i'm not going to pretend i don't miss him, because i do. more than i've ever missed anybody in my entire life. i don't even know what to do with myself anymore. its been 62 days, that's 8 weeks and 6 days since he left me, since he decided he didn't love me anymore...and in 22 days, it would be a year since our first kiss. a year since we'd gotten together, a year that i've been completely and utterly in love with him. and in that year, he became my everything, he became the only thing that mattered in my life, the thing that got me out of bed in the morning, the one person that helped me through everything...everytime things got hard, he was there. listening to everything i had to say, reassuring me everything would be okay in the end, he promised me that he was always going to be there no matter what happened. he promised me he'd always love me, and would never let me go...seems he has a habit of breaking his promises doesn't it. i miss his arms around me, i miss our eskimo kisses, i miss our lazy days, sitting on the sofa with a huge blanket, loads of food, just watching movies all day. i miss the way he'd look into my eyes, and tell me how much he loved them, and how much he loved me. i miss how he used to kiss my nose and tell me he loved it, because i hated it. i miss his confused face, i miss the funny way he said baby, i miss his voice, i miss his laugh, i miss his smile. i miss the little things. sitting down for tea with his family every weekend, babysitting his baby brother. helping his mum get ready when she was off for a night out with the girls. i even miss his nan, even though she's abit strange, and she could never get my name right:-) but i miss every day i spent with him, i miss our quick morning meetings before school, a long hug, a quick kiss, 'i love you baby, i'll see you after school', our after school meetings, sharing bars of chocolate, then back to his for tea. i miss walking down to the video shop with him to rent out a film, we could never settle on one, so he always let me choose:-) i could go on and on and on, saying everything i miss about him, everything i miss about us, but i'd be going to forever, because its never ending, the reasons i adore this boy so much, the way he could make me laugh like nobody else..
and now, now that he's gone? what am i left with, nothing. a life of crying myself to sleep every night, forcing myself to get out of bed every morning, struggling to make it through the school day without breaking down? what kind of life is that? walking past him every morning and every night, acting like we were never a huge part of each others lives, like we never meant anything to each other..it actually kills me, its the worst feeling i've ever felt, it's worse than having your head repeatedly smashed against a wall, its worse than anything i could ever have imagined, and i've been hurt a lot..i would rather be hit continuously than go on without him any longer, i miss him so so much, i'm missing the biggest part of my life, the part that made everything better, and i'm lost without him, i love him..
i doubt he will ever read this, but i remember he looked on witty once or twice before so who knows, but if you do read this, please remember us, i love you lew x