I'm never gonna let you close to me Even though you mean the most to me 'Cause every time I open up, it hurts So I'm never gonna get too close to you Even when I mean the most to you In case you go and leave me in the dirt
Last night, I stood up to you, I told you how much you hurt me on a daily basis. I was fearless, and not afraid to walk away because the insecurity that I would never find somebody else disappeared. I started packing my bags, I took the money I made to support us, I called a taxi and as I was walking out the door, you were crying and begging me to stay and apologizing with promises you were going to change, but I turned my head and kept walking because this was something I've heard before. I got into the taxi, I didn't even wave goodbye or give it a second thought. I arrived at the airport on time for my departure, got on the plan with plans and hope for a new life that doesn't involve your emotional abuse and harsh words. I arrived in California ready to begin a new life, as you came running towards me with a gun, and just like that I woke up.
I love how sweet the first bite of new love tastes, the fresh breath of air you take after. The way it becomes addictive, something you can't see yourself living without. But it seems that over time, it becomes sour, and after each bite the sweetness just starts to fade into a bitter aftertaste that I can no longer stomach. It's become rotten and now has to be forgotten, tossed away just as anything that has spoiled over time.
You hurt me when I'm good to you. You lie to me even whenI tell you the truth. You leave me after I give you attention. You walk away when I ask you something after I answer your question. You ignore me when you have someone better to talk to. You only love me when I'm beneficial. You only want me when you're lonely. You don't care how my day was, but you'll tell me about yours. You don't love me the way I love you.
Steph (:* posted a quote
September 21, 2017 8:48pm EDT
It's a cold autumn morning birds chirping in the distance. The dew is settled in the front lawn and cars cars driving by in the distance making their way to work. Closing the front door i make my way down the front steps and onto the pavement. Putting headphones in I start making my way down the sidewalk. The cool air hurts my lungs with every breath I take in, but it helps clear my mind. Picking up my pace I start to breathe harder, burning my throat even more but I keep pushing on. Reaching the end of the side walk I vear off onto a side country road. Running to the beat of the music I pick up my pace a little more. I must've been so concentrated on the road ahead of me I didn't see the car coming at me. When I realized it was too late, i could feel my body flying through the air but I don't remeber hitting the ground. Coming to I watched tires peel off and just the distance of brake lights getting further and further. They left me for dead. No stopping, no cops, no help, just darkness closing around me, and the cold air wrapping its blanket on my limp body.
YOU GROW RAVENOUS. YOU RUN FEVERS. YOU KNOW EXHILARATIONS. YOU CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT, BECAUSE YOUR BEAST-CREATURE IDEAS WANT O U T AND TURN YOU IN YOUR BED. IT IS A GRAND WAY TO LIVE. — Ray Bradbury "Zen IN the Art of Writing"
30 Day Song Challenge. 1. A Song you can listen to on repeat. 2. A Song from one of your fave albums. 3. A Song from your childhood. 4. A Song that makes you feel strong. 5. A Song that makes you sad. 6.A Song that cheers you up. 7. A Song that reminds you of your friends. 8. A Song that reminds you of an ex or crush. 9. A Song that reminds you of you. 10. A Song that brings back bad memories. 11. A Song that brings back good memories. 12. A Song that grew on you. 13. A Song from a musical 14. A Song with a great music video. 15. A Song that's better as a cover 16. A Song that's better acoustic. 17. A Song with great lyrics. 18. A Song for the Summer. 19. A Song for heartache. 20. A song for car rides. 21. A Song for the rain. 22. A Song for dancing. 23. A Song for making out. 24. A Song for a lover. 25. A Song from before you were born. 26. A Song from a band that broke up. 27. A Song you've seen live. 28. A Song you want to see live. 29. A Song by a band you don't usually like. 30. A Song you recommend. Day 29: A Song by a band you don't usually like: Honestly, there's not many bands I dislike so I'll just go with one I don't usually listen to. If You Can't Hang by: Sleeping With Sirens.
To my favorite person in the world, I know things are over, and I know that means I don't get to create new memories with you. I know I have told you not to talk to me again, but everyday I talk to you, sometimes in whispers, sometimes in sobs, but everyday I do. I know a lot of things now and one of them is how incredibly I miss you, but how that alone is not a great enough incentive to get us to talk again anymore. I know what we had was special and invaluable, and I know it because I know a lot of people, a hell of a lot of them, and still nothing makes up for the fact that we won't get to stroll around aimlessly together anymore. I know I am sad, I can feel it everyday as I lay my head down to sleep, and I know why I am so, but I also know that I have tried with all my heart for the both of us and it went in vain. I know what would feel good and what is right to do, and it aches me that this time they are two completely different things. I know I had you. I know I lost you.I know things are sh|tty. I know it's aready been a while. I know I should've been feeling better. BUT I AM NOT.And that's okay, or at least that's what they say. The one thing I DON'T know is whether this will end up being just a break or a good-luck-in-another-lifetime kind of thing. And it's scary how I DON'T know which of them would be a better option. I DON'T know why I'm writing this as well, but I guess if I ever figure out why I still talk to you in my head everyday, I'll figure out the rest of this. LOVE, always.