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jadeestone

Just_A_Little_Too_Addicted
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 3:11pm UTC

When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it's "music" and "art"
But when I do it, I'm "drunk" and "have to leave Home Depot"

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 58 points

WeAreTheBoys
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 3:18pm UTC

I don't know why people always think the Mona Lisa is Leonardo Da Vinci's best work.
　
I mean, he was amazing in The Titanic.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 65 points

Just_A_Little_Too_Addicted
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 3:00pm UTC

My 5 year old cousin: Erin! Erin!
- Starts crying - I lost my V- Card!!
Me: WHAT!? YOU LOST YOUR
V-CARD?! BUT. BUT. BUT YOU'RE
ONLY FIVE. YOU CAN'T BE DOING
THIS! YOU HAVE TO BLOW BUBBLES
NOT BOYS. OMFG. MY BABY COUSIN
LOST HER VIRGINITY. WHERE DID I
GO WRONG?! OMFG.
My mom: Oh, sweetie, here's your
v-card. The one you lost? I found it!
Me:
Mom: Erin, what are you yelling about?
She just lost her alphabet card.
Cousin:
Dog:
Cat:
5 year olds who really have lost their virginity:
Me:
Mom:
Cousin:
Me:
Mom:
Cousin:
Me:
Mom:
Me: Ooh.. her.. her alphabet card.. Ooh..
I.. I thought she meant.. Oh thank the lord
it was just her alphabet card.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 65 points

Breezie1345
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 8:30pm UTC

831 means "I love you" eight letters three words one meaning♥

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BlackButterflies
posted a quote
September 16, 2013 12:43am UTC

last night i had a dream that there was a Witty convention in Canada and every single person on Witty was there?? and i had to go on stage to give a speech to everyone (????) but i fell off the stage and was caught by Steve, who was actually Morgan Freeman. then it started to snow and everyone got really excited and started snorting the snowflakes like they were cocaine

👍 this is good · read the comments · 273 points

happiest*
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 2:21pm UTC

You tell your parents you don’t want to go to school. They ask “why?” But you don’t tell them why, you make up a lie like “there’s nothing on” or “not feeling to good” Because they wouldn’t understand.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 68 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 9:21pm UTC

Person: I think your crush likes you.
Me: Ha.
Me: haha.
Me: hahaha.
Me: That's mentally impossible.

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* Sabaism *
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 4:55pm UTC

Story Time With Lyrie #4
I once did drugs
And like
I legitly believed I was a pink unicorn turned human
So I started running everywhere
Yelling
'Oh great unicorn gods of unicorness,
Please take me back to your kingdom
For I wish to embrace my inner unicorn.'

👍 this is good · read the comments · 93 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 3:41pm UTC

Me in 1st-4th grade: How are people getting boyfriends already? That's weird.
Me in 5th grade: I'm probably going to get a boyfriend in middle school.
Me in 6th grade: I'm definitely getting a boyfriend this year.
Me in 7th grade: Boyfriends are overrated, I don't need one.
Me in 8th grade: Oh well, high school will be better.
Me in 9th grade: Really? Am I that unappealing?
Me now: Well, f.uck.

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Butterbear
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 5:18pm UTC

Dear family,
I'm not sure if you've noticed, but my earbuds
are currently in my ears. I.cant.hear.you.
Sincerely, Erica

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happiest*
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 2:23pm UTC

having a crush is like having that little piece of rock stuck in your shoe and you stop walking and shake it out and you’re pretty sure it’s gone but then a half hour later you feel it under your toe and you’re like oh no

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CookieMonster09*
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 3:59pm UTC

i hate how you're just born out of nowhere and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job, what if wanted to be a duck or a bird, its not fair

👍 this is good · read the comments · 142 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 3:47pm UTC

"you wear that shirt a lot."
yeah that's because i own it.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 218 points

Yourbeautiful*
posted a quote
September 15, 2013 5:29pm UTC

- Are you an angel?
- No, why?
- Well my mum told me that those who have marked wrists are angels.
- I'm not an angel though.
- Of course you are. Mum said that only angels harm theirselves
because they don't like life on earth. This world is destroying
them so they try to return back home in heaven. They are too
sensitive to the pain of others and their own.
- You know, your mum is very wise.
- Thank you, she is also an angel but she has already returned home.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 357 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
August 8, 2013 8:14pm UTC

In a perfect world
Person: Are you okay?
Me: I'm fine.
Person: I know you aren't.
Person: *gives me Green Day tickets*

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CharliesTheName
posted a quote
August 11, 2013 6:59pm UTC

Me: Hm. I'm hungry.
Me: *eats a bowl of chips*
Me: *eats another bowl of chips*
Me: *eats another bag of chips*
Me: *eats 4 more bags of chips*
Me: *eats 75 more bags of chips*
Me: Darn, I'm out of chips.
Me: *downloads PeaPod app*
Me: Orders chips from stop and shop*
Stop and Shop Guy: *comes to my house in truck*
Stop and Shop Guy: Here are the chips you ordered.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 116 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
August 13, 2013 8:15pm UTC

What the heck is up with toes?
They don't do anything.
They're just....there.

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CharliesTheName
posted a quote
August 14, 2013 6:31pm UTC

My mom just came back from her trip to Canada.
Do you know what she brought back for me?
A 40 mL bottle of maple syrup

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CharliesTheName
posted a quote
August 15, 2013 6:12pm UTC

911: Hello, 911, what's your emergency?
Me: I was washing the dishes and touches wet food.
Me: I would like my hand amputated.

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CharliesTheName
posted a quote
August 15, 2013 10:17pm UTC

Me: *makes perfect vine*
Me: Yes. FINALLY.
iPhone: F*ck you.
iPhone: *dies*

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 41 points

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