It’s 10:53 pm on
a Sunday night. You’ve already said goodnight to your parents
and siblings. Your door is locked and they think you’re sound
asleep. You sit at your desk twirling a pen in your hand. You stare
at the blank piece of paper as the tears refill your eyes for the
fifth time tonight. You don’t want to do it without writing a
goodbye letter.
You want to make sure your family knows why you did it. The tears
fall onto the paper and you can’t help the frustration as the
droplets begin to ruin the paper. You crumble it up and break down
even harder. You realize you can’t write the letter, so you
look in the mirror once more & watch as your final tear falls.
Only a couple moments later your heart stops and the blood escapes
your body to create a puddle on the floor. But nobody is going to
care, right?
It’s now 6:47 am Monday morning. Your mother waits downstairs
in the kitchen to give you your lunch money. She’s already
late for work but she doesn’t want you to stress about making
lunch for yourself. She doesn’t know what’s taking you
so long. She yells your name a couple times, but there’s no
response. She has no idea your cold dead body is lying in your
bedroom. She thinks you slept in, so she runs up the stairs and
knocks on your door. But still, there is no answer. She opens the
door and screams, horrified. She runs to you and holds your body.
The tears seem like a waterfall, everlasting. She sits there with
you cradled in her arms for a good hour, until she has the strength
to get up and call your father. Your father rushes home, and they
cry together. They pick up your siblings from school and try to
explain to them what has happened. Your older brother runs out of
your room and into his. He slams the door. He thinks its all his
fault. He’s always picked on you, calling you names and
starting arguments just to push your buttons. He punches his walls
and allows the tears to pour out of him. Your little sister
doesn’t understand. She asks if it’s because she always
tries to steal your stuff or because she never leaves you alone
when you have your friends over. It’s hard to explain
something like this to a six year old. But she probably
wouldn’t care anyways, right?
It’s now Wednesday and your mom finally goes to your school.
She hasn’t left the house since you took your life, but she
knew she had to go. She enters your classroom to only see the
teacher sitting at her desk grading papers. It’s 12:19pm so
your classmates are sitting in lunch. Your teacher greets her and
asks where you’ve been. Your mother bursts into tears and
your teacher automatically is astonished. She has no idea
what’s wrong, but she tries to comfort your mother. Your mom
begins to explain what had happened, and your teacher cries too.
She begins to have flashbacks of all the times she yelled at you
for not paying attention and not doing your homework. She thinks
it’s her fault for being to hard on you. Your classmates
return and are confused. A couple students recognize your mom and
want to say hi, but they sense something is wrong. Your teacher
calls the vice principal and principal in and your mom explains.
Everyone in the classroom is now crying, Even the annoying boy that
sat behind you and threw gum in your hair is crying., thinking its
his fault. Even the popular girl that wouldn’t give you the
time of day is crying, thinking it’s her fault. Even the nerd
that wouldn’t let you copy his homework is crying, thinking
it’s his fault. They’re probably all faking, because
nobody actually cares, right?
A week has gone buy and it’s time for your funeral. Nobody
has ever seen one this large. Almost every kid in your school and
their families are there. Actually almost anyone you’ve come
into contact with has come. It’s like a pool of black as one
looks over the people sitting in the chairs as your dead corpse
lies in the casket. Everyone goes up to speak. And after every
speech everyone begins to cry even harder. Even the emotionless
jock is in hysterics. The funeral lasts many hours; nobody wants to
get up, to move on, to accept what has happened is real life. All
of them are just too lazy to get up, because they obviously
don’t actually care, right?
It’s now been a month since your death. None of your family
members have been in your room. The door remains shut. Your mom
goes up to your dad and whispers, “it’s time”.
Your dad looks at her with his lifeless eyes, nods, and slowly
rises from the kitchen table. They enter your room slowly. Just
stepping inside of it gives your mother the chills. Your father
holds your mom as she begins to tear. He’s trying to be
strong, but he can’t, soon the tears swell up in his eyes as
well. They begin to pick up your clothes, dust your shelves, and
make your bed. The stain on your carpet from your blood has been
covered with a rug. Neither of them goes near it. They clean in
silence for the next hour. They don’t care that you’re
gone; they just didn’t want a messy room, right?
Another week goes by. Your brother passes your room and hears
crying coming from inside. He opens the door to see your little
sister sitting on your bed clutching your favorite pillow. He runs
to her and they cry together. Soon your mother and father have
joined them. Your father jokes, “this bed is not big enough
for four of us” and everyone laughs. You know, that’s
the first time your family has laughed since you died. The first
time a smile has even crept on their faces. They hug each other and
your mother says, “we’ll get through this,
someday…” You thought nobody would care? Well, you
were wrong.
Nobody wanted you to take your life. Nobody wanted to wake up and
find your body. Nobody wanted this, wished for this, could have
imagined this. Some people knew you’ve been down lately, but
they never thought this would happen. They never thought this could
happen. They never thought they would go through this pain. They
never wanted to have to face the agony, the guilt, the frustration,
the depression, & the heartache they have been forced to
encounter.
Now, before you kill yourself think about it. You matter so much to
so many people. There are so many people that will miss you. Your
smile, your laugh, the way your eyes light up when you’re
happy. Do you want to take that away from everyone? From yourself?
Never get to smile again, or see the person that makes your heart
skip a beat, never get to live? Don’t do that to yourself.
You have so much to live for. If you haven’t already, do you
really want to miss the opportunity to meet your true friends? Have
your first kiss? Fall head over heels in love? Get your heart
broken time and time again? Go to college? Get an A+ on that final
you studied for days on end for? Get married? Have your own
children? What would you do if you walked in to your 15 year old
daughter’s room and saw her lying there with no heartbeat,
surrounded by a pool of blood. It would be no big deal right?
You’d shrug and clean up the blood with a smile on your face
as you hum your favorite song that’s been in your head for
the past couple days. No. you’d cry and clutch her lifeless
body in your arms and cry. Cry, and cry and cry. You’d think
it was your fault and a million thoughts would go through your
mind. Why would she do this? Is it my fault? Why didn’t she
tell me she was depressed? Why didn’t I stop her? How
couldn’t I have known? But she was thinking the same thing
you were as a child. You know, that nobody would care?
So had a rough day? Rough week? Rough month? And you think
there's no reason to live? Put your hand on your chest; feel
that beating? that's your reason to live. Don't give up,
you’re not alone, there are so many people that care about
you, don't ever think differently.
We love you. And you're beautiful. Don't let anyone tell
you otherwise.
It’s 10:53 pm on a Sunday night. You’ve already said
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5 comments
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Sep 21, 2014 5:10pm
nicole🌹* · 9 years ago
I freaking love this. oh my god.
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