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Dudu*
posted a quote
January 1, 2024 4:47am UTC

i used to be the friend that takes on average 72 hours to respond to a text. but now you've turned me into a different type of beast. i'm anxiously attached to my phone until the release hits and i get a text from you. the anxiety seeps out and transforms into a bubbly light feeling in my head. i don't like that my mood still dips down with the affect or inflection of others. i'm not happy that i will have to feel this little discomfort till the day i die. i'm not happy that he's so different from what i know is good for me. i hate that most days i get through by a combination of visual, auditory and physical distractions. i hate how numbed out and callous i can be when i'm hurt. i hate that sometimes writing things down is the only way i can recognise how i am doing. this whole time i was trying to keep him afloat but it killed a piece of me. my toxic positivity leaves me starved of attention and so infuriatingly meek. i've fallen for a friend that i see no future with. till this day seeing my mother laugh with my sister makes me happy and stings me just as bad. when i can't get a word in it brings me back to the worst feeling of all. so many disconnected feelings exist within me and i wish i could have it all sorted out once and for all.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 24, 2023 9:04am UTC

And I knew
you'd come back to me
You'd come back to me
And you'd come back to me
And you'd come back.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 24, 2023 3:42am UTC

it takes
hard work
pain and
discipline.
it's not meant to be easy.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 22, 2023 11:54am UTC

maybe you're my first true love or first ever heart break.
i don't know how you'd feel about any of that
i never know who you're texting back.
i just know you can always come back to me.
tonight i don't know if you're out drinking with friends.
you said it'd be the last time, but i'm not sure.
i just know you can always come back to me.
all i know for certain is that you can trust me.
maybe you're the biggest mistake or the greatest gift of my life.
i'm not sure how to feel about any of this.
i just like speaking to you and having you around.
i hope this feeling doesn't expire for you before reaching me.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 22, 2023 11:41am UTC

when we don't speak as often or when you don't respond the way i want you to,
i feel it slipping from me.
when i can't meet your needs and comfort you in the ways i know i should,
i feel you slipping away from me.
when i hear you joke around with her, i feel it then too.
do you feel that way when i joke around with him?
i know we're so similar.
but i don't know if your heart is like mine.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 22, 2023 9:42am UTC

maybe i was just lonely?

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 16, 2023 12:29pm UTC

truth be told,
i liked having your attention.
truth be told,
i liked how you would always be
the one to start conversation.
BUT I'LL BE GOOD NOW,
I'LL TRY TO MEET YOU HALF WAY.
i won't play games anymore.
if when i miss you, i'll reach out.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 11, 2023 1:54pm UTC

i don't know how i feel about you

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 10, 2023 8:33am UTC

At the end of the day i'm the one
you text when you're in hospital.
I'm the one you stay back hours for. I'm the one you text during the day, at night, midnight and when the sun rises. I make you laugh and match your meme energy.
I'm the first one who showed interest in your journey to GOD. THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE EMBARASSING. i'M THE ONE WHO TRIED TO SUPPORT YOU WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.
AT THE END OF THE DAY IT'S BEEN ME.
SO HERE I AM.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 10, 2023 8:19am UTC

it feels like i'm just standing still and
watering a flowing stream.
i don't see the point cause there is no point.
yet here i am.
it's like i'm setting myself up
for the biggest fall of my life.
i know myself,
it's THE ONE THING I WOULD NEVER COMPROMISE.
he's too cute.
his eyes, smile, laugh.
i like it all.
But i know how it would end.
so here i am.

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