.....
I can't say it has been easy learning to live without you. But I can say I have made real progress.
I can talk about your death without crying. I can look people in the eye and tell them how you died. And now I finally feel like I can be honest with myself.
I've come to terms with the fact that I will never see you again. I used to look for you everywhere, hoping that you were watching over me and sending me signs. But I don't need you to linger anymore. I am finally at ease with your passing.
It pains me to amit that I think about you more now than I did when you were alive. I stare into your negative space and fear that one day I will go 24 hours without pausing to remember you. As the sound of your voice grows more distance, leaving parts of you behind seems inevitable.
Selfishly, one of the worst realizations is that you are only the first of the big losses I will face in my life. It's not just our grandparents who look older these days and our parents no longer seem as invincible as they once did. I've also realized that you might not be the only friend who dies young or unexpectedly. And as cliche as it sounds, I've lost my sense of adolescent immortality. I know it could just as easily be me.
While it is frightening to think of what comes next, somehow, in your own way, you've prepared me for it. I think it would make you, the eternal optimist that you were, happy to know that your friendship keeps making me a better, stronger person. You showed me that I can function in the face of tragedy. You taught me the vocabulary of grief so I can comfort others when they need it. I never would have asked for it to be this way, but if this is what I can take from it, I will.
So, friend, that's all I have to share for now. I'll raise a glass for you and as always, I'll keep you in my thoughts.
.....
Crazy_Beautiful202
HelloKittyy11
Decay *
16msavercool
flyingbacon7
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jennyracinggirl