Christina* · 1 decade ago
Wow I love this! You did a fantastic job on description. I could nearly see the couple and Cherie in the freezing wind. I love the plot, it sound really interesting and i think its really important that you go on writing even if no one reads. Because Walt Disney got fired from his job because he lacked "imagination and creativity" . So you keep going and i love it :)
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
Thank you soo much! I love this comment. Thank you for reading.
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Christina* · 1 decade ago
hahaha you bet!
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bella is a penguin * · 1 decade ago
Notify me pwease
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
Sure I will :)
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JoshConnollyTheCoolKid · 1 decade ago
Love this story. c:
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
Thanks so much! :D
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ChyGain17 · 1 decade ago
i like it :) notify me?
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
yes sure :)
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doublesidedice · 1 decade ago
This is good and I like the plot. It's a bit choppy but really good so far :)
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
Thanks so much! i love you
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SomeRandomDude · 1 decade ago
this is really good :) i like the plot :) but maybe instead of ending off sentences so early. like this. try using comas to make it flow a bit better :) other than that keep up the awesome work :)
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
yeah :) it's the lack of time and patience I have when writing. I think of an idea and want to rush until I get to it, if that makes sense. and thankyou! :)
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Rajsonkar · 1 decade ago
cool .........
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spence* · 1 decade ago
It's amazing tell me when the next one is up :)
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
thanks and will do
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spence* · 1 decade ago
no problem :) yaay :DD
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
:) :) :))
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sophsunflower12 · 1 decade ago
Unfortunately, you happened to ask me (this intensely relentless girl who happens to also enjoy writing quite a bit) to read this. This is just some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Think of it as tough love:
Firstly, there were a LOT of fragments in this. Now, personally, I use fragments all the time. They're great. In this, though, I noticed that there were multiple fragments in a row, which can put off a reader at times. "Infront" tends to be written as "In front." When you write dialogue, indents and new lines must be added, in addition to it being written correctly. [Ex: "Hi," she said.] The comma MUST be inside the quotation marks, and it links the speaker to his/her words. Comma placement was needed in parts. Sentences shouldn't end in prepositions. Since this was written in first person, the phrase "I thought" isn't needed. Numbers below ten are generally written out. MY NAME'S SOPHIE :) ...but I don't have a boyfriend :( Proper nouns (like names) are capitalized. Based on the way you spelled "favorite," I have a strong hunch that you don't dwell in America, so I'm just basing my mechanical knowledge off that of the US.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. In reality, I truly did find the story interesting so far. It was a nice way to start, and you should definitely keep going with this :) If you want/find yourself too bored to describe in words, then you should totally check out where I write: http://www.wattpad.com/user/sophieanna
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
Thank you for the advice :) It helped, I'm also reading your stories!
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sophsunflower12 · 1 decade ago
You're welcome, I'm glad, and okay :)
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Jersey_Girl · 1 decade ago
i like this!! (:
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
Thanks soo much :) Means alot
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Jersey_Girl · 1 decade ago
could you notify me please? (:
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
of course :)
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Jersey_Girl · 1 decade ago
thanks beautiful!
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
anytime
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AddictedToLife · 1 decade ago
Seems cool :3 would you remind me when the next chapter's 'out' please?
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TheJealousOne · 1 decade ago
Yeah, sure :) Thanks for reading please share? Will mean alot.
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