*crybaby* posted a quote
March 6, 2014 12:59am UTC
if i ever own a clothes shop i would have different sections like 'in the name of 2007 punk' 'for people who like sleeping' 'that shirt you saw online' 'clothes your dad will frown upon'
Leonardo DiCaprio: *names child Oscar* Doctor: "Would you like to hold h-" Leonardo DiCaprio: "Say it like we rehearsed it." Doctor: *sighs* "And the Oscar goes to..."
The media loves to talk crap about celebreties but my favorite thing is that they can't find anything to say about Ed Sheeran so he just gets worst dressed every time.
I will never understand the logic of screaming as loud as possible at a concert like wow you finally get to see them live in concert let’s make sure no one hears them at all
me: can i go to the bathroom teacher: no, too many of you have gone already. me: wow you're right, this class shares such a dEEP SPIRITUAL CONNECTION THAT OUR BLADDERS ARE SOMEHOW CONNECTED me: WHEN ONE OF US PEES, THEY PEE FOR THE GREATER GOOD OF THE PEOPLE me: we do not pee alone. we pee as one.
soccertrack posted a quote
February 14, 2013 3:03pm UTC
TO DO LIST Walk up to a random person in the airport. Tell them to not get on the plane. Run away. Go to major tourist attraction. Dress up as Waldo. Get in the background of as many stranger's pictures as possible. Go to the beach. Bury metal objects that say "Get a life" on them. Date a guy who works at Subway. Perfect evil laugh as he makes ME a sandwich. Destroy the gnome that keeps tangling my iPod headphones. Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "sorry for the damage." Watch their priceless reaction. Grab a random kid by the shoulders and scream, "I'M YOU -- FROM THE FUTURE!!!" Befriend someone with OCD. Invite them over on cleaning day. Go to ex-boyfriend's wedding wearing a long white dress. Write "This way to the Ministry of Magic" on the lid of a public toilet. Walk to fridge. Return to seat disappointed. Repeat.
ChocoTaco posted a quote
February 8, 2013 2:46pm UTC
The Ten Commandments of Witty 1. Thou shalt not put any website creators before Steve. 2. Thou shalt 'follow' Steve under all conditions. 3. Thou shalt set aside work to go on Witty Profiles at least once a week. 4. Honor other Wittians' opinions. 5. Thou shalt not have curses or rude sayings in their quotes. 6. Thou shalt not pretend to be the opposite gender. 7. Thou shalt not steal other quotes. 8. Thou shalt not falsely accuse a Wittian of something they did not do. 9. Thou shalt not ask for faves or followers. 10. Thou shalt not hate on Witty Profiles or anyone in it.