ChickenFillets's Favorites

ChickenFillets

happiest*
posted a quote
September 23, 2013 2:25pm UTC

i’m jealous of those kids who are able to tell their family anything without being judged.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 219 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 6, 2013 2:31pm UTC

Once in high school my friend kicked her leg up and her shoe flew off and smashed into the ceiling with this huge BANG and the teacher whirled around and yelled “WHO DID THAT?” and my friend just stared at her as the ceiling tile fell and shattered on the floor between them and the shoe thumped down on top of it and my friend just went “that’s not my shoe” while standing there with one shoe on

👍 this is good · read the comments · 269 points

happiest*
posted a quote
September 27, 2013 2:14pm UTC

if you locked your boyfriend and your dog in a trunk for a week and then opened it the boyfriend would probably be pis.sed but the dog would be happy to see you also known as reasons why dogs are better than boyfriends

👍 this is good · read the comments · 260 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 3:47pm UTC

"you wear that shirt a lot."
yeah that's because i own it.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 218 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
September 17, 2013 4:21pm UTC

If I were a girl I'd probably just use my period to get away with everything
My boss: Charlita! Why didn't you do this project when I asked you to???
Me: I'm on my period.
My boss: You should go home and get some rest.
My boss: Completely paid for.
My boss: Actually take the whole week off.
My boss: And you know? Take my car.
My boss: Just don't scratch it.
My boss: Actually, go ahead and scratch it. I don't care.
My boss: Just leave.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 256 points

kristabff
posted a quote
September 21, 2013 9:06pm UTC

People who are born in 1999
are cooler than everyone else because before we were born we were all like "Woah let's see how close we can get to the 2000's without actually being born in 2000's" yeah we like to live our lives on the edge for sure. risk takers. bow down to us. bow down to me.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 234 points

Chris*
posted a quote
September 16, 2013 8:34pm UTC

So there's a foreign student in my school and she's from Thailand and doesn't speak English very well. In Language class she started talking about how she'd never seen a 'beach chicken' before she came to America and everyone was really confused. It took us about 5 minutes to realize 'beach chicken' were seagulls.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 231 points

happiest*
posted a quote
September 18, 2013 2:04pm UTC

Found a paper I wrote in 5th grade that I got an ‘f’ on.
My prompt was “Imagine you are sitting on a cloud, what would you do or see” I wrote, "I would see the ground as I fell because I would fall through it because in science you told us that clouds were just water mists."

👍 this is good · read the comments · 230 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 21, 2013 2:11pm UTC

Me: *misses TV episode*
Episode: *never played again*
Me: *watches TV episode*
Episode: *played 1000 times*

👍 this is good · read the comments · 271 points

ChocoTaco
posted a quote
September 18, 2013 7:21pm UTC

I bet most of you guys here on Witty
Are actually really popular in school, and you just pretend to be losers so the Internet accepts you.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 317 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
September 16, 2013 6:58pm UTC

Me: *looks through top stories on Wattpad*
Wattpad: I Fell In Love With Niall Horan
Wattpad: A One Direction Love Story
Wattpad: Adopted by Zerrie
Wattpad: All of One Direction is Fighting Over Me???
Me: What the actual fck

👍 this is good · read the comments · 241 points

bye*
posted a quote
September 17, 2013 5:13pm UTC

I have so much respect for people who make dictionaries.
Someone’s job was to literally describe every word in the English language
and put it in a book,
like, if I had to do that it’d be so sarcastic and rude like
“sky: that blue f/cking thing over your head dumba/ss”

👍 this is good · read the comments · 279 points

happiest*
posted a quote
September 16, 2013 4:03pm UTC

this kid that sits next to me in math class said to me today, “you’re my favorite person at this table because u don’t talk to anyone and u just sit there” and I said ” I don’t know how to respond to that” and he replied with “that’s because u don’t talk”

👍 this is good · read the comments · 298 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
September 20, 2013 5:01pm UTC

Me: *goes through a year of school*
Me: Wow that was so fast!
Me: *watches a 30 second youtube ad*
Me: THIS IS NEVERENDING

👍 this is good · read the comments · 334 points

Yourbeautiful*
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 5:29pm UTC

- Are you an angel?
- No, why?
- Well my mum told me that those who have marked wrists are angels.
- I'm not an angel though.
- Of course you are. Mum said that only angels harm theirselves
because they don't like life on earth. This world is destroying
them so they try to return back home in heaven. They are too
sensitive to the pain of others and their own.
- You know, your mum is very wise.
- Thank you, she is also an angel but she has already returned home.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 357 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
September 14, 2013 6:31pm UTC

"We're your family, we're allowed to make fun of you."
"Come on, it's just a joke."
"Toughen up and stop being a baby."
"We're just teasing."
Stop.
Bullying is bullying no matter who it comes from. I just hurts a sh.itload more when it's coming from people you trust.
Screw off.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 336 points

happiest*
posted a quote
September 14, 2013 3:23pm UTC

Do you ever, all of a sudden, get this overwhelming wave of self hatred? Like suddenly you hate your body, every inch, your face, your voice, your smile, your laugh, your personality.. you just want to disappear because you can’t stand to be yourself.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 365 points

kristabff
posted a quote
September 22, 2013 12:35pm UTC

Relax!
Uh oh, there was an error when we tried to add a boyfriend to your life. Please try again.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 416 points

happiest*
posted a quote
September 16, 2013 4:01pm UTC

today i saw this cute cop and my first thought was “damn i would tap that a.ss so bad” and then he laughed and came closer to me and i thought i did something bad and i couldn’t think what was it and when he started talking i took off my headphones and he said “that was quite a compliment young lady” and in that moment i realizED I SAY THAT OUT LOUD AND FCK MY LIFE AND WHY MUST I HAVE A MOUTH WITH NO FILTER

👍 this is good · read the comments · 395 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
September 14, 2013 4:47pm UTC

Me: *opens witty*
Witty: Please sign in.
Me: *signs in*
Witty: You're already signed in, silly!
Me: Then why
Me: the fück
Me: did you tell me
Me: to sign
Me: in.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 427 points

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ChickenFillets