Hey, Does truth always hurt? I like you and I don't expect the same back But i wish I was good at lying. Hey, I'd like to pick the shell I dropped in the big ocean. But I wish because I lost you somewhere, Deep down. Hey, I'd like to help you see the sky, and I'll find a way.
scrappy posted a quote
October 11, 2021 4:43am UTC
While sitting here trying to figure out my purpose in a world that seems to loath my existence. I've had the epiphany that I think my purpose is to care for those who cannot care for themselves. And if you can't care for yourself, then you can't care for others which means I'll strike out each and every time. It'll never matter what I do for them or how much I care for them. They will never be able to love me the way I love them. They'll never be able to care for me the way I care for them. My purpose is to make others feel like they have worth. All the while, I am chronically lonely without ever truly being alone. I don't want to do it anymore. Maybe that's selfish for not wanting to make others feel worthy of something, or feel loved without having it reciprocated back. I don't think I was ever meant to be happy. When is someone going to come along and make me feel worthy and loved? Where is that someone who won't just love me for the first few years and stop trying once they have me? Where is my person who drops everything for me because they want to see me happy, not because my sadness makes them feel guilty? I don't think that person exists. It doesn't have to be a significant other, but what about even just a friend? A friend that doesn't make me feel like a burden when I talk to them? A friend that texts first? A friend that keeps my secrets and doesn't judge me for anything? A friend that puts me ahead of other friends like I would for them? Who am I kidding?
But I got proved right over and over again, What have I done now. Who was I to tell you that when I did the same. Why did I have to choose when all I wanted was to be treated well. In the end I'm just blaming you But I wish you well. I'm sorry.
You keep showing up in my dreams. Your face is blurry but I know its you. And each time you appear, I cling to you and say something along the lines of "I'm so sorry" or "I've missed you so much". And you're either surprised or angry with me. And you have every right to. I left you before we could really see if our feelings were more than just platonic. But we're both at fault right? Always going back and forth, the classic "Will they, Won't they". Maybe that's why you still haunt my dreams, my feelings for you still lingering in my mind.