I'm home for Spring Break; I've been home for about three days now.
I won't lie either, I'm happy I'm home for once.
Not that I'm starting to hate my school because I sure as heck want to go back.
But I needed a break.
I hadn't been home for weeks; 7 to be exact.
I missed my dogs, my mother, my cats, my sisters boyfriend, and even my sister (and that's saying a lot).
You know, it's okay to miss home sometimes.
I love my school and my friends so much, but sometimes all you need to do is get away.
Since being in school, since, January 26th, I figured out a lot about me.
You're probably thinking, "But that's only a month and a half, how could you figure out more about yourself?"
I'll tell you a little secret; You are constantly learning something new about yourself every day while you're at college.
I found out that I can't live with my best friend from home.
But the one reason I can't is because I know if we were to live together next year, one of us would kill each other.
She doesn't understand yet, she just calls me selfish, and for that I don't like talking about this subject with her.
But I'm just not willing to lose her friendship over something like this, fighting all the time.
It just isn't worth it and I wish I could tell her that I do love her, but we need to live a year apart so we can figure things out.
We'll be living across campus and then some next year, but I think it'll help us wonders.
Another thing I learned is that sometimes, you might want someone really bad, but no matter what his situation,
if you two are friends, it is not worth ruining that.
Recently, I realized that I had feelings for a good friend, and a while back, he had a girlfriend.
And I really contemplated being that other girl because I convinced myself that I was the single one.
I wasn't doing anything wrong, after all, right? He was the one being dumb.
After a week or so, I was never so glad that I never did anything with him.
Turns out, he ended things with his girlfriend (for reasons I don't know and don't want to know; all I know is he was the one that ended things.)
The great thing about him, is that I'm also friends with his roommates and close friends.
So, I told one of them how I felt about him after he told me, "You know, Amanda, he broke up with her last night."
I think my heart dropped with happiness when I heard those words; I had my chance again.
But his next words, they made me realize how much he cares for me.
"Don't go after him yet. He just wants to do his thing for a while. He'll come to you."
That night, I trashed my room because I was so mad.
But a day later, I realized how thankful I was for him for saying that.
Because if he hadn't, I would've made a fool of myself that night.
(I still did, but he didn't know what I was talking about at that moment.)
I still have very strong feelings for this guy, and I want nothing more than him.
I know it's a long shot but disregarding what some of my friends think and say, I think he's worth the wait.
They don't know half the story with me and him, I don't tell them because they don't need to know.
As long him and I know what's going on, that's good with me.
Going back, I lied a little about something.
I said that I never did anything with him, and I technically didn't.
But one night he snapchatted me and we flirted and somehow, we ended up sending naked pictures to one another.
But here's the thing: I don't regret it. I don't regret doing it.
Because if I hadn't done it, I know I might be thinking too much into it but if I hadn't done it, would he still have ended things with her?
Regardless, I'm going to do what his friend says and wait and be patient.
I know how he feels about me and he know how I feel about him.
If it happens, it's beautiful.
If it doesn't, well it'll still be beautiful.
I've realized that no matter what happens, we'll always be friends.
I just want him to be happy, whether it's with me, someone else or no one.
All I care about is that we remain friends and for right now, we're alright and I'm happy and so is he.
I'll be patient for as long as possible, to me it's worth it.
But if I decide at a later date to move on than so be it because I know he just wants me to be happy and healthy too.
The last thing I learned about myself is to always take risks and to always get destructive people out of your life.
I'm 20 years old, I don't have time to worry about people trying to hurt me.
I want to be around people that I care about and people that care about me.
If someone wants to mess with me, I don't let them but I also don't make a big deal out of it.
It's as simple as that.
I'm an adult for godsake and I'm happy with my life and my decisions.
And I hope you are, too.
iLL-Legal Alien👽*
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