i hate everyone. why is this happening? i'm sorry, but i have to rant about this. losing someone is really hard. but let me tell you, losing someone to murder is literally living through H E L L and i can't take this anymore. my family went to yet another court apperance for the murder of my grandmother, 64 year old Diana Patterson, and my uncle, 29 year old Ryan Patterson, for the double homocide that took place on november 3, 2011. it is now march 8, 2013. yesterday, uncle Ryan's 911 call was submitted as evidence to the judge and a handful of reporters were there. i have not heard the 911 call yet, but my mom said it was pretty disturbing to listen to. so today i went to school thinking at least one of my friends would've seen it on facebook, since seriously everyone was sharing the online newspaper article about it, and asked me if i was alright. no. not one of them. the only friend who has comforted me at all in the past year and four months since their deaths is my best friend. no one asks how i'm doing or how my mom's doing or how court's going. it's not spoken about unless brought up by me. and when i do bring it up, or wear my rip tee shirts made for them, i get told it makes people uncomfortable. so lately, i've stopped bringing it up. today though, i was really hoping for someone to cheer me up, since my best friend was home sick. no one did. they just made me feel worse. and the stupid thing is, they all knew i was upset. i got fed up with it and told them at the end of the day and they asked if that was the reason i was upset all day. it's like they couldn't have asked if i was okay if they knew i was upset? my best friend would've asked within five seconds of being around me. and right after i got my three second pitty hug, it was right back to talking about them and their lives. so i came home in a bad mood, almost ready to burst into tears on the bus ride home, and went on with my day as if nothing happened. i couldn't let my parents see me upset. but then i come to find out some moron reporter that was in the court room yesterday leaked the 911 call to youtube and posted it literally everywhere. it's in the paper, it's online, it's on twitter. everywhere. my best friend got into a fight, i guess you could call it, on twitter with the reporter about how disrespectful and rude it was. she shows no sympathy, though. in a way it is rude to my uncle's friends along with me and my brother who honestly shouldn't hear his 911 ever, but what bothers me the most is that she has no problem disrespecting Ryan's privacy like that. he's gone, he can't even say whether or not he wants that out for the public to hear. i am literally on the verge of tears as i type this. i hate everyone and everything with a burning passion. and i'm sorry for this long rant, but i just wanted other people to know and hear me out since i have no say in anything anymore. thank you for reading, if you did.
- Amber xx
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