i'm gonna take a picture of my firstborn and use an age progression software to figure out what he'll look like when he's 18. then i'm going to frame the picture in our house so that he'll see it as he's growing up.when he eventually realizes that it's a picture of him, i'm going to try to convice him that he's a time traveler.
happiest* posted a quote
January 22, 2014 12:27pm UTC
What if you wake up one morning and you’re in bed with the love of your life and they have their arm around you and their snoring like a fcking a.ss hole, but you can’t help but to smile and you hear a baby crying and it finally hits you, you’ve made it. you beat the demons inside you, the voices, the darkness. I look forward to that, to knowing I made it.
(I am a manager and I am ringing up a woman that I have served before. We are making small talk as I ring her up. Note: I am a lesbian.) Customer: I can't believe the president came out in support of gay marriage! Me: I know! It's kind of unbelievable. Customer: That f*g lover is going to burn in hell for that! Me: *biting my tounge* Okay. (I finish ringing her up and hand her the bags.) Customer: They should round up all the gays and put them down! Me: Well that would be bad for me seeing as I am a lesbian. (The woman turns pale and walks out without saying a word. A few hours later I get a call from a manager of another one of our stores. On the line, I can hear the voice of the same customer that I served earlier today.) Manager: *also a woman* So there is this woman here who wants to exchange a bunch of stuff from your store. When I asked her what was wrong, she said you tainted them; I have no idea what she is talking about, could you maybe clear this up for me? Me: Well I bet it's because she found out I was gay. Manager: I see. *starts talking in a sultry voice* Well I'll see you for our date tonight. You should put on that black bra and panty set I got you for your birthday! I love you! *hangs up* (I am very confused, seeing as I have never dated that manager, nor did she ever give me underwear, and as far as I know, she is not gay. Fast forward a few days later to the manager weekly conference call: apparently, the customer left the other store after thinking the other manager was gay. That manager then called every other store in the area and told them about that customer. Over the next few days, the customer went to every store within a 20 mile radius, trying to return the "tainted" goods. Everyone she talked to pretended to be gay when working with her, and she left every time. To my knowledge, she never returned the goods.)
I passed a real gentleman in Boston a few weeks ago. Dude (into cellphone): I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR F//CKING JAW. THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME? YOUR F//CKING JAW. I'M GONNA BREAK--hold on, give me a second. There's a lady walking by.
kristabff posted a quote
April 21, 2013 2:14pm UTC
A white m&m comes into a room with candy friends. White m&m: ~engages conversation with a mentos and jellybean~ Jellybean: Hey so where are you from anyway, white m&m? White m&m: Oh I'm from that chocolate m&m bag over there! Jellybean: Wait... if you're from a CHOCOLATE m&m bag, then why are you white?? Mentos: OH MY GOD JELLYBEAN, YOU CAN'T JUST ASK CANDIES WHY THEY'RE WHITE
Just so you know, the upside down cross is not a satanic cross. It is St. Peter's cross. It is not disrespectful to Christianity. The reason the cross is upside down is because St. Peter was crucified upside down because he felt that he was unworthy of dying in the same manner of Jesus Christ. Thus St. Peter's cross demonstrates humility before Christ and is still used for that purpose by some Christians. It got popularized as a way as disrespecting the church, but in fact it's extra super duper respectful.
Where Are You? Chapter one (part one) Lena Timra! Come on we are going to be late for school!" I call up the stairs at my twin. “I’m coming” She calls from upstairs. Five minutes later she comes down the stairs in her favorite blue sweater and jeans with her long brown hair lose around her face and her big brown eyes looking at me. (okay so maybe we look exactly the same but she just has some sort of beauty about her that makes her so much prettier in my opinion) “You know you could’ve just left without me, I would’ve been fine to ride the bus to school” She giggled and opened the door. “Arent you going to eat?” I look her up and down noticing she has been losing a lot of weight recently. “Nah, I’ll eat a big lunch” She picked her backpack up and walked out the door. “Timra… You have to eat.” I sighed and unlocked my old tan ugly car. “I will, I told you I’m gonna eat a big lunch. I’m not starving myself I promise, I’m just not hungry, plus we’re running late” She sat in the car waiting for me to get in. “Fine but you are eating both a big lunch and a big dinner” I started the car and pulled out of our driveway. We didn’t talk for awhile. It was dead silent. I was lost in my thoughts ‘is Timra eating enough?’ is there something shes not telling me?’ I remembered the girl from my history class and pulled the car over. “What are you doing?” Timra yelled “What is going on?” I blurted out “What?” Timra looked at me with a confused look. “You have lost a lot of weight recently and you where nothing but long sleeves” I sighed “What are you implying?” Timra looked at me accusingly “What the h.ell is going on? You never eat? Are you starving yourself? And the long sleeves imply that you may be cutting your wrists! I am worried for you! You haven’t been the same lately and I’m getting worried!” I started to cry “I’m not starving myself, I just haven’t had much of an appetite lately, I promise I’ll eat more. And I’m not cutting my wrists.” Timra sighed. “Show me” “Huh?” “You heard me. Show me your wrists” She pulled her sleeves up to reveal clean wrists. “Why have you been wearing long sleeves lately?” “After Adam broke up with me I’ve been feeling insecure about myself so I’ve been hiding as much as possible. And I’m losing weight not because I’m starving myself but because I’ve started exercising