Dudu* posted a quote
September 21, 2021 5:05am UTC
a letter that can't be received. if you knew would things be different? if i could have you sympathise with me, would i feel different? cause right now, fallen tears only matter if they're yours. anxiousness and the tight chest feeling is nothing for me but when it's you, i need to be more understanding. and i know you have trouble sleeping and you cry almost daily...but join the club. this path goes both ways and we're both hurt people hurting eachother. but i'm just sick of ignoring my feelings to make you happy. it's not worth it to hate myself to make you proud of me. i never liked community gatherings, i never liked how you favoured my eldest sister. i never liked being your rock, the quiet one or the "good girl". if being a doormat with no self respect is who i need to be to receive your love, you can keep it.
So basiclly it has been 1 million years since ive been on here. I was looking through all my old stuff as a teenager and it's crazy because it feels like it was just yesterday. Plus I was such a weirdo lol I still am, but I guess I just hide it a bit better now that Im older lol. I am having such nostalgia it's unreal. I hope eveyone who is still on here and active is doing well. I remember when it used to be so popular and people were posting quotes all the time. I miss this place a lot and I really wish it would make a come back. I think it would be really nice. Lets all try to bring it back lol. I know that no one is probably going to see this, but I guess I just want to document for myself so I can look back at it in another million years from now lol, or even the slight chance that someone will see this, I hope youre doing well. Im just sentamental person and sometimes it's hard for me to let go of the past. Ive been thinking a lot about the past recently so I guess thats why I decided to hop back on here for a minute. I guess that's it. So uh BYE ;) ~Diana <3 9/12/21 @9:59pm
mommy and daddy issues keeping me awake again so i'm hitting up my bestest friend. mood up or down, he can decide. i wanna switch my brain off and just follow someone i love. now backed in a corner with those pretty eyes. it's an obvious trap but i like it like that. he flashes that smile and all my stress subsides. think i'm gonna put him in charge. just a naughty guy that gives me the butterflies. don't know how i'd make it otherwise.
The Ephemeral Israeli entity and America are bombing Syria now. Why doesn't the world say they are terrorists?Oh, I forgot that the media only publishes America and Israel with the image of the angel.When America withdrew from Afghanistan, it withdrew in order to make the people kill each other while America and we are watching them.We are not fools in politics.
I am free. So much time walking around in a fog, just going along with what was expected of me. I made myself out to be something that I wasn't and it was suffocating. But I couldn't even see who I really was becasue of how much I had pushed down and ignored.
cause your motherly touch feels like manipulation and your fatherly concern feels like insincerity. your eyes go green when you look at me. bank account, back up atm, i'll piggy back you both out of this mess. but when i turn to him, why are you both perplexed? craving a shoulder to lead on, a leader to lead me on. a touch that feels like what my mother's should, a voice that consoles me like no one else could. when i want to put this all down and rest my eyes. when i want to cave in, let the tears fall, guess who comes to mind? in flashes of gold and pink, the thought of him makes my heart sing. why did you both have to pale so much in comparison? both busy being busy, so loneliness became family to me. at some point anyone with a heart beat would have sufficed. but his blood is warm and his favourite laugh is mine
Maybe you have asked yourself this question: Why there are so many languages?Ans: When our God created our father Adam ,He taught him languages .The first language that Adam used was Arabic Because he was created in the paradise and Arabic is the language of paradise.When Adam descended to the earth and his wife ,he beget kids and each of them took many languages .... Source: Islamic religion
It has been years since we spoke but I still think of you everyday. Now it's too late to put into words how I felt and how scared I was to let myself be with you. Both of us felt this huge pull towards each other but I kept running away, thinking we'd have time. I didn't want our friendship to change and I wasn't ready for the next step. And now that you're gone, all I'm left with is the guilt of not taking a chance for once in my life. This guilt is also twisted with feelings of betrayal when I think about the last time I saw you. I was vulnerable and you took advantage of that. I still feel the way your hands slid across my body and how you pressed yourself on top of me and I couldn't do anything to stop you. 4 years later I am still struggling with this yet I would give anything to see you again
starting a new job, then having a meeting for a new uni placement, then an appointment with a therapist for the first time. all scary but i am showing up for myself. i am proud of myself for getting this far. i am proud of myself for putting myself in this situation. i like taking care of myself this way.
if you knew what i was going through would you even be proud? have you ever been proud? will anything ever be enough to make you proud? sometimes i like gold stickers too. sometimes i need a pat on the back too. sometimes i want to cause trouble just for attention too. the quiet child who always did well by herself... even she needs encouragement sometimes. she's your child too.
surely you've forgotten but i cross this bridge each day. to remind myself i'm good. i worry i've become the antagonist. i keep crossing this bridge, it makes me sadder. more cold. i cross it and remember how hurt i was. crushed under confused yet precise rubber boots. golden child gifting me a fresh pink scar and a day off from school. i watch the current and think in silence for a few hours. salt in the wound as more tears flow. how sad and alone. what excuse would i present with tomorrow? i stifled whimpers back in bed. "i can take you to school right now if you want." awkward and out of place. sat across with a dumb look on your face. i keep crossing this bridge. pillow still soaked for the same old and new reasons. it's how i justify my actions. you were cruel. so i can at least be cold back.
i got the dream offer. i can be happier now. i know where i'll intern now. i took the steps i needed to and it worked out as planned. i'll smile easier now. my shoulders won't droop as much now. i'll suppress ill thoughts now.
i wasn't assertive & outspoken, i wasn't popular & outgoing, but i am not sorry. i wasn't sick enough, not loud enough. your love was difficult to attain. for giving up...for slipping away, i'm not sorry.
In the future, Jews will fight Muslims in the land of Palestine, and they will be killed by Muslims.Because of the intensity of this war, a deep hole in Jerusalem is filled with blood.Muslims will be victorious, and Jerusalem will be returned to Muslims.During this war, trees and stones speak.The stones and trees call out to the Muslim: O Muslim, there is a Jew behind me, kill him .Except one tree that Jews plant in abundance, called Gharqad, because it protects Jews.The liberation of Palestine is an indication of the approaching doomsday.#Prophet_Mohammad_speech