ways to feel more feminine ~ wear a pretty outfit ~ tie a ribbon in your hair ~ spend time with children and animals ~ bake something for someone ~ buy flowers for your room ~ listen to vintage music or movie soundtracks ~ spritz some lavender or rose oil on your sheets ~ wear dainty jewelry ~ take a bubble bath ~ paint with water colors ~ give a little extra care for someone today
i'm fortunate to be comfortable enough with myself that i don't fear being alone. communication is important to me. it becomes important when you run into the language barrier with your parents on a daily basis. when expressing yourself is the most difficult thing to do. miscommunication galore. only clear communication done through an older sibling who has a better grasp of the other language. they're the middleman gatekeeper to having a deep conversation with my own parents. my trail of thought patched together with english. having to use elaborate confused sentences to describe how i'm doing. it's a whole headache. clear communication is very important to me. i don't want to keep being misunderstood. the idea of having no one to express my deepest thoughts and feelings to scares me more than being alone ever would.
i feel you get to me sometimes. i block you out but you keep tapping on my window. you say you love me but it's always been conditional. if i let you in again, the cycle just repeats. keep tapping away. that's all you know anyway...and i can't blame you for that. but at the same time, i can't be empathetic this time. this isn't a small favour. i lost interest in being 'the good daughter' a while ago. if i was never your 1st place then what's the point of racking brownie points and bending over backwards to make you happy? you had my respect when i thought you knew best and only wanted the best for me. i still love you. a part of my heart is designated to you...i've tried removing it but it won't budge. the thing is that i love myself more. i have to love myself enough for the both of us. because you have other priorities. meanwhile i'm my only priority. i don't get the luxury of having a plan B. this isn't a small favour. you can't make me out to be the odd one. this is important to me. this is my life. when will you understand?