this
is why i was typing for 10 minutes but then gave you a 3 word
reply
I have a whole book
about you. I don't know what I'll do now. I'll rip
it up in anger probably. What about all those documents? That
whole file of you? The blog? The songs? My heart? What can I
do? Some things can be deleted. Some can be ripped up. But some
things - memories, just can't be erased. Hearing a song and
thinking of you. Looking at my pillows and thinking of you.
Seeing a post and thinking about you. A dinosaur. My posters.
My phone. Phone calls, thinking they're you. MSN. Skype. TV
programmes. That noise my phone makes when I have a whatsapp
message. A picture of you I'll come across. This depressing
playlist I have. The rubber band around my wrist. Whatsapp.
Tumblr. Witty. Crying for no reason then thinking of you.
Everything relates to you because you are my everything and I
really do think I'm in love with you. I really do. And
damn, I don't know if you can forget that kind of thing.
Maybe it's young love and maybe it really is true. I hope
you can get on with your life. Find yourself a nice girl who
treats you right. Someone close. Maybe I'll find myself a
guy who was as nice and sweet and silly and cute as you were. I
won't replace you. I know I'll always remember that
english guy who was obsessed with bananas and called me a
midget and made me laugh and made me smile and treated me
right. I'll never forget you adam. I won't replace you
because I do believe you are my first love and I hope you
don't forget me, because I sure won't forget you.
Don't worry about me though. Even if I'm not okay, I
will be soon. Find yourself someone nice. Laugh and only cry
when you're watching a film or reading something or
watching something that won't give you pain that will open
new wounds every time it's brought up. And maybe this
won't be our last. Maybe in years to come we can meet.
Maybe by then you'll have moved on. Found someone new.
Maybe by then I will have too. But I still would like to meet
you. Someone so special deserves to be met. And maybe on the
week, or however long you stay, we'll become close. Maybe
I'll find I am over you and we can be friends and not
"just friends". Maybe I'll realise it wasn't
just young love. Maybe you'll feel the same way I feel
about you when we do meet - whether that be friends or just
friends. Maybe we can sort this out or maybe we will be okay.
But whatever happens, whatever our future, I hope you're
happy dear, even if it means I'm not.
