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1. I'll do my laundry eventually but for now it's fine on the desk chair.
2. Breakfast isn't so much a meal as it is a motivation for me to drag my sorry axss out of bed.
3. Poptarts are a meal f/ck you.
4. A bowl of spinach is a meal too leave me alone.
5. I can't cook for sh/t.
6. I lose my glasses about every ten minutes and I throw a fit every time.
7. WHERE ARE MY GLASSES WHAT THE F/CK DID I DO WITH MY GLASSES I CAN'T SEE.
8. I haven't made my bed since elementary school and I never will again.
9. I go through like two cartons of orange juice a week. It's because I'm from Florida. 
10. If the neighbors have a dog I'm going to build my schedule around the most opportune times to see the dog.
11. Washing dishes is my favorite chore and I'm weird about it.
12. When I'm barefoot I always walk on my tiptoes and I don't know why.
13. I can be an early bird and night owl but f/ck the midafternoon.
14. Yeah I'm drinking coffee at 10 pm what's your point???
15. Yes my hair is a disaster it's always like this I don't know what you want me to do about it.
16. I can't sing but that's not gonna stop me.
17. I keep my phone in my bra. I keep my money in bra. Everything is in my bra.
18. I'm probably gonna get lost within the apartment complex and call you to my rescue at some point.
19. I'm gonna accumulate empty water bottles in my room and then one day you'll just see me carry like twenty all at once out to the trash.
20. I have a terrible habit of sitting/lying on counters and tabletops and it's almost ritualistic.