BreeeFayy* · 1 decade ago
if you need to talk the please please please don't hesitate to vent to me
1 reply

Hetalia101* · 1 decade ago
But your not going to!
1 reply

nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago
Jillian I would never forgive myself.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago
I know but ugh. I sat down and planned this out last night because I think I'm serious this time. Three weeks, after guard season finishes and then...idk.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago
Jillian what the fck do you think this is easy for me? No! I got drunk the other night just to feel something. This isn't a forever break, but we both owe it to our selves to try something out of our comfort range. Don't make me regret meeting you because if you so this I will hate you for the rest of my life.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago
I know it's not easy for either of us, but this isn't just about you. I got cut from the lacrosse team Friday night. On Saturday some of the girls at guard were making incredibly rude jokes about my sexuality as well as other things. And as of Sunday I now know basically my entire family would be happier with me dead. You have three weeks to convince me otherwise, but right now I might as well make it easier on everyone else.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago
I'm sorry things are bad right now but they always get better when you give it time. I can't be the one to fix you all the time, Jillian. I can't. If you kill yourself it won't be easier, you'll just be the coward who gave up.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago
But giving up is easier...
And I just want you to be here for me all the time and I know it's not possible and it hurts. I can't imagine myself with anyone else but you. As much as I try to be happy, I know I can't. I've just dug myself a big fcking hole and it has been getting bigger since the end of band season. Now I'm just in over my head and I can't take it anymore.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago
THIS ISN'T FOREVER. I can't do this fcking online long distance any more though! It will be easier when we can be together together and that day will come. The only way it won't is if you do this now. Then I will hate you forever and never forgive you or myself.
1 reply

Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago
Why can't it be now? God I just hate that feeling. I don't want to just walk out of your life and reappear three years later. I'm going to start going to an LGBT support group downtown. What if I meet someone there? When I finally meet you, I'll feel guilty knowing that I've broken their heart. I need you more than anything now, and yet I pushed you away. I told you I still wanted to be friends with them (apparently the gender pronoun they would like to be referred to by now). So some part of me understands what you mean. Long distance does suck. However, that helpless girl in me needs you right now Holly, before I go too far.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago
You won't have to forgive me when I'm dead though.
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago
Meet someone. And if you two hit it off then we weren't meant to be. I will understand if you find out there is someone else. And you don't need to walk out of my life. We can still talk but I can't do this relationship right now. You're going to get caught or I'm going to get caught and I can't do this. I can't be in constant fear of being caught.
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago
Why don't you understand? We were meant to be and I can't imagine myself with anyone else. I don't want to meet someone because I know I'll just break their heart...
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nevergrowup89 · 1 decade ago
That doesn't change anything right now, Jillian. I'm here for you, I just can't be your girlfriend or whatever we were now. In a few years, but I can't do it now.
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emilygm* · 1 decade ago
Jillian oh my God please don't. Pleaasseee. Yes, people would miss you, you have a family and friends and people who CARE about you and uh... I'm here if that helps? I don't want you to feel bad about yourself bc you're a great person <3 <3 <3 Stay strong
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Jillian Marie* · 1 decade ago
My family really doesn't care about me so yeah...
-1 reply