Best Toofunny Quotes Ever

Maicy Rasmus*
posted a quote
April 5, 2013 10:25pm UTC

sweetie
theres a big difference
between a
tan, and
[[rolling in a bag of Doritos]]

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Vinita*
posted a quote
November 24, 2013 12:09pm UTC

What did the meat shredder say to the meat?
Grind on me

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Vinita*
posted a quote
November 23, 2013 2:49pm UTC

One time
I tripped in front of a 2nd grader
and I wanted to say holy cr*p
but i wanted to say holy cow because it was a 2nd grader
so I ended up saying
'Holy crow'

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bluebox2
posted a quote
March 20, 2013 8:20pm UTC

...ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

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sophxoxo
posted a quote
May 7, 2013 8:11pm UTC

Too Funny #1
*Nerdy guy's phone rings*
Jock: "Who was that, your girlfriend?"
*everyone laughs*
Nerd: "Nope, it was yours."
*Dead silence*

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PrimarilyParamore*
posted a quote
November 21, 2013 9:19pm UTC

Jack Barakat
@JackAllTimeLow
Follow
Alex just grabbed my butt and whispered "If the kids don't belive, make them believe". I have no idea what he's talking about
********* please do not remove the credit, this format was made by petrichor :-) ALSO DO NOT REMOVE THIS PART EITHER BECAUSE THIS IS THE CREDIT TOO OKAY
← Reply
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sidneyxo
posted a quote
January 31, 2013 4:01pm UTC

When you walk into a spiderweb and suddenly
become a karate master

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lovelybow
posted a quote
April 4, 2013 7:19pm UTC

So, I was shopping with my mum and we were in the lingerie aisle and these two little girls were staring at these bright bras and one of them said "I'm gonna buy that when I'm older," me and my mum burst out laughing.

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CommonTeen
posted a quote
September 12, 2013 4:09pm UTC

IMAGINE IF SIMON COWELL WAS YOUR DAD
AND YOU WERE SINGING IN THE SHOWER
AND HE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR AND SAID
“IT’S A NO FROM ME”

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AnaCastro196
posted a quote
July 26, 2013 4:14pm UTC

I ordered Nail Gems on Amazon.com.
I got my package today and inside
they gave me a free dollar.
I started laughing so hard

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Gpc11
posted a quote
January 9, 2015 12:19am UTC

*Comes home with bag*Me: Hey babe I got you somthing, I want you to wear it later tonight!Her: But...there's nothing in the bag?Me: ;)

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PrimarilyParamore*
posted a quote
December 22, 2013 11:52pm UTC

I'm starting
to really
Understand Jack
Barakat's obsession
With the
Movie,
HOME ALONe

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PrimarilyParamore*
posted a quote
December 5, 2013 11:09pm UTC

Alex " Hi!"
Squire "GO SING!"
Alex "Hold on D!(kf*(ker!"
Jack "Hey! Matt is NOT a d!(kf*(ker!"
Alex "He IS a d!(kf*(ker I've seen-"
Squire "You don't know how to curse."
Alex "I don't... I just-"
Squire "Hey D!(kf*(ker!"
Alex "All my mind is capable of is pulling two out of nowhere and stringing
them together."
Alex "Hey Sh!+-"
Jack "Hey (0(k d!(k!"
Alex" Hey you $h!+ b@$+@rd!"
Rian "I'm gonna f*(k $h!+ you!"
Alex "I'mma $h!++ing f*(k on your head!"

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PrimarilyParamore*
posted a quote
November 22, 2013 4:48pm UTC

My Grandma
takes selfies
and poses
with Duckface...
x"D

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PrimarilyParamore*
posted a quote
February 24, 2014 7:13pm UTC

Are you
The Cinerlla
Who'll be
Ballin'?
Format:SecretlyBrokenAndSilentlyHoping

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PrimarilyParamore*
posted a quote
February 25, 2014 5:19pm UTC

SoMeONE has
sabotaged the
condamns.
Format:SecretlyBrokenAndSilentlyHoping

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Gpc11
posted a quote
November 7, 2014 7:08pm UTC

She used Vaseline to give me a hand job and I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off.