Hi guys.
i thought that before i started really posting stuff, i should tell you guys about me, and what my life is like, so that maybe some of my posts make a little sense. i know for a fact the majority of you could care less, and most of you won't read this whole thing. to those of you that stick with me, thank you.
To start things off, hi :) my name is Meghan, i'm 14 years old, and i live in New Hampshire.
Okay, cool. you know my name, now here's my story....
It all started one sunny day in a little town in Vermont. the date was August 23, and it is the day i was born. i will spare you the details of my childhood, because up to age 7, everything was pretty normal, pretty happy. then, in the very end of september, when I had just started 2nd grade, my parents told me we were moving. i fell apart, i didn't want to leave my friends. i spent a majority of that week crying and taking pictures and making memories, this led to my love of photography later on... anyway, we moved, far away to where i'm at today, New Hampshire. with my quirky, outgoing personality, i quickly made friends. i was considered to be the most popular girl in school up to the 6th grade, and i loved it! then, after the summer, i went into 7th grade. i walked in, said hi to everyone, only to find that my "friends" now hated me. i soon became bullied by everyone. physically abused, emotionally abused. i spiraled quickly into depression. i began cutting, and burning myself. i hid my body from the world, i was so ashamed.
-----You still listening?-----
so now i was classified by my peers as an "emo freak" an "attention-seeker" and other cruel names. by 8th grade, everything got worse. then, the incident occured. i was in my room one night, my parents were out, i was alone. i was sitting in the dark crying and cutting, when it hit me, i could end everything right then. all the pain, the abuse, everything, it would all be over. it was all i could think about from that second on. i ran down the stairs to the basement, and found some rope. i tied it to my ceiling fan and made a noose. i then sat down at my computer and typed a very short suicide note. i could not have been more proud of what i was about to do, i finally felt like i had control over something in my life. i set the note on my bed, then i wrapped the noose around my neck and stood on my chair. then, i jumped. i don't remember what came next, but i recall waking up on the floor of my bedroom to the sound of my mum crying and my dad shouting angrily.
-----You still here?-----
later that night, my parents asked why i attempted what i did. i told them everything, i couldn't take it anymore. everything just came out, everything i had wished i could have told them earlier, but that i kept inside. we sat and cried for a long time. i went to school the next day, i didn't speak once. i hid my face. i was embarassed, even though nobody knew what i had tried the night before. i felt like a fail because it didn't work, it actually made everything worse. but now, i could talk to my parents. they took me to a counselor, and i got proper help. the first few times i went, i was terrified of being judged, then i realized he was only trying to help.
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Now, here i am. i still technically have depression, but i am doing better. my past is behind me.
This is for all who suffer from depression, who self harm, who are suicidal, who are victims of bullying, or who have an eating disorder or anyone that isn't comfortable in their own skin.
IT GETS BETTER.
Everything seems really bad, right? Everyone seems to hate you, right? You probably hate yourself, right?
IT GETS BETTER.
If you are depressed, suicidal, or self harm. Go tell someone. Someone you trust and someone you can vent to and let out all of your feelings. You cannot keep everything inside, I did, and look where I ended up. I could've died. I'm lucky that I didn't. You have an entire life ahead of you, full of love, and laughter.
IT GETS BETTER.
You have to believe there will be a change, in order to make a change. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. Comment on my page, or I will put my kik down below. Talk to me, I want to help. I care.
STAY STRONG. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
I love you guys... Thanks for reading this <3
-Meghan xoxox
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