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samanthameston

peacegirl270
posted a quote
February 1, 2013 11:21pm UTC

"Why the heck is that cotton candy talking?"
"Grandma please, that's Nicki Minaj."
nmq/nmf

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 12 points

amber_bubbles_98
posted a quote
February 2, 2013 6:07am UTC

TEACHER: Why didn't you study?
STUDENT: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year; hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days; you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days...You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday. That's why I did not study.
Teacher: ...
Teacher: Class dismissed
#stolen

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TheGurlWithTheCurls
posted a quote
February 2, 2013 5:12pm UTC

Why do they call it the constitution? Con means it's negative.
They should call it the PROsti-- Oh ( -.-)

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imaginationgirl
posted a quote
February 2, 2013 12:12pm UTC

Meanwhile on the school bus...
Random Guy: ... and his little brother steals the ladder of their bunk bed then covers the floor beneath it with legos
Everyone:
Random Guy In Back:HAHAHAH THAT KID IS LEGEND!

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 80 points

ChocoTaco
posted a quote
February 2, 2013 2:38pm UTC

2010: You're only cool if you have Silly Bandz!
2011: Planking is boss!
2012: Hey, lets go choke on cinnamon!
2013: I feel like eating my used tampon.

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clearlytruthful
posted a quote
February 2, 2013 12:44pm UTC

2% or 98% This is strange...can you figure it out? Are you the 2% or 98% of the population? Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD! * Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow. * There's no trick or surprise. * Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
* Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really.
* Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something.)
Think of a number from 1 to 10
Multiply that number by 9
If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together
Now subtract 5
Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with (example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)
Think of a country that starts with that letter.
Remember the last letter of the name of that country.
Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.
Remember the last letter in the name of that animal.
Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter.
Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange? I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise.
Nmq

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happiest*
posted a quote
February 2, 2013 3:28pm UTC

You: Hi
Stranger: hi
You: name?
Stranger: chun wu at your service
You: alexander goldberg
Stranger: sup?
You: u know i never forgave u koreans for attacking pearl harbor
Stranger: uhh.i'm chinese
You: chinese,japanese,korean...what's the difference
Stranger: u serious?
You: yeah
Stranger: .....
Stranger: u know i never forgave u jews for sinking the titanic
You: that was an iceberg
Stranger: goldberg,greenberg,iceberg what's the difference
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

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Just_A_Little_Too_Addicted
posted a quote
February 1, 2013 10:29pm UTC

Phone S.e.x?
Nah, I got virgin mobile

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StayingStrongForever
posted a quote
February 1, 2013 1:08pm UTC

I really hate it when;
Girls are all like "Omg suck my d!ck."
What?
First of all, you're a girl, you don't have one of those.
Second, do you realize how unclassy that makes you sound?
I wanna just bash girls face's off a table when they say that.
"Omg you jerk, just suck my d!ick."
If you're joking, okay, that's fine.
But when you're genuinly angered or annoyed when you say that-
No, just no. It's bad enough when guys say that.

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CupcakeeLuvah
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 11:40pm UTC

Say this fast.
I M 2 6 C 4 U

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SecretlyBrokenAndSilentlyHoping
posted a quote
January 25, 2013 7:10pm UTC

"We're gonna party like it's 3012 tonight."
Well, I hate to break it to you, but you'll be dead in 3012.
So what exactly are you going to do? Sleep?

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sorry_for_loving_you
posted a quote
January 25, 2013 1:51pm UTC

Me and my boyfriend texting
Me: sorry i fell asleep last night. :P
Him: I was so sad :(
me: Omg really? :( im sorry!
Him: Noo im just kitten(:
Me: Say you're sorry right meow!(;
Him: I dont know about all cat (;
Me: lol i love you so much ((:
Him: I love you and you're cats too. <3 (:
I.will.Marry.Him.

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CaitlinAtTheDisco*
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 7:30pm UTC

The three most uncomfortable situations for girls
1. When you spill food down your shirt and you can't really get it
2. When a teacher says 'pick a partner' and you don't have a friend in that class
3. Doing jumping jacks in gym

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 130 points

WeAreTheBoys
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 6:56pm UTC

"When you getting married to your girlfriend?"
"I would have already...if it weren't for her family."
"Her family?"
"Her husband and 2 kids."

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 112 points

brigid*
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 7:03pm UTC

Wife: Honey can you help me with the garden?
Husband: Do I look like a gardener?
Wife: Honey the toilet is broken!
Husband: Do I look like a plumber?
(The husband went out for lunch and when he came back the house was fixed)
Husband: Did you fix all of this?
Wife: No, the neighbors son did, but he said I had to make him a burger or sleep with with him.
Husband: You gave him the burger right?
Wife: Do I look like a Burger King?

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HakunaaMatata
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 5:40pm UTC

The short answer is "no."
the long answer is "f*ck no."

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 138 points

jessdillon1234
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 8:56pm UTC

I was helping out with one of the preschool classes at my dance studio and this was a legit conversation that went on:
teacher: did anyone see there mommy or daddy watching the inagoration?
kid one: whats that?
kid two: its when you sleep during day
me: thats nocturnal
kid three: arn't bats nocturnal?
kid two: no antolopes are
kid four: nuh uh antolopes a fruit
kid five: i know where babys come from!!
*everyone gets quiet*
kid five: *whispering* cleevland.
entire class: *gasp*
*true story

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Connork11
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 7:00pm UTC

"So what are you learning in math?"
That is an excellent question
NMQ

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yourcool
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 5:54pm UTC

i'm not saying i deserve to be rich and famous,
i'm just saying i feel like i was supposed to be.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 250 points

LauzHeys
posted a quote
January 24, 2013 5:38pm UTC

Astronomy professor: Please explain the big bang theory.
Me:
Astronomy professor:
Me:
Astronomy professor:
Me:
Astronomy professor:
Me:
Astronomy professor:
Me: Our whole universe was in a hot dense state, then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait... the Earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools, we built a wall, we built the pyramids!! Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries, that all started with the big bang! HEY!

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