Best Contest_funny Quotes Today

happiest*
posted a quote
October 11, 2013 2:27pm UTC

At my school there’s a rule that only one student can be out of class at a time with a hall pass, but today in math a bunch of people forgot their graphing calculators so my math teacher yelled, “EVERYBODY, GO. RUN. THEY CAN’T CATCHH ALL OF YOU.”

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 12, 2013 2:17pm UTC

u never truly appreciate how nice it is to be able to breathe through your nose until u get a cold

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 10, 2013 2:17pm UTC

if i was famous i’d answer every inappropriate tweet i got

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 12, 2013 2:19pm UTC

how do mermaids have babies
why didn’t tarzan have a beard
why didn’t aladdin have nipples

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 11, 2013 2:31pm UTC

isn’t it weird that you can have friends but also have no friends at the same time

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 9, 2013 2:18pm UTC

Expectations:
Teens - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff
Adults - What are you doing today? Want to hang out?
Reality:
Teens - Hey! What you doing today? Want to hang out?
Adults - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 7, 2013 3:01pm UTC

Me: Why is this book over
Me: Why couldn't it be longer
Me: What am I supposed to read now
*glances at pile of unread books*
Me: Don't look at me like that

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 166 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 8, 2013 2:42pm UTC

if u see me smiling in public it means im laughing at the jokes i tell myself in my head

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 10, 2013 2:22pm UTC

One time this boy in my math class ate an eraser it was last week i am seventeen years old the class was A.P. calculus

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 12, 2013 2:15pm UTC

*shouting the wrong answer in class with confidence*

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BravoSierra
posted a quote
October 9, 2013 2:56pm UTC

the fox says you're a failure and your life is sad.

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 9, 2013 2:21pm UTC

i was meant to be born a spoiled rich white girl in manhattan but something went wrong idk

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 7, 2013 3:05pm UTC

They call me girl
They call me Stacey
They call me her They call me Esteban Julio Montoya De La Rosa Ramírez That’s not my name
That’s not my name
That’s not my name
That’s not my name

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vanilla_shortcake
posted a quote
October 11, 2013 2:36pm UTC

At McDonalds last night this dude,
gave me the wrong flavoured mcflurry,
so i threw it back at him and yelled ,
"You McF/cked up.
format credit to: Jade672

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 8, 2013 2:40pm UTC

Attend college~
Attend colleg
Attend colle
Attend coll
Attend col
Attend co
Attend con
Attend conc
Attend conce
Attend concer
Attend concert
Attend concerts~

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 8, 2013 2:45pm UTC

My mom talked in her sleep a lot when I was in high school. I could usually hold an entire conversation with her while she was sleeping. Once I heard her mumble, “I know everything.” I told her she didn’t know algebra, and she assured me she did. So I asked, “What’s a polynomial?” And with the authority of a thousand professors, she stated, “It’s when there’s no toy in your Happy Meal.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 120 points

BravoSierra
posted a quote
October 9, 2013 2:54pm UTC

excuse me mom, but whoever smelt it dealt it.
so it is, in fact, you that is doing the weed around here.

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happiest*
posted a quote
October 9, 2013 2:16pm UTC

one night two parents went out for dinner a few hours later the baby sitter called and asked if she could cover up the clown statue in the kids room the dad told her to get out of the house and call the police and that they didnt have a clown statue when the police got there it turned out they did have a clown statue and the dad had alzheimers

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BravoSierra
posted a quote
October 9, 2013 7:51pm UTC

Today marks the 8 year anniversairy
of the first meeting of Dumbledore's Army.

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BravoSierra
posted a quote
October 9, 2013 7:44pm UTC

if you pulled your head out of your áss,
your life wouldn't seem so shítty.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 70 points

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Best Contest_funny Quotes Today