holding onto the hands of time and begging him to stay. tears that rarely fell are coursing down his face. a memory of a man who smiles with his teeth is fading fast. hunched posture, shaking shoulders. all it will take is time and he will be whole again. warm porridge, a hot bath, fresh pajamas. i won't take my eyes off of him. i'll tuck him in. wrinkles that were deepset are easing away. blanket rises and falls with every breath he takes. i hope he's dreaming a beautiful dream. with his eyes closed, finally i cave.
the words that hurt and dug deep into my skin. they were so relentless and bold. making a home where they were not welcome. now when i see you those words surface again. as fresh as ever, they circulate in my head. round and round. down this path we've walked. apologies and faked forgiveness. perhaps i am still immature. because i can't move on. cannot accept you've changed because those words linger. you could mean well, but when you smile at me i feel as though you are mocking me. when you greet me i wonder if you enjoy torturing me like this. i always wanted to grow older and move away. this world is so big but not big enough. i wanted to move onto another life at some point. but with my luck i would still see you there. the me who was small and afraid. she hides behind the me who is cold and unapproachable. i'll reciprocate your smile and greeting. the smile won't reach my eyes, the greeting won't ever be genuine. i'm mature, i get it now. i just have to pretend like everyone else.