so that I don’t feel insecure” “Promise?” “Promise, now lets get to school” I drove us the rest of the way to school feeling relived that my twin is going to be okay and that she is okay. Once we got to school I hugged her and walked over to my two best friends Cat and Layla. Cat had her dirty blonde hair with red streaks in a French Braid and she was wearing the most perfect makeup that made her eyes look bluer, she was wearing her skinny jeans and ripped shirt with her combat boots. While Layla had her long dirty blonde hair in curls around her face with a flowery dress that made her blueish-green eyes pop. “Would you please tell miss flower dress here to stop criticizing my outfit” Cat poked Layla on the shoulder “Ouch! That hurt! Your nickname fits you well! Cats are absolutely awful” Layla pouted “well hello to you too!” I laughed at my two ‘other sisters’ as I like to call them. “You guys are always fighting” I put my arms around them Both girls folded their arms across their chests and looked at me pointedly. I pulled my arms off of them. “Fine” I sigh “Layla leave cats outfit alone no matter how goth she looks and cat you know how sensitive Layla can be so lay off” Both girls rolled their eyes at me. “That wasn’t what we were hoping” Cat started “But it’s what we were expecting” Layla finished “There! Look teaming up against me! That’s something you guys can do together!” I laughed and they joined my laughter. “So I hear that Aaron Williams is going to ask you out” Layla squealed. “Who cares? He’s just a pretty boy with no brains” Cat rolled her eyes. She’s so gorgeous she gets asked out on a daily basis but she shoots every guy down she has no interest in dating. “Caterina Allison! You will not turn Aaron Williams down if he ever asks you out!” Layla looked shocked (as usual) “Plus I was talking to Lena, As if Aaron Williams will ever ask YOU out!” Layla smirked “Me? What would someone like him want to do with me?” I asked shocked “You are so pretty! And your so amazing! Why wouldn’t he want to date you?!” Layla used hand gestures to express her excitement “He hangs out with Elyssa. As much as I love Elyssa her friends aren’t the type of people who want to be around me” I said. “Plus Aaron is Jade’s crush. Everyone knows it.” “Who gives a d.amn about jade?” Cat rolled her eyes. “I heard my name. Why are you sl.utbags talking about me?” I saw the wicked Jade walk towards me with her perfect little friend Jannette. “I still cant believe you and her were best friends all throughout elementary and middle school” Cat eyed Jade up and down. It’s true Jade and I used to be best friends. She used to be nice but then freshman year she started hanging out with Jannette and ever since they have been trying to climb her way up the social ladder and trying to hang out with my sister Elyssa. “I cant either. I don’t know why I was hanging out with this trash” I rolled my eyes as she flipped her perfectly straight brown hair out over her shoulder. “Anyways I came over here to talk to you-“ Jade was cut off by Layla “Aaron is going to ask Lena out and theres nothing you can do about it” “Don’t you have somewhere to be the bell just rang and you wouldn’t want to ruin your perfect attendance record” Laylas eyes went wide as she ran down the hall to her first class yelling an apology behind her. “As I was saying, you are going to say no to Aaron or I will make your life a living h.ell” Jade smirked “You already try, it doesn’t work. What makes you think it’ll work when I say yes to aaron” I said boldly I saw Jades eyes widen and then they lit up like she just got an idea. “Then I’ll make Timra’s life a living h.ell” “You wouldn’t” "Watch me” Comment if you want to be notified for my upcoming chapters. Just to let everyone know the real life jade and jannette are really nice people.
Where are you? Prolouge Lena I am your average teenager. I have bland brown hair that isnt too long and boring brown eyes. I have my two best friends Cat and Layla. I have my bullies. And I have two sisters! My older sister Elyssa who is the prettiest most popular girl in the school. And my twin sister Timra who doesnt look anything like me and she is really like my best friend. My life isnt perfect but I'm happy. I get good grades in school and I please my parents. My name is Lena. One instant changes my entire life. One second my life is great the next... well lets just say my life turns into a living h.ell Timra I'm Timra. I'm different. I'm dead inside. I have a loving family. But I'm antisocial so I have no friends. I am picked on for not being the same as everyone else, I had a wonderful boyfriend but that ended when the prettiest, most popular girl in my school caught his eye, this girl is my big sister Elyssa. She didn't do it on purpose but she did and now I can't help but to feel empty. I am holding on and faking a smile for my twin Lena, she is my best friend, shes my only friend, and I plan to protect her in any way I can, in any way I have to, even if that means lying to her and pretending to be okay. This is just the (extremely short) prolouge. Its not fantastic but I was kind of in a rush so please dont judge my entire story based on this prolouge. If you want to be notified for future chapters just comment on this quote or on profile
Mom: What are you writing? Me: My....essay due tommorow. Mom: But, it's summer. Me:..... For summer school. Mom: You passed all your classes. Me:......Online school...? Mom: Let me see. Me: *Panics* Here mom. Me:*Drops laptop on the floor* Me: I'm sorry. I'll just pick it up for you. Me: *Jumps on laptop* Me: *Breaks laptop* Mom:...... Me: Dang it. You can't see it now. Series?
When I was about 9, I went to this summer camp. That year, the camp decided to ban sugar. So, a girl who was about 13 or 14 got a bunch of candy and sugar based products and charged a dollar for it on the side of the playground (where the counselors couldn't see us) and she'd have a bunch of friends act as guards so no one could steal the candy and she was basically a drug dealer without the actual drugs. Long story short, the girl who sold the sugar is now an actual drug dealer