The sun will still smile down on me if I cry. The world won't end just because I want it to either. I can't hold onto the hands of time and ask them to stop for a moment or an eternity. Life is just happening to me. My parents just decided and i was poofed into existence. A soul was breathed into me and it's still here. Breathing even if i don't want it to. The sun will still set whether i want it to or not. A new day will roll around whether i'm prepared for it or not. Right now life is just happening to me. No other way to describe it. Life isn't hurting or exciting me. It's just happening. Like i'm just watching a movie, nothing too problematic or uneventful. It's just on because someone decided to turn it on. But i'm the one who has to watch it for its entirety incase something happens. idek.
So every so often i will be in a situation good or bad this case being bad and being someone who has a music soul i get a song stuck in my head that relates to the current situation but i will not listen to the song because it would just make things worse. but apperently the powers that be think otherwise and i wind up hearing the song on the radio as if it was meant to be and more often then not i never know the reason why. if there is anyone else out there who has this happen to them your not alone for i to experience this strange phenomenon.
THE VOICES IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH IM WORTHLESS IM A FAILURE WHY AM I HERE???? IF I DISAPPEARED..... WHO WOULD CARED ??? IM JUST A WASTE A SPACE.... THOSE ARE THE THINGS I HEAR INSIDE MY HEAD I CANT TAKE IT SOMETIMES , MAYBE IF I WASNT HERE THINGS WOULD BE BETTER...... I HATE THIS FEELING, I HATE THINKING MAYBE MY HEAD IS RIGHT ....UGHHH SOMETHING I WISH I DIDNT HAVE TO THINK , I WISH I DIDNT HAVE TO FEEL , I WISH THINGS WAS DIFFERENT IN MY HEAD UGHHHHH I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
You broke me , then fixed me. Now the pieces of me hold together, forever, in your hands. I had always felt a void in my heart and soul after that day, even years afterward. It was heart-wrenching. Now I know why; I was right. You were the one. We were soulmates when I didn't even believe in fate; you came back to me years after we should have forgotten each other. It was hard to trust each other at first, but we have come a long way; I've always wanted to marry my best friend. It's been two and a half years now since we came back together. I now know I will ever have to endure the pain of losing you again. I have never been happier in my life. I love you so much, Daniel.
Dudu* posted a quote
September 24, 2018 6:32am EDT
you described it as "the time you were in the mood where you didn't want to meet or do anything" in such a round about way. i don't have to spell it out for you, we learnt about this together. starts with D ends with pression. you always throw that word around when you mean sad. so why couldn't you put two and two together? of course you knew, you're smart afterall. if not you, then who else would notice? i knew that you just didn't want to make me uncomfortable, but that's a scary thought...because that's how people slip away. it's not your fault though, it'll never be your fault. i just never want to hear you describe it that way. i had to laugh it off, but you made me feel like such a pain. i knew i was being a nuisance so i distanced myself. it wasn't necessarily a call for help but just time needed to recuperate. you told me recently i need to share more with you. that it's better than keeping it bottled up. but i hate attention and pity. in a crooked way i prefer it this way, although all that's left is me feeling bitter. i'll overcome this too.
Dudu* posted a quote
September 24, 2018 6:15am EDT
Will i leave a mark that leaves people saying i did well? do i even need those words? why have i convinced myself that i'm above such words? i do need much. i can have standards. i'm not a low maintenance person. throughout the day, when i laugh, i think..."yes, this is really all i need." Just one thing that makes me laugh, even for a moment. but i chase that thrill. It turns into, "even if i can find a bit of delight in this donut, i'll let myself indulge." But i don't know how to do this self care thing. i'm either hard on myself or letting myself go. there's no period in between where it's not destructive. but yeah. i've overcome everything that has already come, this shouldn't be any different. i don't even have to overcome it, just become accustom to it. accept it as a part of my personality...even if it doesn't have to be.
It's late at night and neither one of us is sleeping I can't imagine living my life after you're gone Wondering why so many questions have no answers I keep on searching for the reason why we went wrong Where is our yesterday You and I could use it right now But if this is goodbye Just take my heart when you go I don't have the need for it anymore I'll always love you, but you're too hard to hold Just take my heart when you go Here we are about to take the final step now I just can't fool myself, I know there's no turning back Face to face it's been an endless conversation But when the love is gone you're left with nothing but talk I'd give my everything If only I could turn you around But if this is goodbye Just take my heart when you go I don't have the need for it anymore I'll always love you, but you're too hard to hold Just take my heart when you go
It's time to move on, time to get going What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing But under my feet, baby, grass is growing It's time to move on, it's time to get going Broken skyline, movin' through the airport She's an honest defector Conscientious objector Now her own protector Broken skyline, which way to love land Which way to something better Which way to forgiveness Which way do I go It's time to move on, time to get going What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing But under my feet, baby, grass is growing It's time to move on, it's time to get going Sometime later, getting the words wrong Wasting the meaning and losing the rhyme Nauseous adrenalin Like breakin' up a dogfight Like a deer in the headlights Frozen in real time I'm losing my mind It's time to move on, time to get going What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing But under my feet, baby, grass is growing It's time to move on, it's time to get going
Let me run with you tonight I'll take you on a moonlight ride There's someone I used to see But she don't give a damn for me But let me get to the point, let's roll another joint And turn the radio loud, I'm too alone to be proud You don't know how it feels You don't know how it feels to be me People come, people go Some grow young, some grow cold I woke up in between A memory and a dream So let's get to the point, let's roll another joint Let's head on down the road There's somewhere I gotta go And you don't know how it feels You don't know how it feels to be me