i don't want it to be like
this anymore.
i don't want to have to depend on this
to determine whether i want to continue
my life or not. others may think it's a stupid
reason for one to take their life over, but
this is how i feel. i just want to know why it's
been so hard for me to get over it; probably
because i was convinced for so long that it
would actually happen. but i wish i knew
how to cope. i wish i knew how to not be
triggered when you're seen with other fans.
i know this is going to hurt forever, i just know.
this isn't one of those things you can just
get over. i just want to know how to cope is all.
and if my dream never comes true, i want to be
able to make it out alive the next day.
