It has been years since we spoke but I still think of you everyday. Now it's too late to put into words how I felt and how scared I was to let myself be with you. Both of us felt this huge pull towards each other but I kept running away, thinking we'd have time. I didn't want our friendship to change and I wasn't ready for the next step. And now that you're gone, all I'm left with is the guilt of not taking a chance for once in my life. This guilt is also twisted with feelings of betrayal when I think about the last time I saw you. I was vulnerable and you took advantage of that. I still feel the way your hands slid across my body and how you pressed yourself on top of me and I couldn't do anything to stop you. 4 years later I am still struggling with this yet I would give anything to see you again
seafoam* posted a quote
August 26, 2017 7:27pm UTC
Yo nunca seré de piedra, Lloraré cuando haga falta, Gritaré cuando haga falta, Reiré cuando haga falta, Cantaré cuando haga falta. I will never be of stone. I will cry when it is necessary, scream when it is necessary, laugh when it is necessary, and sing when it is necessary.
i have recently discouvered that i am pretty much unable to control my emotions. if i have a small argument, i dont just get annoyed i get extremely angry that i cant help but scream at that person and punch walls and shake and cry and i cant control the anger. and if my sad, im really sad and i cant do anything productive and have fits of unstoppable crying. if im guilty im really guilty and cant stop sayimg sorry and begging the person to forgive me. if i like soneone, i love them so much and cant admit they have ever done anything wrong to me and are obsessive. if i hate someome im consumed with hate. and if the only good thing about all this, is that if i feel extremely happy, i feel like i could take on the world. and all of these extreme emotions never last longer than a day, sonetimes they last a couple hours before im okay. anyone else like this or is it just me?
today I ran into my ex-best friend's grandma. she kept going on and on about how we need to work things out and be friends again. she said that my ex bestie wanted to, and talked about how we used to be closer than sisters. to top it off, my sister kept telling me I need to try and make up with her. so, I got my sister to message her and kind of extend the olive branch. in return, I get rejected and then it's suddenly my fault (she was just as bad as me. I wasn't the only one that was mean. it takes two.) and her mom apparently doesn't want me anywhere near her. like, everyone wants to criticize me for being mean and all that, but look what happens when I try to make myself vulnerable. like, it's not worth the hurt. I was fine like two weeks ago and now I'm a mess.
We live in a world in which we are used to think too much; used to fear too much. And the world itself made you believe you were not smart enough, unique enough, talented enough... good enough. I am here to tell you, you are wrong. You are remarkably undoubtedly mistaken. Think back... What happened with that urge to do something that matters? What happeded to all those promises to yourself? What happened to that dream? You want to be better? Then be better. Be that person you want to be. Take life and make it your own. Take that dream and MAKE IT HAPPEN.