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Status: Uni...ew.

Member Since: 1 Jun 2013 04:40pm

Last Seen: 22 Sep 2017 12:36am

Gender: F

user id: 361860

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This turned into my diary somehow.


I'm still learning new things about myself. I write when I can, I'm sorry for the spam, but not really.

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  1. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2017 9:14am EDT
    Don't think that it's weird
    (I just want to have you).
    even when I see you, I want to see you.
    You're more tender than Spring sky
    and clouds.
    - Something good, got7

  2. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2017 9:12am EDT
    My dreams and all the things I endlessly wanted are becoming old friends. I can’t believe it at all. I yelled but all that came back was “Just go." That phrase, that one phrase, Made me gather my hands and be still like an idiot. “I’m sorry.” saying it was like a habit. A saying beyond my understanding. Save me, I can’t see in front of me. I won’t let you go, I can’t anymore. I lightly smile but My insides are twisted without anyone knowing about it. “I’m sorry.” saying it was like a habit.
    - Mayday, got7

  3. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2017 8:54am EDT
    Now it’s a path of no return. I keep getting tired, I can’t see the path in front of me. Between calm and passion, which is the answer? Why is my heart ahead of my head? It digs deep inside. Your actions, the way you talk; every little thing becomes crystal clear. My foolish heart, why does it do this? Why am I hurting more? I don’t get it at all. Your callous expression hurts me, I’m in a lot of pain. The days I spend without you, they hurt so much. They hurt so much. How did you and I end up like this? "It hurts so much." This is what I’m telling you.
    I hope that you listen to this song.
    - Sick, GOT7

  4. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 14, 2017 9:16am EDT
    I've decided I don't like you. You were nice enough to keep me interested, but I keep seeing cracks of your personality seep through, bad aspects. No ones perfect but I have to acknowledge the red flags ahead of time. So I've decided I don't like you. It was cute when you held doors open for me, watched over me and lent me a helping hand. I never asked for it and it was kind of you. We shared smiles and we made each other laugh. You're super tall and have super broad shoulders. Your face is a ten too. But I can't overlook some things. You seem to have a short temper. You took it out on your friend. I noticed it and you smiled over, tried to make it seem like nothing was going on. I couldn't reciprocate the smile this time. We all have bad days. But you can't let bad days make you a bad person for that day. You were really cool in my eyes before that.

  5. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 14, 2017 9:03am EDT
    My younger sister is my best friend, but she doesn't know. She knows the most about me, I really like taking with her about whatever comes to mind. I can be myself completely. We fight a lot too about petty stuff, but it's never serious. She is my best friend. I won't tell her, because she would worry about me. "What about [insert friends name here]?" Would be the first thing she says back. And I don't want her to worry. She is a bit younger than me, I feel like I still have this proper image to uphold when I'm with her. It would hurt my pride if she knew how I really felt most of the time. She is my closest friend. Maybe when we're older I can tell her. Maybe when I'm older I will have made new friends. Maybe when my depression goes away. Who knows.

  6. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 11, 2017 9:13am EDT
    You were the best part of my day today. I never pay you much attention. But fate always brings you near. We were paired up, you were so shy. I felt my cheeks get warm, you became more at ease. I had a long day today. I walked back into the room to find you on my seat. You were so flustered I assured you it was okay, we could work on it together. I'm glad you're getting comfortable with me. We're still at the awkward friend stage but still, I'm glad you're getting comfortable with me.

  7. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 10, 2017 8:45am EDT
    It kinda sucks you know. I've known for a while we're not as close as the others, that our friendship was way too superficial. But aren't you being too much? You stay up till it hits exactly midnight to send the others a paragraph of how much they mean to you on their birthday. I wish I could trick myself into thinking that I didn't need one of those texts from you...but when I didn't wake up to anything, it's embarrassing to admit, but I was surprised. Weren't you being too much? You invited me along to lunches as you gifted them presents, I told myself I didn't want anything from you, but when you turned up empty handed, it's pathetic, but I was surprised. Have you given up on me? Finally realised there's better out there? Can you finally let go of me now? I've never liked surprises. I've always wanted to though.

