theawkwardauthor's Favorites

capsized*
posted a quote
November 29, 2013 12:47am UTC

i’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it badly enough that it’s not funny anymore

👍 this is good · read the comments · 77 points

yourcool
posted a quote
November 20, 2013 6:28am UTC

do you ever just stare into space
and just really miss harry potter

👍 this is good · read the comments · 115 points

spence*
posted a quote
November 20, 2013 12:53pm UTC

“you only started liking it cause everyone else did”
well yeah
everyone was talking about it
I got curious
I watched it and
I liked it
how is that a bad thing

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 91 points

happiest*
posted a quote
November 20, 2013 1:33pm UTC

How to tell how much of a Marvel fan the people in the movie theater are:
Stage 1: Those who leave as soon as the movie ends
Stage 2: Those who know to stay until the credits for the extra scene
Stage 3: Those who stay until the end of the credits for the second extra scene

👍 this is good · read the comments · 101 points

happiest*
posted a quote
November 20, 2013 1:35pm UTC

every christmas my mum suggests that we all sit and play monopoly, and every year it ends with her crying in the corner, dad refusing to talk to anyone, my older brother screaming, my little brother running away and me sat at the table laughing maniacally as i buy 2 more hotels

👍 this is good · read the comments · 186 points

happiest*
posted a quote
November 20, 2013 1:38pm UTC

Do you ever look up from reading a book and get disoriented because you’re actually in your bedroom or class or somewhere that isn’t the story?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 321 points

CookieMonster09*
posted a quote
September 14, 2013 4:01pm UTC

''the internet taught me more than school did''
shut up school taught you how to read, write and how to f/kin use the internet so don't give me that cråp

👍 this is good · read the comments · 122 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
September 14, 2013 4:47pm UTC

Me: *opens witty*
Witty: Please sign in.
Me: *signs in*
Witty: You're already signed in, silly!
Me: Then why
Me: the fück
Me: did you tell me
Me: to sign
Me: in.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 427 points

capsized*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:18pm UTC

Old McDonald had a farm
EIEI
[HEAVY METAL SCREAM]
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

👍 this is good · read the comments · 81 points

elephants_are_cool*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 3:30pm UTC

reading over your old quotes and wondering, "what the hell was i thinking"

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 77 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:18pm UTC

Milk was probably just
invented when someone tried to have oral s*x with a cow

👍 this is good · read the comments · 105 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:29pm UTC

The guy who created
knock-knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize

👍 this is good · read the comments · 141 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:31pm UTC

What the buffalo say
to his son when he left for college?
Bison.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 93 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:35pm UTC

Where don't hipsters fish?
The mainstream

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 89 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:15pm UTC

*During a spelling test*
Me: Does spelling count

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 165 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:37pm UTC

Me: Motherfu*ker
Dad: *walk in* You called?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 159 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 4:13pm UTC

Internet Explorer: At least we still have each other
White Crayon: Yeah

👍 this is good · read the comments · 174 points

happiest*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 2:38pm UTC

the one benefit of being ugly is you’ll never “lose your beauty” when you get older cuz you never had it to begin with

👍 this is good · read the comments · 183 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 3:15pm UTC

You know what I absolutely fcking hate?
When people choose a person over you and then, when they have no one else, they come running back to you. No, fck you. Fck you for not being there for me when I needed you. Fck you for never making an effort to see me because you had someone else.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 233 points

happiest*
posted a quote
September 13, 2013 2:36pm UTC

Whenever someone asks you if you’re ticklish that means you’re getting tickled in five seconds doesn’t even matter what your answer is

👍 this is good · read the comments · 215 points

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theawkwardauthor