Witty Profiles

taylorswiftlover53

1. 0rebecki
   posted a quote
   February 19, 2012 8:35pm UTC
   '\
   In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
   On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
   (Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
   On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
   (the shoplifter special)?
   On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
   (and that would be how???....)
   On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
   (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
   On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
   (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
   On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
   (...and you thought????...)
   On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
   (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
   On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
   (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
   On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
   (and...I'm taking this because???....)
   On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
   (as opposed to...what)?
   On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
   (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)
   On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
   (talk about a news flash)
   On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
   (Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)
   On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
   (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
   On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
   (Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
   LOL!<3
   nmq
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 10 points
2. blair
   posted a quote
   February 17, 2012 10:26pm UTC
   SON OF A
   B....iiiiscut...
   "Oh, hey mom."
   NOT MY QUOTE
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points
3. itsallie0x
   posted a quote
   January 29, 2012 3:46pm UTC
   I don't like you. Go french kiss a power outlet
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points
4. TaelorIsAwesome
   posted a quote
   January 1, 2012 10:32pm UTC
   <
   "Shutup, Kevin, or i'll get the squirrel with rabies to bite you again!"
   Who knows where this is fromm?;)
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 8 points
5. wishxyouxwherexhere
   posted a quote
   December 28, 2011 12:54pm UTC
   ♥ ♥ ♥
   I really like you...
   i don't want to ruin it by hooking up with you before you get to know the real me...
   ♥ ♥ ♥
   format ThatsSoMeee ♥♥
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
6. quotesandsuch
   posted a quote
   December 24, 2011 5:24pm UTC
   I got kicked out of math class today..
   Why?!
   Apparently the answer to "What comes after 69?" is not mouthwash..
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points
7. 
   posted a quote
   January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC
   This quote does not exist.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
8. 
   posted a quote
   January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC
   This quote does not exist.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points
9. pInKlOvEr4eVa
   posted a quote
   December 14, 2011 9:31pm UTC
   Those baby dinosaur
   noises you make when you
   wake up in the morning
   and stretch
   Follow me I follow back <33
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
10. Yankeelover2
    posted a quote
    December 11, 2011 6:36pm UTC
    You know its somthing important
    when your texting
    your friend while
    there sitting right
    next to you ♥
    Format by Sandrasaurus
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
11. xcayliebabyx
    posted a quote
    December 11, 2011 6:38pm UTC
    Trying to go back to sleep, for you can have that amazing dream you just had.. but you cant.
    HATE.THAT.MOMENT.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
12. Istonic
    posted a quote
    December 10, 2011 10:58pm UTC
    it doesn't matter how old you are.
    You hear the ice cream truck;
    you run.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points
13. Cassy_smiley9800
    posted a quote
    November 30, 2011 7:03pm UTC
    Some people need a hug
    ...around their neck
    ...with a rope. ;D
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 8 points
14. countrylove77
    posted a quote
    November 28, 2011 8:14pm UTC
    The man that deserves you most is the one that doesn't think he does. </3
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
15. AlmostFamous03
    posted a quote
    November 28, 2011 6:07pm UTC
    That tiny heart attack you get when you think theres a bug on you...
    But it's really just an itch <3
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points
16. countrygirl123
    posted a quote
    November 28, 2011 3:55pm UTC
    *My knight in shining armor turned out to be a ~LOSER~ in tinfoil...
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
17. emilynicole1313
    posted a quote
    November 26, 2011 2:13pm UTC
    Format by XxprettixX
    ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
    That one creepy kid
    That will. not. stop. texting. you.
    ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
    Format by XxPrettixX Removal of this credit is punishable by death.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 50 points
18. tishfayeobrienmwahh
    posted a quote
    September 24, 2011 7:47pm UTC
    how did you get that scar?
    well i was all like COME AT ME BRO..AND HE DID.
    ♥
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 5970 points
19. peanut43998
    posted a quote
    June 19, 2011 12:45pm UTC
    WHEN I SAY I WON'T TELL ANYONE,
    MY BEST FRIEND DOESN'T COUNT.
    ♥
    N NMF.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 5903 points
20. seemskindafitchy
    posted a quote
    May 24, 2011 6:51pm UTC
    REASONS WHY PERIODS SUCK.
    1. after sitting down for a while, you stand up and suddenly it feels like freaking niagra falls.
    2. you want to hit everyone...in the face...with a shovel.
    3. you cry so much for random stupid reasons.
    4. you crave random crap, that you don't own.
    5. when someone corrects you, you feel like shoving a wii remote down there throats.
    6. when you lose at something, you scream "SCREW THIS" and walk away really angry.
    7. you fall asleep...when you're not even that TIRED.
    8. you feel like you want to just stab yourself 600 times in 'that' area.
    9. you want to just shove a freaking towel up 'that' area.
    10. NO white pants that week.
    11. remember that cute pair of undies you got? runied. for. life.
    12. everybody is annoying, not matter WHAT they do, or say.
    13. when you DON'T get to go to the bathroom, because your teacher says "no" you want to scream in their face, and say "I'M ON MY FREAKING PERIOD OKAY?".
    14. boys are 10x more annoying.
    15. those stupid- pad/tampon commercials that have all those girls who are 'HAPPY' when they get their periods, make you annoyed.
    16. chocolate and ice cream are your best friends.
    17. the cramps you get feel like your being punched in the stomach 8 times.
    18. when you think you're finally 'done' you take off the weapons of tampons/pads.....5 minutes later you check. not done, not done at all.
    19. you don't care about anything BUT food.
    20. you wish you weren't a girl.
    21. when you wake up in the morning, and go to the bathroom, and your toilet looks like a freaking bowl of Hawaiian Punch.
    nmf.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 6431 points

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