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maddieee*
posted a quote
July 16, 2013 4:40pm UTC

Am I the only one
who looks back at their witty username and is like "what the f.ck was I thinking?"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 11 points

Cammie
posted a quote
July 10, 2013 3:52pm UTC

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Me: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in school.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 167 points

Cammie
posted a quote
July 10, 2013 4:26pm UTC

have you ever been on youtube and the video is just frozen so you go to refresh the page
and the video starts working again but you always refreshed it so it's loading another page so you have to go through all of the torture of buffering again

👍 this is good · read the comments · 65 points

yourcool
posted a quote
July 11, 2013 12:08am UTC

Get a glass and smash it on the floor.
- Okay, done.
Is it broken?
- Yes
Now say sorry to it.
- Sorry.
Is it fixed now?
- Of course not!
So sorry wasn't good enough?
- Well no, but-
What about glue? Can you fix it by gluing it back together?
- I can try.
Can you still see the cracks?
- Yes.
Will it hold any water? Can it still fulfull its purpose?
- No, but-
Why not?
- Because it's broken.
Because you have broken it.
- Oh.
And it will be forever broken. You couldn't fix it by saying sorry.
- Oh.
Will it still be broken if you walk away?
- Yes.
So you leaving won't fix it?
- No.
Can anything make it the way it was before?
- No.
Do you understand now?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 128 points

BravoSierra
posted a quote
July 11, 2013 2:41am UTC

me six hours ago: i should go to bed soon.
me four hours ago: i should go to bed soon.
me three and a half hours ago: i should go to bed soon.
me 1.75 hours ago: i should go to bed soon.
me three quarters of an hour ago: i should go to bed soon.
me now: oh is that the sun?

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 142 points

yourcool
posted a quote
July 10, 2013 9:25pm UTC

one time this guy was hitting on me and
he said "i'm loving the whole blonde hair, blue eyes thing" and i said "so did h.tler" i literally said that to a person

👍 this is good · read the comments · 175 points

yourcool
posted a quote
July 10, 2013 9:53pm UTC

i don't get why girl find drunk texts annoying.
you're the person they're thinking of when their brain can't even function properly.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 205 points

redstarburst
posted a quote
February 7, 2013 6:44pm UTC

I was in the hospital today
&
I saw this cute guy
with a cast on his leg
& my first
thought was
This one
Can't run away...
NMQ

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 109 points

angeldog105
posted a quote
February 7, 2013 6:46pm UTC

Whenever he walks by,
I always make sure I laugh extra loud with my friends so he thinks
I actually have a life.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 6 points

MaxEatsCrayons
posted a quote
February 7, 2013 6:32pm UTC

So at this very moment I'm watching two 6th graders fight with each other on a status about wether or not the girl sent him nudes of herself. 6th graders.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 38 points

RingoStar
posted a quote
February 6, 2013 8:40pm UTC

There are 7,064,588,395
people on this planet, Earth
and I still have a 0% chance
of having a boyfriend on Valentine's day

👍 this is good · read the comments · 259 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
February 6, 2013 7:07pm UTC

I never run with scissors.
Those last two words were unnecessary.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 225 points

bye*
posted a quote
February 6, 2013 5:06pm UTC

bread is cool because you can put pretty much everything inside bread and still tastes good, shout out to bread

👍 this is good · read the comments · 233 points

BlackButterflies
posted a quote
February 4, 2013 10:38pm UTC

me: *signs in*
me: oh that's a funny quote
me: *fave*
witty: you need to sign in to add this quote to your favourites
me: go home witty, you're drunk.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 519 points

yourcool
posted a quote
February 4, 2013 4:21pm UTC

i was totally born in th wrong age...
everybody today loves justin bieber, shopping at the mall and texting. me? i love living in a cave, scavenging for food, having to fend off dinosaurs left and right and having no recognizable language or major form of communication. you say nicki minaj, i say bang two rocks together. you say one direction? i scream unintelligible throaty noises. (am i the oooonly one?!)

👍 this is good · read the comments · 175 points

JustAnotherWittyGuy18
posted a quote
February 5, 2013 3:08pm UTC

Society: Everyone is beautiful just the way they are!
Society: Ew you have pimples, wear cover up!
Society: Ew that shirt does not go with those skinny jeans.
Society: Why are you so stupid! Do you not own a brain??
Society: Ew you cut yourself, you belong in Hell.
Society: Ew you dress liek a guy but are a girl, why do i even talk to you?
Society: You don't have abs? Ew get away from me.
Society: You aren't a size 0, why are you so fat!
Society: Why are you so depressed? Like get a life.
Society: F@gg*t you like the same gender.
Society: Gay guys are so cute!
Society: Ew Lesbians.
Society: Why can't you be a jock? All guys need to be jocks!
Society: Everyone is perfect the way they are! BUT ONLY IF THEY ARE FAKE.
MQ

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 138 points

capsized*
posted a quote
February 5, 2013 2:58pm UTC

Band Member: Hi there!
Crowd: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Band Member: How are you guys?
Crowd: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Band Member: Good!

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 174 points

posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

This quote does not exist.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 97 points

RugsFromMeToYou
posted a quote
February 5, 2013 3:39pm UTC

My dad said if i don't stop typing loudly
he'll smash my face on the key67yghbj
nmq

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 13 points

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