erinj1115's Favorites

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
April 27, 2013 9:54am UTC

If countries were students
Australia: The class clown who makes everyone laugh
The United States: The jock who loves themselves and everyone secretly hates
Canada: The nice person who offers to show you around on your first day
England: The hot boy everybody wants to bang because he's a gentleman
New Zealand: Australia's little brother who is the only one who thinks Australia sucks
France: The romantic playboy who hangs around England too much
China: The overly smart kid who puts his hand up for every question
Russia: The scary large kid that nobody talks to because they'll probably get stabbed

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posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
April 5, 2013 3:19pm UTC

North Korea, eat a Snickers. You get a little
nuclear terroristic when you're hungry.

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BrunetteBiitch
posted a quote
April 6, 2013 4:19pm UTC

So I was looking through comments on this popular instagram page today
and I saw this:
"Hello, I am currently 9 years old and I want to become a potato. I know there are a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I'm different. On December 14, I'm moving to Lays; home of the greatest potatoes around. I've already cut off both my arms, and now roll on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a potato yet, but I promise if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest potato ever. I have a dandy dandy human companion to guide me through this harsh journey and type this up for me. Thank you."
Please, whoever and where ever you are, come and join witty.

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kristabff
posted a quote
April 6, 2013 4:34pm UTC

Me walking into Target.
Me: Okay now i'm only going to get one thing-
Target Bulls-eye: LOOK INTO MY EYE
Me: YES. YES I DO NEED CURTAINS.

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CaitlinAtTheDisco*
posted a quote
April 4, 2013 7:32pm UTC

Today,
I got my first instagram hate.
You wanna know what I woke up to?
'kill yourself'
And you know what I did?
I laughed and ate a pretzel

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 29, 2013 10:00pm UTC

i want a guy that is cute and funny but
not so cute that he knows it but also shy and awkward that's tall and skinny but not too skinny but not too buff and can breathe fire and fly and do backflips underwater and has free wifi. like is that so hard to find

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 26, 2013 9:42pm UTC

when i turn 69, i'll probably
laugh for the entire year.

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jimmy365
posted a quote
March 30, 2013 8:31pm UTC

Guest: where's your daughter?
Dad: oh, she's in her room. she won't come out unless you bring food or band members.
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

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dolph*
posted a quote
March 16, 2013 4:54pm UTC

What if people had food names and food has people names?
Mum: SPAGHETTI DINNER'S READY
Me: oh cool what's for dinner?
Mum: Margaret
Sister: eugh why we had Margaret last night why can't we have Steven
Me: SHUT UP CHOCOLATE

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greyskies
posted a quote
March 16, 2013 6:21am UTC

Ellen DeGeneres: Literally after they mate, the Black Widow immediately eats her ex.
Ellen DeGeneres: At least Taylor Swift just writes a song about you.

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happiest*
posted a quote
March 21, 2013 11:22am UTC

Spongebob: Aw, cheer up, Squid! It could be worse!
Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.

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happiest*
posted a quote
March 21, 2013 11:28am UTC

Spongebob: Quick, Patrick, without thinking: if you could have anything right now, what would it be?
Patrick: Um… more time for thinking.

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BravoSierra
posted a quote
March 21, 2013 12:48pm UTC

parents when i'm in trouble: it's my house, i make the rules.
parents when there's cleaning to be done: it's your house, too.

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CaitlinAtTheDisco*
posted a quote
March 21, 2013 11:06pm UTC

Me: I'm Caitlin, and you're watching Disney channel!
Me: *attempts to draw Mickey Mouse Ear*
Me: *messes up*
Me: *breaks glowing stick in blind rage by slamming against knee*

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 3, 2013 4:32pm UTC

girl pockets: can fit a piece of lint. if you're lucky, two pieces of lint.
guy's pockets: can fit car keys, a notepad, a calculator, the neighbors dog, an apartment complex, the entire state of hawaii, and half of jupiter.

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ImmaBeWitty
posted a quote
March 19, 2013 5:08pm UTC

;
A semi-colon represents where a sentence could have ended, but it didn't.
It didn't end because you, the writer, chose for it to keep going.
Just like with life.

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happiest*
posted a quote
March 16, 2013 6:10pm UTC

"Why is this potatoe smiling?"
"Grandma, thats a picture of me."

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 17, 2013 5:39pm UTC

calories (noun);
tiny creatures that life in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 19, 2013 9:23pm UTC

when i was in eighth grade,
some girl was sitting on the stairs outside at recess, talking to her friends. and she goes "someone please hit me in the face." and when i walked up to her and hit her in the face she gave me a dirty look as if she didn't just ask.

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