ostrichesarecaaute's Favorites

jimmy365
posted a quote
August 24, 2012 9:40pm UTC

I tripped on my sister's bra
i g u e s s y o u c o u l d s a y i t w a s a b o o b i e t r a p .
oh em gee guise im so funny.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1274 points

dolph*
posted a quote
August 26, 2012 2:26pm UTC

Pedobear
Woman at playground: "Which kid is yours?"
Me: "I haven't decided yet."
1 hour ago ·0 comment · 69 Likes
nmf/this was not meant to offend.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 28 points

MindFucked
posted a quote
August 26, 2012 2:37pm UTC

You're not sorry you did it;
You're sorry because I found out.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 14 points

dolph*
posted a quote
August 26, 2012 2:59pm UTC

Pedobear
Not old enough to testify? Old enough for me to molėst-ify.
1 hour ago ·0 comment · 69 Likes
i hate this one :/ this was not meant to offend.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 20 points

ConverseLover
posted a quote
August 26, 2012 2:25pm UTC

You need to get your life together.
And figure out what you really want.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 22 points

blankwolf*
posted a quote
June 23, 2012 7:09pm UTC

What does a nosy pepper do?
Get jalapeno buisness

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 17 points

posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points

AustinH
posted a quote
August 3, 2012 7:05pm UTC

You know who’s beautiful?
Don’t read the first word and flatter yourself,
because it's me.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1125 points

TheGirlWhoLived
posted a quote
August 2, 2012 1:24pm UTC

Clint
Of course us gays dress well. We didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.
24 hours ago · comment · like
402 people likes this
nmq&nmf

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1245 points

Soccerbabe23
posted a quote
August 4, 2012 6:47pm UTC

Wanting a boy
to give you a piggy-back ride
but you're afraid
you're too heavy.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1906 points

str0ng
posted a quote
August 8, 2012 7:16pm UTC

either you're going to
be hated or misunderstood.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 173 points

str0ng
posted a quote
August 8, 2012 8:26pm UTC

you can either focus on
what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 359 points

str0ng
posted a quote
August 8, 2012 8:56pm UTC

smile.
let everyone know that you're stronger than you were yesterday.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 445 points

xlivelaughlove524x
posted a quote
August 8, 2012 8:26pm UTC

Girl: May I please use the restroom?
Teacher: Can you wait? This period is almost over.
Girl: Not for me it isn't.
^I saw this in a movie today, and I laughed so hard I cried.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 2336 points

AustinH
posted a quote
July 29, 2012 11:19pm UTC

So I was in a banana suit
earlier while I was eating a banana.
I couldn't decide if it was
canabalism or
canabananalism.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 494 points

MyWittyProfile
posted a quote
July 12, 2012 1:14pm UTC

When everyone stopped laughing
ten minutes ago and you are still laughing like a walrus

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 445 points

only_abigale
posted a quote
July 12, 2012 2:27pm UTC

I want to see Magic Mike for its storyline
-said nobody ever

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LandonIsWitty
posted a quote
July 14, 2012 4:05pm UTC

You wanna hear a number joke?
Nevermind, I four-get.
(;

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 570 points

mrsivyweasley
posted a quote
July 14, 2012 12:26pm UTC

Bella Swan
My life sucks. :[
24 hours ago · comment · like
2 people like this
Harry Potter
Really? Did your parents die trying to protect you from the world's most feared dark wizard?
23 hours ago · Like
Bella Swan
Well, no
22 hours ago · Like
Harry Potter
Did your god-father die in front of you? Did the man you looked up to fall from a tower and die? Did your best friend desert you because he thought you liked your other best friend, when you don't but he does? Did you have to go searching for bits of somebody's soul, while you know people you love are going to die?
21 hours ago · like
Bella Swan
No. But I love my boyfriend, but I also like my best friend. </3
21 hours ago · like
Voldemort
LOL.
21 hours ago · like

👍 this is good · read the comments · 631 points

allweneedislove97
posted a quote
July 14, 2012 5:17pm UTC

Some guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool,
I handed him a glass of water.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 677 points

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