Girlfriend's Best Friend
CHAPTER 42
x x x
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“Guys, can you give us a
second?” I asked Carter and Graham. They nodded and
walked down the boardwalk to give us privacy.
“Kelli…” I tried to think of something to
say.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized.
“What?”
“I said I’m sorry. For being so clingy, for always
wanting your attention, for loving you too
much—”
“Stop,” I cut her off. She shouldn’t have to
apologize for anything. “Kelli, do you realize how much I
owe you? You’re the one who got me sober, you’re
the only person who truly knows the real me, you showed me what
it feels like to be loved, and of course my life isn’t
perfect but you’ve helped me get it back on track. All
I’ve given you is heartbreak, misery, and doubts that you
don’t deserve. It’s all my fault that you’re
fighting with Brooke,” I apologized.
“Cody, you don’t owe me anything. And it’s
not your fault at all for what happened with Brooke,
don’t blame yourself,” she said. Her sincerity and
naivety hurt me more than she would ever know.
“Do you know why I fell in love with you?” I
asked.
“Because I’m nice,” she said.
“Because you’re beautiful: You’re passionate.
You’re sincere. You’re driven. You’re strong.
You’re compelling. You’re captivating. You’re
everything I could never be, no matter how hard I tried.
‘Nice’ is a complete understatement. Want to know
the difference between you and Brooke? Brooke’s afraid.
No matter how perfect she tries to convince herself she is,
she’s afraid. She’s afraid to let her guard down,
she’s afraid to let people see the imperfect side of her,
she’s afraid of what would happen if someone realized
she’s not as great as she leads people to believe.
You’re not afraid. You let your guard down and let me see
who you were and opened up to me and that’s how I got to
know that you’re all those things that I wish I was.
You’re things that most people wish they could be. And
deep down, you know that. That’s what’s
beautiful,” I said.
She kept her gaze straight forward, her hair shielding her
face. Finally she looked up at me, her dark eyes full of tears.
“I love you so much,” she kissed me. I kissed her
too, my heart full of guilt, regret, sorrow, and any other
emotion that would make my friends call me soft.
I had to end things with Brooke. I knew I had to end things
with Brooke if I wanted to continue things with Kelli. After I
told Brooke I’d always been there for her and that I
loved her too and made her believe she was worth
something—f.uck.
I couldn’t end things with her.
That would only put her back where she started. She’d
feel violated that I made her take that mask off and show me
who was really inside because I’d leave her and take all
her secrets with me. She’d regret everything, become even
more bottled up, and maybe, even unfixable. She’d feel
more worthless than ever, and I was never going to let
someone feel as worthless as I’d felt when my parents
gave up on me.
I knew what I had to do.
I know I’m a selfish player who’s c.ocky, ignorant,
and d.ouchey, but if there was one thing I believed in, it was,
believe it or not, God. I was raised in a really Catholic
family, and although I stopped going to church years ago with
my family and questioned the validity of the bible, I believed
there was a God, or some higher force, that controlled
everything.
I’d have to just keep doing what I’ve been doing,
and see where that takes me; see who I end up with.
If I ended up with either of them at
all.
