Lexxie23 posted a quote
September 12, 2022 10:37am UTC
I created this account when I was 13. I used it until I was 15. It was an outlet for me that I really needed through middle school to beginning highschool. After a sleepless night of thinking about my past, I remembered this website. Surprisingly enough, I still knew my login. I wanted to post something for younger me...here's an update to young Lexie: You are now 25. You have had many first kisses. Music has always been and still is your favorite thing. One Direction broke up years ago. You have several tatoos now. You've seen My Chemical Romance in concert. You made it to New York City.
It helps to remember that you have felt similar feelings before. Each time you made it out alive- regardless of how unprepared or stupid you may have felt. You don't get to enjoy every single moment of your life. There is dread, anxiety and regret. That is life. As much as it is good, it is bad. Just overcome. Like you've always done.
i feel so sorry yet so misunderstood. i wish you loved me in the ways you never could. my aching stomach. this nervous tension. i hope you're not still sobbing in the kitchen. my aching stomach. this nervous tension. it'll die down and ramp up again. it'll grow awkward and we'll speak again. i'm sorry and so sad. i pray you will still love me any way that you can.
what if i stopped caring? but my silence seems to offend you. i'm at the starting lines while you've already reached your flow state. we're not the same. you keep making me feel bad for tripping up. i apologise and joke around with you. you're always the same. hot then cold, but always brutal. i can't accept all of you. i can't seem to keep you happy. you're not impressed. well okay, that one stung. add it to the list of mistakes i've done. it's hard cause i know you're right. but you expect me to hit the ground running and i'm scared. i hate disappointing people. i tried to take it lightly but you still tried calling me out. i can't be all go with the flow. i've made more errors than i can count, but haven't we all? honestly. haven't we all? keep keeping scores and keep telling me your not impressed. all i regret was trying to flatter you. never again. you can stroke your own ego.
Getting back into theater has been such a great outlet for me. Currently digging into my latest role as Hermia in A Midsummer Night's Dream. I really want to put the effort into my research so that I can bring her to life.
today i'll let you win. i'm far too exhausted. thoughts of you and me have tired me out. tomorrow i'll pick a fight. i'll remind you of who i am. tomorrow for sure i'll make it even. i'll be extra immature, i won't use any reason. since i'm so embarassingly smitten, i must poke the bear. i'll remind you of who i am. i'm the one who rules your heart.
i must have said sorry a hundred times. i'm sorry for burdening you this much. you won't have to put up with it much longer. we joke around a lot and you forgave me each time. i don't think i can forgive myself. i don't think i can make it up to you. just no more mistakes. and no more second chances. it really begs the question: who did i think i was? no. really, who?
I believe you are who you are... sometimes your sweet and giggly full of life and bubble. Other's your serious as can be. One minute there might storm's in your eyes and loneliness and fear, oh how small of a child you must feel your friends and loved ones are there to be your guiding light. Other days maybe your cat bounding and singing to your hearts content. You, we, all humans are silly giggly, serious and stern, loving, helpful scared and timid. Never ever change because society says you don't follow the norm. You are you in all your beautiful shining soulful adultness. Be happy, be blessed, love yourself in all your flaws and greatness. Keep your soul happy thru laughter and love and beautiful memories.
Are you happy? that you are unsure and unaware of everything that's always been around Are you sad? that you missed chances that you could have easily gotten Are you confused? wondering why or where or how you are stuck Are you angry? hurting your own storybook with wrong paths Are you done? is a stupid question to ask because you aren't