He took a deep breath in and I felt bad, he didn't need to tell me this.
“Jesse-” I started.
“Well, I kind of owe you an explanation and I'm going to be a good boyfriend.”
“Okay.”
“Well, last year, today, I got into a huge fight with my parents. My parents had lectured me because my marks in school were dropping and I was acting up, a month or so before that I started hanging around with a bad group of people. They took drugs, they smoked and they always got into fights. I started doing the same. Back to the fight, I had got really made and started throwing things around the house. I-I a-almost hit my mum.” You could hear the shame in his voice and I knew he was sorry. “My mum! Andi, that is the most horrible thing. The woman, she raised me and to think that I even came close to doing something like that is horrible. They started screaming at me and that weekend, my older brother who would have been 22 today was visiting from college. He decided to spend it with us, I wish he didn't.
“I remember the last things I said to them, though, I said 'I hate you! I wouldn't even f/cken care if you died! You're ruining my life!' and I stormed out. That was the last time I saw them alive. The site of them in the living room was heartbreaking, there was things everything. My mum had tears streaming down on her face, my dad was red with anger, same as my brother. It was early in the night when I ran off, I ran off to the group of people I had been hanging around with and we smoked and drunk and you know the most disgusting thing?
“I didn't think of my family, not once! I wasn't planning on going home that night, or the next or the one after that for a fact but I got a phone call around 8 o'clock. It was an unknown number and when I answered, it was the police. They told me some neighbours had reported screaming, at first I thought nothing of it and then he said, that when the police arrived, three people in the house were dead. Dead. I didn't believe him, though, I rushed straight home to see police and ambulance everywhere. My dad had got cameras put all around the house, and the cameras showed that two people broke into the house and when they noticed people inside, they murdered them. It was all my fault. I watched the video and it was the most horrible thing ever. Seeing your family murdered and knowing you could've stopped it. I could've fought them or something and it frustrates me to know that I didn't. It is my fault they're dead. So, I got really upset and two days after I found out they were dead, I tried to-to kill myself. I tried to hang myself, I didn't succeed. About a month after, I started cutting. It was a way to deal with the pain and it felt amazing. They tried to make me talk to somebody but I refused. I tried again to commit suicide a few weeks after I started cutting, this time, I overdosed. Unfortunately, it didn't kill me, I tried the same way once more after and tried hanging myself once again. People thought I was mentally unstable.” I didn't know what to say, I was sobbing by then and then he said, “Do you want to know why I didn't try to commit suicide today? Honestly, I was planning to.”
“Why?” I murmured.
“Because of you.”