Fortunately, I was born without theneed-to-belong gene, the gene
that says you have to be in a little group to feel secure. –S.E. Hinton
Bailey* posted a quote
August 15, 2018 12:02pm EDT
Swear that I can still feel you here, I just can’t believe you’re not here. I’ve been needing you, All I dream is you... Don’t think I can make it, I don’t think I can make it, But then I hear you say that I “better not do nothing crazy Cause your mom really needs you, And I would never leave you, Cause I am in the stars, And everywhere you are. And every single little moment, Every single bit of sunshine, just Know that I am right by your side” Know that you are right by my side, So I’m gonna make you so proud, You don’t ever have to worry bout me.
“ Sometimes I imagine my own autopsy. Disappointment in myself: right kidney. Disappointment of others in me: left kidney. Personal failures: kishkes. When the clocks are turned back and the dark falls before I’m ready, this, for reasons I can’t explain, I feel in my wrists. And when I wake up and my fingers are stiff, almost certainly I was dreaming of my childhood. Yesterday I saw a man kicking a dog and I felt it behind my eyes. I don’t know what to call this, a place before tears. The pain of forgetting: spine. The pain of remembering: spine. All the times I have suddenly realized that my parents are dead, even now, it still surprises me, to exist in the world while that which made me has ceased to exist: my knees. To everything a season, to every time I’ve woken only to make the mistake of believing for a moment that someone was sleeping beside me: a hemorrhoid. Loneliness: there is no organ that can take it all. ”
Seize upon that moment long ago One breath away and there you will be So young and carefree Again you will see That place in time...so gold Steal away into that way back when You thought that all would last forever But like the weather Nothing can ever...and be in time Stay gold
When I realize that she is gone, perhaps gone forever, a great void opens up and I feel that I am falling, falling, falling into deep, black space. And this is worse than tears, deeper than regret or pain or sorrow, it is the abyss into which Satan was plunged. There is no climbing back, no ray of light, no sound of human voice or human touch of hand.
What I want is to open up. I want to know what's inside me. I want everybody to open up. I'm like an imbecile with a can opener in his hand, wondering where to begin– to open up the earth. I know that underneath the mess everything is marvelous. I'm sure of it.
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