*Freedom* posted a quote
April 23, 2017 12:34pm EDT
"lets be realistic," he said with a scoff.I was being realistic. Yes, my reality was to spend the rest of my life with you.Yes, my reality was to grasp your face and connect our lips in a white dress.Yes, my reality was to hold your hand as my fingers dug within your flesh as the doctors yelled for me to push.Yes, my reality was to help you wash your gray short hair and tease each other about our wrinkles.Yes, my reality was to stare at grandchildren as we reminisced about our lives.You were my reality, and I was being realistic."you're right," I mumbled in agreement, "i need to be realistic."I was being realistic.
I was so mad today. I went to the backyard and teared up for a bit. It was so embarrassing. I didn't realise but I kept picking away at my skin, when I was done a small patch had turned blood red. I only realised when dad asked if I fells on rocks. I didn't notice I did that to myself, I was so distracted that I hurt myself. My knee is throbbing. It's so scary. Never again. This is a form of self sabotage I won't fall victim to and make a habit out of. I was on autopilot. I'm scared of myself atm. It's not a good feeling. My knee hurts and it was unconsciously intentional.
Sometimes, I think of the Moon and Sun as lovers who rarely meet. . . Always chase and almost always miss one another. But once in a while, they do catch up. . . and they kiss and the world stares in awe of their eclipse.
You hurt me when I'm good to you. You lie to me even whenI tell you the truth. You leave me after I give you attention. You walk away when I ask you something after I answer your question. You ignore me when you have someone better to talk to. You only love me when I'm beneficial. You only want me when you're lonely. You don't care how my day was, but you'll tell me about yours. You don't love me the way I love you.