Please leave format credit to 1986! i asked god to take you out of my life if you weren't going to bring me more happiness than pain. And he immediately took you away. and yet i still wasn't satisfied because i wanted to be the one who called the shots, I wanted to be the one who ended things. I just wanted you to stay until someone better came along...how selfish of me. “
Miluiel* posted a quote
September 1, 2016 4:44pm EDT
august favorites ice cream cake. kt. skinny jeans. weddings. iced tea. woe is me. sleepovers. vaping. anticipation. driving at night. striped socks. super smash bros. kudos. turning coworkers into friends. bufferingbook.com. biking. black nail polish. getting lost. asking the waiter for more free bread. expo markers and a white board. audrey. sugar skulls. storage trunks. halloween. pancakes. classical guitar. emperor's new groove. two-part inventions. morning air. laced fingers. waffle cones. brandon flowers. piggy-back rides. glitter. don't stop believing.
WHY AM I STILL IN PAIN? it's been six months and i'm still angry at you. don't be fooled by anything i sent you or by however kind i seemed to be talking to you for the past six months. i'm going to make it clear right now that I DON'T want you back and i NEVER will, before you jump to any conclusions that this is going to be another sappy passage about how much i miss you and acting like we're going to have a future together. i did all the things they tell you to do after a breakup. i did all the things they tell you to do to get over someone. i've met new people who appreciate me for who i am. i've had various people tell me that you weren't worth my time. but you know, the funny thing is, i could have the whole world in favor of me and against you and i'd still hate you. all the things that i'd thought would help didn't because you damaged me that much. six months after a break up with no communication, most people would feel indifferent towards their exes, some even friends with them. worst case scenario, their ex would only be a passing thought with only a small wave of pain. but YOU, you disposed of me. you treated me like i was nothing to you, you killed my self esteem, you caused me so much anxiety, you disrespected me, you lied to me, and you went back to the girl you know you secretly still wanted to be with within weeks. i wish you could have just stayed with her because you two are obviously perfect together and you seem to like her more than you've ever liked me. people ask me why i am still hostile towards you, they tell me to "grow up" they ask me, "why are you still in pain?" and i tell them "how would you feel if you were just disposed of like that?" when someone shows you how unimportant you are, it has a lasting effect. any aggravation and distaste i give you you sure as hell deserve. have fun with the girl of your dreams. but watch out for karma, because it's going to kick your αss.
Why do men have to be so difficult? Why do real relationships take so much work? I thought that once I had Aurora he would grow up at least a little more. He still hardly listens to me though. And in order to get him to do what he needs to I have to not just tell him but also show him how I'm upset after he hasn't done it after so many times of being told. I'm afraid to move back in with him because I don't think things will change for the better. I love him, I really really do. But he needs to be a good dad for Aurora, and he needs to be a good boyfriend to me. He also really needs to get his priorities straight.
crimson24 posted a quote
March 30, 2016 6:32pm EDT
I'm at work and not supposed to be online. My employer says that she has software to see snapshots of whatever we do on the internet. Did she mean snapshots? Or just a list of the websites we visit? Well...she's not gonna be happy if she sees this snap, but I might as well still post it. Who knows? She might have already read this far...no use keeping her wondering. And I need to vent. I wonder what would happen if she found out how I feel about life right now? I wonder what would happen if she knew just how much my body has been destroyed by my crappy health. I wonder, if she knew, would she stop bugging me about making darned phone calls when it's hard to even hold a pen right now? Would she understand how much it takes out of me to just be here? As an introvert...this job is already extremely draining, just the fact that I have to deal with in-store customers and also be available to answer the phone, even though I do still have an underlying phone anxiety on top of the general social anxiety. But then to make more phone calls on top of that? Understandable, if I haven't already called them 20 times in the past month. But I recognise too many of these people's names and even know some of their phone numbers by heart. I should not be able to dial some customer of this company from my house. I should have to have their account open in front of my face for me to contact them, but no, I recognise their phone number and sometimes even their address. The pressure is killing me here. If some of them haven't paid by now, they won't pay again for at least another month, no need to keep leaving voicemails every single freaking day. This girl is tired. I am done.