, you're being too much." But something short of a meltdown. And I don't want to go that far. I've been distancing myself. Slowly easing myself out of our decade of "friendship". They're not the same anymore, I want to speed this process up, but I also want it to happen naturally. Why is this so hard.

  19. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 19, 2017 5:21am EDT
    I like myself when I'm kind and productive. I am calm natured and don't like to talk all that often. These characteristics haven't changed over time. At this point, I've accepted them as my strengths.

  20. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2017 9:45am EDT
    I love making him laugh. His face lights up in the most angelic way. Too cute.

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