Best Badumtss Quotes This Week

dolph*
posted a quote
June 16, 2013 1:47pm UTC

i broke my finger today but on the other hand i am completely fine

👍 this is good · read the comments · 213 points

LettingSecretsGo
posted a quote
August 21, 2013 6:09pm UTC

When I found out my toaster wasn't water proof,
I was shocked.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 151 points

*crybaby*

posted a quote
March 28, 2014 1:54am UTC

HOW DID BARACK PROPOSE TO MICHELLE?
HE GO ON ONE KNEE, PULLED OUT A RING, AND SAID "I DON'T WANNA BE OBAMASELF"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 133 points

*crybaby*

posted a quote
April 22, 2014 2:58am UTC

there are over 500 types of pasta. Wow. the pastabilities are endless

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 66 points

dolph*
posted a quote
June 21, 2013 1:49pm UTC

Doctor: I'm afraid he lost his left hand so he's going to be alright

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 61 points

*crybaby*

posted a quote
April 10, 2014 9:45pm UTC

i'm coming out of the closet. i am a shirt. i haven't been worn in months. this is exciting

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 44 points

*crybaby*

posted a quote
July 30, 2014 4:02am UTC

What do you call a sick eagle?
illegal

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 22 points

Swag Unicorn*
posted a quote
September 1, 2013 1:06am UTC

Friend: Hey I brought back your sweater.
Me: But it was so sëxy.
Friend:I Then I guess you could say I'm bringing sëxy back.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 21 points

LettingSecretsGo
posted a quote
August 21, 2013 6:23pm UTC

Why do orphans make terrible baseball players?
They don't know where home is.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 24 points

*crybaby*

posted a quote
August 24, 2014 1:29am UTC

with great power comes a great electricity bill

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 19 points

the_last_hope
posted a quote
June 26, 2013 2:22pm UTC

"What's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland?"
"Well, the flag is a big plus!"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 12 points

*crybaby*

posted a quote
May 12, 2014 4:14am UTC

Need an ark like asap? don't worry, i Noah guy

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points

brillt27
posted a quote
August 10, 2013 3:05pm UTC

i never befriend other serial killers.
they're all backstabbers

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 9 points

๑°`°º¤ø тнe_ιмpoѕѕιвle_gιrl_wнo_waιтed ø¤º°`°๑ *
posted a quote
September 17, 2013 10:35am UTC

Confession #3
I make Harry Potter references in real life
all the time.
Some people think it's
Riddikulus, but I don't care.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points

*crybaby*

posted a quote
May 16, 2014 11:01pm UTC

why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
because then it'll be a foot

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points

brillt27
posted a quote
August 1, 2013 2:09pm UTC

so there's this new documentary about white trash
i only saw the trailer

👍 this is good · read the comments · 9 points

brillt27
posted a quote
July 27, 2013 9:45am UTC

i can cut wood just by looking at it
it's true, i saw it with my own eyes

👍 this is good · read the comments · 9 points

*silvergirl*
posted a quote
July 20, 2013 9:55am UTC

*Changes name to Karma and becomes a b/tch*

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points

brillt27
posted a quote
July 2, 2013 3:03pm UTC

i thought taking off a snail's shell would make it faster
but it just made it more sluggish

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points

๑°`°º¤ø тнe_ιмpoѕѕιвle_gιrl_wнo_waιтed ø¤º°`°๑ *
posted a quote
October 4, 2013 6:20pm UTC

The man who created "knock knock" jokes
deserves a "no bell" prize

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points

Witty Profiles

Best Badumtss Quotes This Week