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cramey2017

posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

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posted a quote
January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
March 1, 2013 6:19pm UTC

*Me and brother at food store*
Brother: Look! Mac & Cheese!! I wanted some ever since I saw that commercial! *empties half the shelf*
Me: Animal Crackers!!! *Sprints over to get some*
Old man: *Looks at our mother with pitty*
Me and brother: *Starts throwing stuffed animals over the aisles* (I still don't know why there were stuffed animals in a food store)
Store clerk: *Walks over to yell at us*
Me: Starts some serious shopping...
Me: NUTELLLAAAA!!
Mom: *Hands me a nasty store brand kind* This one's cheeper ^-^
Me: Ew no..
Mom: Whatever just take what you want...
*In the car*
Mom: And this is why I don't let you go food shopping with me.
Note*
basically we disgraced our mother and bought half the food store.

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roseth0rn
posted a quote
February 24, 2013 5:28pm UTC

This is what I saw on the witty tumblr:
smexyxlean asked: I know everyone says that you should allow picture posts on witty, but please don't. I'll stop using it if you do. People will end up posting pictures of self harm and trigger a lot people. Thanks for reading.
Steve replied with:
I’d be more worried about pictures of penises.

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spence*
posted a quote
February 23, 2013 12:32pm UTC

Me: mom, i need money
Mom: What? did you spend those
2 dollars i gave you in 2003 already?

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Soccerfata
posted a quote
February 19, 2013 6:47pm UTC

So I get home and there's this random guy on my couch and he's like "Alright, I don't want to hurt you. Just put your stuff down and get on the ground. I just want your money." And I almost had a heart attack. I was like, "OMG, please no I don't have any money. I'm too young to die." Then he was like, "Nah man, I'm just messin with you. I'm your brothers friend. He's in the shower, I'm just waiting for him."
That guy is a genius....

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spence*
posted a quote
February 19, 2013 12:13pm UTC

Most kids: Mom I'm going out with my friends.
Their mom: Ok, don't be back too late.
Me: Mom I'm going out with my friends.
My mom: What friends? What are their names? How did you meet
these friends? How old are they? When were they born? Where do they live?
What's their address? What are their parents name? Where will you be
haning out? How are you getting there? How are you getting home?
... Is your room clean?

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OhHoePlease
posted a quote
February 18, 2013 7:47pm UTC

To realize the value of one year,
ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the vallue of one month,
ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one week,
ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of one day,
ask the person who was born on February 29th.
To realize the value of one hour,
ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of one minute,
ask the person who missed the train.
To realize the value of one second,
ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value of one millisecond,
ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.
♥
format by ohhoeplease

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bunnylover43
posted a quote
February 18, 2013 3:21pm UTC

Joke Of The Moment #2
Teacher: Can someone give me
the opposite to this sentence?
"Children in the dark make mistakes."
One student raises his hand
with the biggest smirk.
The teacher picks him.
And he simly replies:
"Mistakes in the dark make Children."
Should I continue?
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

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jimmy365
posted a quote
February 18, 2013 8:34pm UTC

my diet plan:
make all of my
friends cupcakes;
the fatter they
get the thinner i look.
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

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Cammie
posted a quote
February 18, 2013 5:02pm UTC

my 18 year old brother while standing in the ocean: there's so much water
You don't say...

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jimmy365
posted a quote
February 18, 2013 5:44pm UTC

omfG
SO TODAY IN
PHYSICS THIS GIRL’S
PHONE WENT OFF
AND HER RINGTONE
WAS SHINE
BRIGHT LIKE A
DIAMOND AND MY
TEACHER STOOD UP
AND SAID TURN
THAT THING OFF IF I
HEAR IT AGAIN
I WILL PERSONALLY
TRACK DOWN
RIHANNA AND EXPLAIN
TO HER THAT
DIAMONDS DO NOT
SHINE THEY REFLECT
f o r m a t j i m m y 3 6 5

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伤*
posted a quote
February 17, 2013 3:40pm UTC

Never hate on someone's idol
it could be (the only reason) they're alive
- Ariana Grande

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bella is a penguin *
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 6:51pm UTC

*gets 3rd degree burns from bottom of laptop*

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sarahmarlowXxx
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 6:56am UTC

If caterpillars can sleep for a long time
and come out prettier why can't i

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KatieInAStrangeLand
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 11:05am UTC

Adele & Taylor Swift
-Both singers.
-Both the same age.
-The difference?
-One has a baby, while the other's mentally stuck in high school

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Spencer Grace✨*
posted a quote
February 15, 2013 10:11pm UTC

Me: He doesn't like me...
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Thanks obama.

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 1:23pm UTC

if you try to wake me up by
pulling off my blakents, i'll probably kill you.

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TaintedCorruption
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 2:15pm UTC

Sister: What's a pedestrian?
Me: Ask mom.
Sister: I can't it sounds dirty.
Me: Fine...YOU'RE THE BIGGEST PEDESTRIAN I EVER SEEN!
Sister: MOM SHE CALLED ME A PEDESTRIAN.
Mom: But you are a pedestrain
Sister: *cries*

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yourcool
posted a quote
February 16, 2013 1:27pm UTC

i wanna audition for all the ugly roles
in movies because if you get the part, you're in a move which is pretty cool, but if you don't get the part it means that you're not ugly enough for it which is also cool.

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