Hello. Welcome To "School"
What you will need:
• About 50,000 pen and pencils, because they'll probably get stolen or lost the first month.
• About 20 notebooks, for doodling when the teacher bores you and for all those people that never remember paper.
•A $150 calculator that you will probably only use once
• A giant backpack to hold the 50 pounds of books we give you.
Steps to getting through day of said school:
1. Wake up at 6 a.m.
2. Allow about 10 minutes of getting ready before you run out the door to catch the bus.
*note: when on said bus, watch for flying pens, pencils, paper, erasers, and other unidentified flying objects*
3. Get into school.
*note: while walking to locker, watch out for running people, and flying objects*
4. Get to class
*note: watch for random groups of people standing in the middle of the hallway. They create traffic. DO NOT BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE. You will be hated and possibly pushed out of the way*
5. Get through all classes.
6. Get back on bus.
*note: see note for step two *
7. Do all 500 pages of homework that are due the next day.
*note: this could take well into the night. You may want to break out the coffee or energy drink*
8. Repeat for about nine months until summer comes.
Additional Notes:
• 8 hours of school just isn't enough. We find it necessary to give you another 3 hours of homework. Apparently, we think you have no social lives.
•We give you books that weigh about 50 pounds. You have to carry them everywhere, even though we almost never use them.
•You will have to basically teach yourselves everything, because your teachers think it "makes you a better student". They do almost nothing the whole class period except bore you.
• Beware of the people in gym class. soe believe they are in the Olympics and may run you over if you get in their way.
•Learn how to get out of the way fast. You will need this skill when walking through the hallway.
•We don't teach you good skills, like what to do if your car breaks down or how to balance a checkbook. But we do find it necessary to teach you the Pythagorean Theorem, which you will most likely never use in your life.
Thank you,
and welcome to school.
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