epicness's Favorites

Ayelelwayesay
posted a quote
March 2, 2015 9:20am UTC

No, we didn't date. Technically he wasn't an ex-boyfriend. But he was an ex-something, an ex-maybe. An ex-almost.

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Steve
posted a quote
January 16, 2014 1:44pm UTC

Today is my 10 Year Anniversary on Witty Profiles.

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BlackButterflies
posted a quote
January 2, 2014 12:04am UTC

oh my swEET LORD i was at the grocery store today (incidentially i was buying four large bars of chocolate but that's irrelevant shut up) and the girl next to me was trying to buy stuff at the self checkout thingy but it kept rejecting the notes she put in and she tried SO MANY TIMES and in the end she had to pay in entirely dollar coins and when the machine said "thank you for shopping with us!" in its cheerful little voice she just muttered "you're welcome, you abysmal piece of s.h.it" and left the shop

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Leslie and Alli *
posted a quote
January 2, 2014 3:44pm UTC

❝ If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough. ❞
- Albert Einstein

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happiest*
posted a quote
November 22, 2013 3:11pm UTC

apparently this kid at our school saw a kitten before getting on the bus so he just. picked it up. and stuffed it in his hood and he had it in the hood the entire day and it just took naps and he fed it his milk during lunch and every time the cat meowed one of the other kids would like cough or sneeze or shuffle so the teacher couldnt hear it and he even let it walk around on the tables in one class and the teacher never saw it it was so precious life is amazing

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CaitlinAtTheDisco*
posted a quote
December 18, 2013 6:45pm UTC

Crush: *kisses girl*
People around me: aww how cute
Me: yeah *grabs knife*
Me: how adorable *stabs myself in the face*

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*blushes*
posted a quote
December 14, 2013 3:37pm UTC

I can remember song lyrics from
2006 but not whatever math
formula we were learning
yesterday

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capsized*
posted a quote
December 17, 2013 10:02am UTC

i get very personally offended when people don’t find my celebrity crush to be attractive

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yourcool
posted a quote
December 18, 2013 2:57am UTC

my friend who snorts cocaine won't eat
cookie dough because "it's bad for you."

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
December 17, 2013 8:51pm UTC

me: how do you throw a space party?
dad: i don't know. how?
me: you PLANET!
dad: you're so stupid.

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Sophie*
posted a quote
December 16, 2013 9:43am UTC

(◡‿◡✿)
(◡‿◡✿)
(◡‿◡✿)
(⊙︿⊙✿) WAIT I HAD HOMEWORK

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josie*
posted a quote
December 19, 2013 3:09pm UTC

When i was 8 years old i feared heights.
I was scared that i would fall.
When i was 8 years old i worried about monsters.
I was scared they were underneath my bed.
When i was 8 years old i hated blood.
I was scared i needed to go to hospital.
When i was 8 years old i depsised my parents.
I was scared they would take away my toys.
When i was 8 years old i fell off a bridge.
By accident.
When i was 14 years old i feared life.
I was scared that i would fall.
When i was 14 years old i worried about monsters.
I was scared they were in my head.
When i was 14 years old i hated hospitals.
I was scared they would send me away.
When i was 14 years old i despised my parents.
I was scared of what they put me through.
when i was 14 years old i fell off a bridge.
On purpose.
-TR

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Infinity on high*
posted a quote
December 18, 2013 5:08am UTC

It hurt because it m a t t e r e d .
~John Green

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ArmagedonNinjaX
posted a quote
December 16, 2013 3:58pm UTC

My dad found out I had an imaginary girlfriend.
He said, "You know you could do better."
"Thanks dad, that means a lot.", I replied
"I was talking to your girlfriend."

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BlackButterflies
posted a quote
December 16, 2013 2:01am UTC

"write something your parents would be proud of", witty tells me, as i proceed to type out a quote about dylan sprouse's genitals.

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BravoSierra
posted a quote
December 18, 2013 3:37pm UTC

me: no, grandma. put both chopsticks in the same hand. like this.
grandma: whoops i made a scarf

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Hari*
posted a quote
December 16, 2013 9:39pm UTC

You will never look
like the girl in the magazine.
The girl in the magazine
doesn't even look like the
girl in the magazine.

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happiest*
posted a quote
December 14, 2013 3:26pm UTC

a 16 year old kid literally killed 4 people while driving drunk and he got off because he’s rich please try and tell me the united states justice system isn’t f-cked

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capsized*
posted a quote
December 15, 2013 4:41pm UTC

My friend and her bf just broke up and she called me crying and I was all like “You’re going to fall in love so many times before you find the one you’ll be with forever. So think of it this way; you’re one heartbreak closer to happily ever after.” and I think she thought I was being deep and insightful, but really I was quoting wizards of waverly place

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Ethanol
posted a quote
December 14, 2013 3:02am UTC

Modern art-
Me: I could do that
Artist: Yeah but you didn't

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