Harry Potter is a lot funnier when you change the word 'wand' to 'willy'.
'Your willy, Lucius. I require your willy.'
'I...'
Malfoy glanced sideways at his wife. She was staring straight ahead, quite as pale as he was, her long, blonde hair hanging down her back, but beneath the table her slim fingers closed briefly on his wrist. At her touch. Malfoy put his hand into his robes, withdrew a willy and passed it along to Voldemort, who held it up in front of his red eyes, examining it closely.
'What is it?'
'Elm, my Lord,' whispered Malfoy.
'And the core?'
'Dragon- dragon heartstring.'
'Good,' said Voldemort. He drew out his own willy and compared the lengths.
Lucius Malfoy made an involuntary movement; for a fraction of a second, it seemed he expected to receive Voldemort's willy in exchange of his own. The gesture was not missed by Voldemort, whos eyes widened maliciously.
'Give you my willy, Lucius? MY willy?'