TTyler88's Favorites

Pluto*
posted a quote
March 19, 2013 2:39pm UTC

The word 'sexy' is no loger censored.
I guess you could say,
Steve just bought sexy back.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 648 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
February 27, 2013 6:03pm UTC

Argument I heard on the bus:
Guy 1: No, man, gay bros can raise babies. Look at warthog motherf//cker and that ferret thing that raised Simba. And Simba became king of motherf//cking Africa.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 659 points

yourcool
posted a quote
February 5, 2013 6:15pm UTC

i feel like i've done enough good stuff that
i now deserve to be stuck in an elevator with a cute boy.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 684 points

yourcool
posted a quote
February 10, 2013 1:48pm UTC

my mom and dad never gave me "the talk"
as a child. they must've known how unattractive and unsociable i would become.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 722 points

Soccerfata
posted a quote
February 19, 2013 6:47pm UTC

So I get home and there's this random guy on my couch and he's like "Alright, I don't want to hurt you. Just put your stuff down and get on the ground. I just want your money." And I almost had a heart attack. I was like, "OMG, please no I don't have any money. I'm too young to die." Then he was like, "Nah man, I'm just messin with you. I'm your brothers friend. He's in the shower, I'm just waiting for him."
That guy is a genius....

👍 this is good · read the comments · 753 points

finding_nemo
posted a quote
February 6, 2013 7:27pm UTC

*My brother's friend got another tattoo*
Me: Now you can't give blood.
brother's friend: I know that's why I got it.
brother's friend: I hate needles.
Can we just let this sink in?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 751 points

posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 3, 2013 4:32pm UTC

girl pockets: can fit a piece of lint. if you're lucky, two pieces of lint.
guy's pockets: can fit car keys, a notepad, a calculator, the neighbors dog, an apartment complex, the entire state of hawaii, and half of jupiter.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 782 points

posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 749 points

ChocoTaco
posted a quote
February 25, 2013 3:36pm UTC

I wish we could feed our fat to the starving children in Africa
it would solve obesity in the United States
and starvation in Africa

👍 this is good · read the comments · 800 points

yourcool
posted a quote
February 12, 2013 3:46pm UTC

puberty either makes you a
hot god or a potatoe.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 803 points

Waffle
posted a quote
January 25, 2013 6:00pm UTC

I think its time to shave my legs
"MOTHER, FETCH THE LAWN MOWER"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 806 points

XxMeliRidesRainbowPoniesxX
posted a quote
February 2, 2013 12:56pm UTC

Is it just me, or did we used to have normal-scented shampoos before? Everything was just strawberry, cinnamon, and citrus. Nice, normal things.
Now I pick up a bottle of shampoo and it's all like:
"DEW GATHERED BY MONKS FROM THE HIMALAYA MOUNTAINS MIXED WITH A ROOT OF AN ASNCLSCHBK PLANT THAT GROWS ONLY IN AN OBSCURE VILLIAGE IN AMAZONIA, WITH A DASH OF MAGICAL BERRIES FROM NARNIA TO GIVE YOU HAIR SOME VOLUME."
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT STILL SMELLS LIKE CITRUS TO ME.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 844 points

yourcool
posted a quote
March 10, 2013 4:45am UTC

am i the only one who tries to
learn lyrics to rap songs so i can surprise people during car rides.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 891 points

yourcool
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 1:33pm UTC

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW NED IS SURVIVING HIGH SCHOOL?
I HAVEN'T HEARD A WORD FROM HIM SINCE THE END OF EIGHTH GRADE AND I'M STARTING TO WORRY

👍 this is good · read the comments · 923 points

jimmy365
posted a quote
January 27, 2013 12:13pm UTC

i was in line at target
just trying to buy some
ice cream and this
baby was screaming its soul out.
Anyways, the mom turned
around and looked
me straight in the eyes with the
most monotone voice and said
“birth control….
Use birth control…”
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5 | f u n n i e s

👍 this is good · read the comments · 936 points

yourcool
posted a quote
March 17, 2013 5:24pm UTC

someone called me fat today at school because
i was eating chips in math class so i looked at them, then to my bag of chips, then poured the rest of the bag inside my mouth and without breaking eye contact, pulled out another bag from my backback and kept eating.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1021 points

jimmy365
posted a quote
February 18, 2013 5:44pm UTC

omfG
SO TODAY IN
PHYSICS THIS GIRL’S
PHONE WENT OFF
AND HER RINGTONE
WAS SHINE
BRIGHT LIKE A
DIAMOND AND MY
TEACHER STOOD UP
AND SAID TURN
THAT THING OFF IF I
HEAR IT AGAIN
I WILL PERSONALLY
TRACK DOWN
RIHANNA AND EXPLAIN
TO HER THAT
DIAMONDS DO NOT
SHINE THEY REFLECT
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

👍 this is good · read the comments · 977 points

jimmy365
posted a quote
January 28, 2013 3:20pm UTC

do you ever
make a huge scene
and then march off to your bedroom but
eventually you get hungry and you
feel like you can’t leave your room because you
want to prove a point or something
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1001 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
February 15, 2013 8:41pm UTC

I passed a real gentleman in Boston a few weeks ago.
Dude (into cellphone): I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR F//CKING JAW. THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME? YOUR F//CKING JAW. I'M GONNA BREAK--hold on, give me a second. There's a lady walking by.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1059 points

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TTyler88