Witty Profiles

Ash_leigh*

1. Ash_leigh*
   posted a quote
   January 5, 2014 3:17pm UTC
   Depresso:
   The feeling you get when you've run out of coffee
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
2. Ash_leigh*
   posted a quote
   January 5, 2014 11:47am UTC
   Reasons to be a mermaid:
   - no pants
   - no periods
   - perfect hair
   - you can lure men to their death
   - free clam bra
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
3. Ash_leigh*
   posted a quote
   January 4, 2014 4:34pm UTC
   How to kiss a boy:
   1. Grab his waist
   2. Slip your hand in his pocket
   3. Steal his wallet
   4. Don't even kiss him
   5. Just run
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 26 points
4. Ash_leigh*
   posted a quote
   January 3, 2014 5:56pm UTC
   Ok so do we all just agree that
   Taylor Swift could make a screamo album in spanish and she'd sti ll be categorized as a country artist
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 12 points
5. Ash_leigh*
   posted a quote
   January 3, 2014 5:54pm UTC
   Fun prank:
   buy a real handgun and paint the nozzle tip bright orange
   so it looks like a plastic toy gun. pick a fight with a thug.
   pull out the gun. he will laugh. shoot him. he will die.
   (side note: you will be arrested for this)
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
6. Ash_leigh*
   posted a quote
   January 3, 2014 5:27pm UTC
   When someone walks slower than me: omfg your slow butt is clogging up the hallway come on put some step in your pep grandma
   When someone walks faster than me: jesus christ are you on the run from the police this isn't a race you can tone i t down usain bolt
   When someone walks at the same pace as me: who gave you creeper permission to walk with me get the heck away before I call the cops
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points
7. Ash_leigh*
   posted a quote
   January 2, 2014 5:46pm UTC
   Snowman: Hey
   Snowman: Do you want to know a secret
   Snowman: ...
   Snowman: It's raining my f l e s h
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
8. Ash_leigh*
   posted a quote
   January 1, 2014 4:11pm UTC
   When does hibernation start
   Because I am 100% participating in that
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
9. Ash_leigh*
   posted a quote
   July 8, 2013 3:30pm UTC
   Me: Siri tell me a joke
   Siri: *turns on front camera*
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 70 points
10. Ash_leigh*
    posted a quote
    July 6, 2013 2:58pm UTC
    Job appilcations are stupid.
    Application: Why do you want to work for us?
    Me: Well I've always had a passion for frozen yogurt...
    Me: IM BROKE
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 36 points
11. Ash_leigh*
    posted a quote
    May 5, 2013 11:01am UTC
    There are only 2 ingredients in trail mix...
    M&M's and disappointment
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 12 points
12. Ash_leigh*
    posted a quote
    April 7, 2013 1:36pm UTC
    Doctor: The more colorful your diet is, the healthier you will be.
    Me: *eats bag of jellybeans*
    Me: Nailed it
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 314 points
13. Ash_leigh*
    posted a quote
    March 27, 2013 8:16pm UTC
    today i picked up a fake spider decoration that fell on the ground
    IT WAS NOT A FAKE SPIDER DECORATION I REPEAT NOT A FAKE SPIDER
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 65 points
14. Ash_leigh*
    posted a quote
    March 24, 2013 11:54am UTC
    Sometimes I like to stand in front of the toaster
    and try not to flinch when the toast comes out.
    So far, my attempts have been unsuccessful.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 111 points
15. Ash_leigh*
    posted a quote
    March 24, 2013 11:48am UTC
    if you watch
    Jaws backwards, it's about a shark that throws up so many people they have to open a beach.
    f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points
16. Ash_leigh*
    posted a quote
    March 23, 2013 10:50am UTC
    Drake: Jumping out of helicopters is dangerous. You know, they say 1 in 5 people don't even make it to the ground.
    Josh: What do you mean they don't make it to the ground? Where do they go?
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 109 points
17. Ash_leigh*
    posted a quote
    March 16, 2013 1:05pm UTC
    do you ever have those moments when there's a hair on your tongue and you try to take it off without looking and you're all like, "WHY CAN'T I FIND YOU??"
    because I do and it's getting out of hand.
    f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 20 points
18. Ash_leigh*
    posted a quote
    March 16, 2013 1:01pm UTC
    The year is 2070. iPhone 850 is released.
    the screen touches you
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 39 points
19. Ash_leigh*
    posted a quote
    March 15, 2013 9:19pm UTC
    Ronald McDonald: That's right, no horsemeat in our burgers
    Ronald McDonald: Barely any meat of any kind, actually
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 15 points
20. Ash_leigh*
    posted a quote
    March 13, 2013 4:47pm UTC
    Ketchup: So you are trying to act mature in front of guests during dinner?
    Ketchup: Let me play the song of my people
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 16 points

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