Youre sitting at your desk and you know its time to go. Youve said that to yourself over a million times but this time you know for sure is real. Youre tired… youre just so very tired. Youre parents p.issed you off like school wasnt bad enough today. You go to get the rope or the knife or the gun or whatever you choose to use because youre that desperate to leave. Youre ready. You think of it as some game… the first one dead is the one who wins. No ones home, its the perfect time. Youre ready. If you dont do it now, youre gonna look down on yourself even more forever. Youre going to hate yourself even more. No one knows, no one will know… until later on. Instead of getting a paper and a pen you get the video camera along with a chair. Youre standing on the chair. You decided to go with the rope… youre gone instantly and there will be no noise. One side of the rope is tied to the top of your fan while the other is already around your neck. Youre in tears, you know its for real this time. You can feel it. You turn on the video camera and just stare at the red light blinking upon your eyes. You start to mumble out a few words. “Mom and dad, Im sorry. I dont know why Im sorry but Im sorry. I cant do this anymore. I dont even know who I am anymore. Ive lost myself and I seem to not find my way back. Please dont blame yourself, please. I love you both, please tell my sister. Stay strong, and stay save. Ill see you all soon.” You say sorry to your best friend because you know you wont be there for him anymore especially when he needs you more than ever. You say sorry to everyone you could think of… even yourself. Youre sorry for not being strong anymore. Youre sorry for breaking down. Youre sorry for putting them through so much pain in their life. You stare, once again, at the red light blinking upon your eyes. One foot is off the chair now as you begin to mouth the word goodbye. You have the remote control to turn off the camera in your right hand. Your pointer finger on the off button already. You clicked that button and as soon as you see that light go off, you go off. Both feet are now off the chair… the chair is on the floor… the room is filled with silence. Youre dead. Youre gone. There is no going back. Everything is over. You dont have to live in pain anymore… but everyone else will. What are your parents going to think? What about your little brother, or little sister? What are they going to do? Youre gone. Youre dead. There is no going back. You ended your life because the person of your dreams only likes you asa friend. You ended your life because that one teacher was harder on you than anyone else in the class because she knew youre the only one that is going somewhere in life. Your parents are home now. They call your name telling you their home, just like they normally do whenever they get home…. but somethings different. You dont answer. They dont hear your voice. They get worried… you always answer. They come upstairs thinking your sleeping or showering. Your mom opens your bedroom door and screams at the top of her lungs. She instantly passes out. Now your little sister comes up after her. She screams “DADDY HELP!!!!” She runs over to you hitting your leg begging you to wake up. “WAKE UP, WAKE UP. PLEASE STOP WAKE UP”. But you dont answer, youre not waking up. Youre gone. Youre dead. There is no waking up. Theres no going back. Your dad comes running upstairs and all he could do is stare. He watches his baby girl swing back and forth on a rope. He sees the video camera and he sees the chair. But he doesnt move. Hes stiff as a board. He cries…. Your dad NEVER cries. He picks up the phone and calls 911. He can barely get the words “My daughter committed suicide” out of his mouth. Hes in tears. Your little sister stares at your dad. Your dad hangs up and your little sister jumps into your daddys arms, crying harder than ever. Shes too young to understand completely, but she knows youre gone. She knows youre dead. There is no going back. Everything is over. The cops finally arrive. They push your dad and sister out of your room and sit them in the living room. They take your body down off those ropes and lay you on the stretcher. They cover your body and out you go… just like that. Youre gone. Youre dead. Theres no going back. Nothing is the same. Two weeks have passed and your mom still stares out the window more than half of the day. Your little sister still hasnt returned to school. Your dad is forced to go to work so he can pay all the bills for your wake and funeral. Eventually, they found to strength to go into your room. Your door hasnt been open for months. The rope is still laying on the floor and the video camera is still sitting on the table. They dont even dare to watch the video, it will never be seen. They slowly pick up the rope and throw it in the garbage. Chills run up their spine, your mom basically in tears. They brush off your bed, making it neat… like they used to do every morning after you went to school. Your bed was made and your room was clean. They shut the door, and it remained shut. Your school is still in distress. You thought no one cared and you thought no one noticed you. The girl that said no to being your lab partner, yeah she cuts every single night now because she thinks its her fault you died. The boy that tripped you by accident and didnt say sorry, yeah hes in suicidal therapy 5 days a week in a hospital because he feels a smile could of saved your life and he didnt give that to you. The teacher that was hard on you that day, she quit her job because she felt she wasnt suited to teach anymore. Youre gone. Youre dead. Theres no going back. 4 years have passed. Your little sister is now 15 years old. She started a club in her school dedicated to you. “Secrets” is what he calls it. The club is formed for kids to speak their hearts, without anyone judging them. They can say anything they want to, and talk about anything they needed to. If they were suicidal, they always had someone. That was your problem. You didnt want to talk to anyone. You had everything bottled up inside of you. You acted as if you were the happiest kid on the planet and you had the perfect life. You played that character so well that even you started to believe it. You would be so “happy” and as soon as you layed in bed at night, the thoughts came back. A little fight between you and your parents could have set you off. But with everything inside of you bottled up for years, it hit your limits. Youre gone. Youre dead. Theres no going back. Your room will never be occupied. Your mom still cries every single night. Your dad isnt as strong as he used to be. Your little sister will never grow up with you by her side moving her in the right direction. Your best friend is still torn up. Your school now has a club dedicated to you so teens will not make the same mistake you did. Your life was precious and you took it away in the blink of an eye. All you needed was a smile, thats all you needed. But since youre gone, just know people cared. People always have cared. You were just way too upset to see that. You were just too caught up in the fact that you thought no one cared… when the truth was, more people cared about you that you ever thought they would. Your town will never be the same. A girl is gone, a special girl who thought no one cared. Everyone cared. I promise you. They care, they always have cared. We loved you, and no matter what, we will still always love you. Depression Hotline: 16304829696 Suicide Hotline: 18007848433
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