i like being alive. well i don't like like it but i'm doing it at least. it comes in waves. my feelings and thoughts they change like anyone elses. for a while i held myself up to an impossible standard. i didn't let myself cry. that changed when i couldn't go one day without crying. protip; if ur sad, just cry. you sleep a little better too. when my world was ending i thought i was so rational. i remember thinking to myself; everyday of your life is going to be this bad so what's the point. it's scary how level headed i thought i was. because it did make sense at the time. then every new day was as bad as the last. and even when i had an alright day -- it was just that, it was never good. it was just alright. the alright days were rare and i didn't see the point of living through the worst days just to feel alright. i'm better now. i'll probably have another slump soon, that's just how i am. but at least i know now. i can't trick myself into thinking i know how my life will be. if it's gonna be a long depressing life then i'll just have to wait and see how depressing that ish can get. i can't know for sure. just gotta do it. a soul was breathed into me, it's still breathing. this heart is still beating. i can't give up even one second before it does (otherwise that would be super depressing).
if it is you, then yes. i become a yes woman. yes i'm free to hang out. yes that movie sounds great. yes i would kill for an ice cream right now. yes that grey tie goes better than that blue one. yes you're being over dramatic. yes i can come over for family night. yes it's not a problem. yes, yes and did i mention...yes? Yes but you're gonna have to make this up to me. Yes but get me a coffee on the way. Yes i know you love me. Yes i'm the best, we've been over this. Yes, i know when to say no. but with you, there's only reasons to say yes.
this time comes again every day without fail. you walk me to my bus stop, we say our goodbyes, we part ways. i can't help but drag my feet as we make our way to sit down. I don't want to go. i want to continue where we left off. talking about whatever. under warm covers with a movie playing in the background. but now we're out here, sitting on a cold bench. my hands are in the pocket of your coat. your head rests on my shoulder. it's cold and the world is still. You go off on a ramble about the weather, while my mind just goes back to an hour ago. An hour ago you were joking about us spending the night together. We didn't have to do anything, we could just keep talking. You and i just can't ever shut up. it's amazing. of course if it led onto anything else then that'd be just as amazing. but now we're out here. the bus is approaching. you're still talking about how this year's spring doesn't feel like spring. your head still rests on my shoulder, my hands remain in your coat. the conversation changes its course but time won't stop for us. i squint as the bus gets closer. the blinding headlights are near but we stay just as we are. i feel a smile spread on my face. we talked about this earlier. 'What would happen if we missed the last bus?' soon enough the headlights fade and you lift your head and my eyes meet yours. this look on your face. it's my new favourite thing. mischievous. fun. you start saying dreamy things. we'll walk down a flowery path. wherever we go flowers will bloom. suddenly spring feels like spring. of course i'm smitten by you. i eat it all up. if it's you i will follow wherever you lead. with you, even a cold spring afternoon can feel like a cool summer night.
tonight i'm only filled with you. hopelessly in love with you. I hang on every word you say. when you look at me too long, my smile gives me away. my cheeks feel hot, hands clammy. when you smile at me like that, i want to give you my everything. let's stay like this for a while. i'm going to keep letting you hold my hand.
tornedsoul* posted a quote
October 18, 2019 12:22pm EDT
Spending time with you made me realize how big my heart truly is. Kind of like a hot air balloon floating towards a blue open sky and I’m in awe of how beautiful everything feels when I’m in your arms. You smile at me, and I look at you with a sigh of relief that maybe you’re the answer to my every prayer, the rainbow after every storm and the healing after every tear. Just a day spent laughing together with you makes me believe that miracles do come true especially when they’re shared with the person I’d love to spend the rest of my sunsets with and that’s always going to be you, sweetheart. You are a miracle to behold, and you are a miracle to every star I’ve ever told that I love you so much with every inch and with every beat of my carelessly mortal heart. I am alive with the purpose of making you feel every pulse that I have is for you because you are real.
"Every single relationship will get "boring" after you've been together for ages. Love isn't just a feeling, it's a conscious commitment; to love every day, physically and emotionally. It's real hard, it's not always laughs and smiles and fun. People tend to quit when it stops being cute. "Oh the spark is gone." No, that's not how it works. You want somebody to never give up on you and love you unconditionally? Do the same. This isn't Hollywood, this isn't romantic happy ever after bs. Love someone when you don't want to. When they're being hard to love. That's the realist stuff there is."
SANDD* posted a quote
September 25, 2019 3:21pm EDT
I honestly think one of my biggest flaw in a relationship is that, I need a lot of reassurance, because my anxiety & past experiences have convinced me that you don’t actually want me or you’ll just end up leaving like everyone else.
SANDD* posted a quote
September 25, 2019 3:18pm EDT
It’s hard to leave toxic situations because for so long that has been your comfort zone. But once you cleanse your space, you’ll realize you were drinking poison and calling it medicine. Spit it out. You were standing in hell and calling it peace, holding red flags and waving them like a truce. You went up in flames and swore it wasn’t too hot. And now you’re scared of being to cold. Break the ice, love. There’s a whole world waiting on the other side, where nothing ever burns.
hey Taylor, im so sorry its hours later and im still eaking up shaking. i had the worst day. i wanted nothing more than to tsok to you. but when you added me i looked at your pictures and got jealous. im sorrybim still not mature enough to talk to someone like an adult. frenchi im so sorry, you deserved so much beeter. you were the sweetest nicest girl ever i cant believe i just left you. i wanted to tslk to you so bad its just i freak out i guess. i dont know i just really dont want you and kate to hate me. IM JUST SO SORRY I FEEL THIS WAY EVERY DAY ITS KILLING ME