d_rew's Favorites

sammy*
posted a quote
December 23, 2012 7:44pm UTC

Pants without pockets: why
Pants with fake pockets: okay now you're just being rude

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1135 points

JustMeh
posted a quote
November 3, 2012 1:39pm UTC

Not one person wished me a happy birthday today.
Which I suppose is fair, since it isn't my birthday

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1083 points

ѕυммєяѕυηѕєтѕ*
posted a quote
December 14, 2012 2:50pm UTC

This is for the 18 kindergarteners
» who don't get to see tommorrow.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1096 points

styles*
posted a quote
December 26, 2012 4:31pm UTC

There are 364 days
until Christmas
and people already have their lights up.
unbelievable.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1199 points

wampler9238
posted a quote
November 11, 2012 10:28am UTC

Demi is a brunette and has bangs
Selena is back on Disney.
Miley is back in the recording studio
Justin is single
.
Ladie's and Gents we're back in 2009

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1257 points

beachbabe7
posted a quote
October 30, 2012 3:07pm UTC

Hurricane Katrina
Let me tell you something about Sandy. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrasing. I don't even...whatever. So then in eigth grade, Irene hit, and Sandy was like, weirdly jealous of her. Like, if I would rate her a 1, and then I'd rate Irene a 3, she'd be like, "Why am I rated me so low?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-category 3 and up party, I was like, "Sandy, I can't invite you, because you're category 1." I mean I couldn't have a category 1 at my party. There were gonna be storms wipping out entire cities there. I mean, right? She was a CATEGORY 1. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in October, and now I guess she's destoying the entire East Coast.
Like • Comment • 27 minutes ago

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1248 points

Steve
posted a quote
October 3, 2013 9:09pm UTC

What's the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 381 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
October 29, 2013 7:14pm UTC

person: how tall are you?
me: 5'1"
person: wow you're short
me: wow
me: really
me: i didn't know
me: there goes my pro basketball career
me: this is brand new information

👍 this is good · read the comments · 327 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 9, 2013 2:18pm UTC

Expectations:
Teens - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff
Adults - What are you doing today? Want to hang out?
Reality:
Teens - Hey! What you doing today? Want to hang out?
Adults - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff

👍 this is good · read the comments · 193 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 12, 2013 2:19pm UTC

how do mermaids have babies
why didn’t tarzan have a beard
why didn’t aladdin have nipples

👍 this is good · read the comments · 223 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
October 19, 2013 10:13am UTC

America:
Making my way downtown
America: Walking fast
China: Hey America you owe me money--
America: Walking faster

👍 this is good · read the comments · 250 points

happiest*
posted a quote
September 28, 2013 3:35pm UTC

i’m 16 and i still walk up the stairs with my hands
how do they expect me to learn algebra

👍 this is good · read the comments · 225 points

lithium*
posted a quote
October 4, 2013 8:08pm UTC

me: I'm cold
dad: hi cold, I'm dad
*dads of the world unite in uproarious laughter*

👍 this is good · read the comments · 253 points

Chris*
posted a quote
October 24, 2013 2:41pm UTC

Interviewer: Your record has been taken over by--
JK Rowling: 50 Shade of Grey. Just think how many more copies I would have sold if Harry had been a little more creative with his wand.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 79 points

BravoSierra
posted a quote
October 21, 2013 1:47pm UTC

who let you out of the womb.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 109 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 23, 2013 3:12pm UTC

why don’t murderers just hide the bodies in cemeteries

👍 this is good · read the comments · 172 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
October 22, 2013 3:02pm UTC

i'm single by choice. just not my choice.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 211 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 21, 2013 2:16pm UTC

can boys like stop having skinner legs than me

👍 this is good · read the comments · 215 points

blankwolf*
posted a quote
December 4, 2012 10:21pm UTC

How to tell who has been stalking your Facebook profile.
1. Go to Facebook.com
2. Right click anywhere on the page.
3. Click "View page source"
4. Press CTRL + F and type "orderedfriends"
5. Copy the first series of numbers in quotation marks below it.
6. Open another tab, go to Facebook.com/(paste the number here)
7. The first number is the person that's been on your profile the most,
the second the second most, and so on.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1562 points

AwesomeUsername
posted a quote
August 13, 2012 9:06pm UTC

My guy friend almost got into a fight at Wal-Mart 'cause this kid thought he was funny in front of his friends:
Kid: Nice V-neck. Looks like my sister's.
My friend: Oh, I'm sorry. Must've put on the wrong shirt after I f/cked her.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1730 points

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