  8. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 7, 2017 10:08am EDT
    I tried so hard but I didn't get the result I wanted. Still, I'll try harder. That's all I can do.

  9. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    September 4, 2017 7:45am EDT
    What do I have to be stressed about? The easy answer is studies. But those are manageable. Distractions even. What could possibly be bothering me? I get it, I make things look easy. But you have no idea how hard that is. You're being over dramatic, everyone feels down sometimes. Those words have some truth to them. But I don't feel like this sometimes. I'm always down about something. It's always in the back of my mind. I go from one extreme to another because that's how I can deal. I've still worked my words around admitting what my stressor even is. It's fake friends. It always goes back to this. Friendships. Or lack thereof.

  10. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 31, 2017 11:38am EDT
    I have one good friend that I love and care about. When I see her I feel my mood get 100 times better. She smiles at me I smile at her. Our conversations are light hearted in person, we delve a bit deeper in our text messages. I'm glad to have her. I'm glad she could show me what it means to have a true, wholesome friend. I have these other people I hang out with. My mood when I'm with them isn't the best. I can't help but feel like they don't respect me. Like I'm an easy target, or pushover. I know I just need to be firm once and for all, but I don't want to go that far. Because being firm in their books would have to be something as clear as a loud shout. More than just "Stop it, you're being too much." But something short of a meltdown. And I don't want to go that far. I've been distancing myself. Slowly easing myself out of our decade of "friendship". They're not the same anymore, I want to speed this process up, but I also want it to happen naturally. Why is this so hard.

  11. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 19, 2017 5:21am EDT
    I like myself when I'm kind and productive. I am calm natured and don't like to talk all that often. These characteristics haven't changed over time. At this point, I've accepted them as my strengths.

  12. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2017 9:45am EDT
    I love making him laugh. His face lights up in the most angelic way. Too cute.

  13. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2017 9:41am EDT
    One day at a time. Let's do the most for today and carry on what is left for the next day. We can make time. Let's just carry on, get through this one. No need to think too far.

  14. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 7, 2017 7:28am EDT
    My love. It's all free for you.

  15. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 7, 2017 7:26am EDT
    friendships have always been my achilles heel. something that has always pained me. always in different ways. when i was younger, i had none. now i have too many. too many but it feels like none. and i hate that it bothers me.

  16. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 7, 2017 7:19am EDT
    i promise that i will only allow good people who leave a kind impression to stay in my life. my life isn't some VIP destination that everyone wants in on, and i won't try and convince myself of that anyway. but still. it's my life. i can be picky.
    i have to live with it afterall.

  17. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 7, 2017 7:14am EDT
    There's nothing more attractive than ambition.

  18. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 6, 2017 7:38am EDT
    I go back and forth between thinking I'm too mean or too nice. I've decided. I'm way too nice. Like annoyingly nice. It would help to be a little meaner. It's silly. Being resilient, having standards for myself, others always made it into a bad characteristic. When I said no, I was being mean. When I finally snapped, you had the audacity to ask if my bad mood was because of my period. How conceited does someone have to be to not think for a second that maybe I was "in a bad mood" because of them? I still don't understand how being confident in things I'm good at, is me being up myself, or thinking I'm better than others. It all seems like deflecting. And maybe being mean is the best thing for me.

  19. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    August 4, 2017 2:28am EDT
    It's been a long time coming, but I'm finally cutting the ropes. Let go now whilst you're not too far off the ground. I'm not holding onto you anymore.

  20. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    July 15, 2017 11:10pm EDT
    Captured in my memory, all of it. After a glimpse I had to catch my breath, because, you do what you do. Beautiful, that's how I'll remember you. Because there's no other way. Just you, everything about you, was truly beautiful. Captured, you come to me in flashes. I try, I try my best to smile because, you...it's always been you. You made the hard parts bearable. Even hanging up, even turning away; they're all beautiful memories you made for me. So thank you, for every glimpse you let me steal. It made my heart race in the most beautiful way.

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