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eleph4nt

bye*
posted a quote
February 20, 2013 4:02pm UTC

so my sister just randomly out of nowhere texts me, "hey do u want some pizza rolls i accidently made 80"
80.
80.
80.

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happiest*
posted a quote
April 12, 2013 1:28pm UTC

My brother walked into my room.
He asked what the worst day of my life was.
I said 'i dont know.' and he said
'mine was today.'
i asked him why and he was silent.
i said 'did you and your girlfriend break up?'
he looked up with tears in his eyes and nodded.
he said 'she broke up with me for logan, my bestfriend.'
and i hugged him while he cried on my shoulder.
my heart broke.
he's only 9.

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
May 7, 2013 2:27pm UTC

Today in class this guy was being really rude and disruptive, so my teacher
told him to act ladylike. Instead of doing his usual disruptice stuff, every 30 seconds he would yell out stuff like,
"My boobs hurt!"
"I need a man!"
"If you can't handle me at my worst you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!"
"I can't drive!"
"Why does nobody love me?"

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jimmy365
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 1:18pm UTC

non-english speaker: I am awfully sorry
at the terrible state of my
English abilities, as for the
English language is not my mother
tongue. I hope you forgive me
for every foolish mistake I make.
english as first language: lol it okei
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 637 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
February 27, 2013 6:03pm UTC

Argument I heard on the bus:
Guy 1: No, man, gay bros can raise babies. Look at warthog motherf//cker and that ferret thing that raised Simba. And Simba became king of motherf//cking Africa.

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jimmy365
posted a quote
March 20, 2013 3:09pm UTC

justin timberlake
is making a comeback and justin bieber is finally at his breaking point.
coincidence? no. there can only be one justin.
neither can live while the other survives.
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

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jimmy365
posted a quote
March 23, 2013 6:09pm UTC

what a wonderful winter we're having this spring
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 4, 2013 4:02pm UTC

i could never cheat in a relationship.
that would require TWO guys finding me attractive. i can barley find one.

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Soccerfata
posted a quote
February 19, 2013 6:47pm UTC

So I get home and there's this random guy on my couch and he's like "Alright, I don't want to hurt you. Just put your stuff down and get on the ground. I just want your money." And I almost had a heart attack. I was like, "OMG, please no I don't have any money. I'm too young to die." Then he was like, "Nah man, I'm just messin with you. I'm your brothers friend. He's in the shower, I'm just waiting for him."
That guy is a genius....

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ShortGirlsDoItBetter
posted a quote
March 6, 2013 6:27pm UTC

Too ugly to date attractive people,
Too attractive to date ugly people.

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 3, 2013 4:32pm UTC

girl pockets: can fit a piece of lint. if you're lucky, two pieces of lint.
guy's pockets: can fit car keys, a notepad, a calculator, the neighbors dog, an apartment complex, the entire state of hawaii, and half of jupiter.

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 12, 2013 3:46pm UTC

puberty either makes you a
hot god or a potatoe.

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XxMeliRidesRainbowPoniesxX
posted a quote
February 2, 2013 12:56pm UTC

Is it just me, or did we used to have normal-scented shampoos before? Everything was just strawberry, cinnamon, and citrus. Nice, normal things.
Now I pick up a bottle of shampoo and it's all like:
"DEW GATHERED BY MONKS FROM THE HIMALAYA MOUNTAINS MIXED WITH A ROOT OF AN ASNCLSCHBK PLANT THAT GROWS ONLY IN AN OBSCURE VILLIAGE IN AMAZONIA, WITH A DASH OF MAGICAL BERRIES FROM NARNIA TO GIVE YOU HAIR SOME VOLUME."
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT STILL SMELLS LIKE CITRUS TO ME.

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 10, 2013 4:45am UTC

am i the only one who tries to
learn lyrics to rap songs so i can surprise people during car rides.

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BlackButterflies
posted a quote
January 29, 2013 8:25pm UTC

oh my god guys i'm in a cafe on my own and this massive group of popular guys i know just walked in
i could say hi but im sitting at a table with a laptop and a plate of food the size of asia
i'm actually making a quote just so i look like i'm doing something, not just sitting here a loser. because i am sitting here like a loser
one of them's walking over in my direction help abort mission abort mission
...
...
he said hey and i was too socially awkward to admit i'm here alone so i said my friends are in the bathroom
which they're not.
because they don't exist.
because they're not real.
i can't just walk out now that'd be too obvious
please tell me they're getting coffee to go or something
JESUS THEY GOT A TABLE RIGHT NEXT TO MINE
WHY IS MY LIFE THE WAY MY LIFE IS
i need to leave right now before they realise i lied about the friends
but i have a coffee
and it's caramel flavoured
and also i have a pie and some chocolate cake
don't judge me, i eat like twelve grown men
why do bad things happen to good people?
maybe i could take the coffee and leave?
...no it's not takeaway so I'd get arrested for stealing the cup
help help help help help
i wish i could make TARDIS noises and disappear but no
i'm not a time machine
i wish i was a time machine.
abort abort abort

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 26, 2013 4:18pm UTC

does anyone ever see things in their dreams
and then later in life see the exact same thing and freak out for a couple of seconds?

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 1:33pm UTC

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW NED IS SURVIVING HIGH SCHOOL?
I HAVEN'T HEARD A WORD FROM HIM SINCE THE END OF EIGHTH GRADE AND I'M STARTING TO WORRY

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yourcool
posted a quote
March 3, 2013 4:56pm UTC

next time you're washing your hands next to
somebody, cup your hands under the tap water until the water overflows, then look at them dramatically and say "this water is getting out of hand." it's a guaranteed way to make friends. i have never tried it, but it's guaranteed.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 920 points

jimmy365
posted a quote
January 27, 2013 12:13pm UTC

i was in line at target
just trying to buy some
ice cream and this
baby was screaming its soul out.
Anyways, the mom turned
around and looked
me straight in the eyes with the
most monotone voice and said
“birth control….
Use birth control…”
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5 | f u n n i e s

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jimmy365
posted a quote
March 4, 2013 8:38pm UTC

my friend
knows a guy called
Glen Coco and everyone’s
always saying
“You go, Glen Coco”
to him but he’s
never seen Mean Girls so
he just thinks people are
really supportive
format jimmy365

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